


Sails of Freedom

by youreyestheyglow



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate title: Tails of Freedom, Multi, Pirate AU, don't be fooled oluo is auruo, fluff and smut coming later, mermaid au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-24
Updated: 2014-06-07
Packaged: 2018-01-16 20:16:42
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 17
Words: 47,709
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1360369
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/youreyestheyglow/pseuds/youreyestheyglow
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Erwin takes over Levi's ship and abandons him on an island, Levi is saved by a mermaid whom he presumes is the result of dehydration. Years later, he finds a mermaid eating potatoes in his storeroom, and shit hits the fan.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to my friend (tumblr: karkats-thong.tumblr.com) is actually the greatest and helped me figure out the backstory and did most of the research into mermaids and their creation stories, and will probably end up helping me plot the whole thing out, so you should all thank her because without her this literally wouldn't exist.  
> Also I have a tumblr too (youreyestheyglow.tumblr.com) and generally post stuff about updates under the tag 'julia's fanfic' if that is a thing you are interested in

“This?” You deadpan. “Just this?”

“Do you really believe you deserve any more?” Erwin asks, looking at you with eyes that brook no argument. The answer is no, whether you agree or not.

So you don’t say anything.

You just watch him sail away, in your ship, with your crew.

Your ship is a tiny speck on the horizon before you look away.

No point in taking stock of your options. You don’t fucking have any. He left you on an island with a rowboat and a gun with a single goddamn bullet.

How, exactly, did this happen, again? Oh, right. The ship needed a “proper captain,” which you, apparently, were not, in spite of the hundreds of storms and battles you’ve lead your crew through.

Not a single one of them had met your eye, but they’d sure as hell stood there behind Erwin and hadn’t said a damn word in your favor.

You sigh.

No point in hanging around.

You push the tiny rowboat to the edge of the sand and glance behind you into the dense foliage that promises little to no food, let alone anything that would last, and an easy way to get lost and die walking in circles.

Fucking useless. Not even good enough for you to shit in.

You push the boat into the waves and hop in, turning to sit backwards and grabbing hold of the oars.

 

Two days later, you’re not bothering to hold your eyes open – when you do, you just end up staring at the gun, sitting there in front of you with the power to end this torture, the torture of a hollow stomach and a desiccated mouth. You can’t even spit anymore. Licking your lips is abso-fucking-lutely useless.

Good thing you’re not one to smile much. Your lips are so dry they’d just crack right the hell open. If they haven’t already. To be honest, everything hurts, and whether your lips hurt because they’re cracked or just because your body hates you is beyond you.

Night falls and you find yourself still.

The stars are beautiful.

If you weren’t dying, they’d be your lifeline, wheeling across the sky and guiding you to land. As it is, you’ve got no idea where you are, and you stopped rowing a while ago. You don’t know why. It was just a mutual decision between your arms and brain to stop trying.

You swallow nothing.

Your stomach feels like it’s taking up your entire torso, ironic considering the fact that it’s totally empty and shrunken. But it’s very demanding. It commands your attention and screams for food.

You elect to ignore it.

You sigh as you look at the stars. Stars are funny things. You get into a dark place like this, no light anywhere to be seen, and you wonder why the fuck people need lights in the first place when the stars are so bright. The more you look, the more there are, little holes in the sky that let the light through from the other side.

You’ve never really believed in heaven, or in a god, loving or otherwise. But lying here, looking at the light shining through the navy blue velvet blanket that covers your world, ears unassaulted by anything but your fading breath and the waves that smack your boat, being rocked to sleep by the warm and gentle ocean – there has to be a god. Somewhere, someone saw you and knew that if you were gonna die, it would have to be in the ocean. So what if you’re going out a little earlier than you thought you would? Is there any other way you’d rather die?

Your tongue flicks out to lick your lips, doing nothing but emphasizing the dryness of both.

It’s peaceful. Quiet.

The stars wink out, one by one – or no, you closed your eyes.

No, that’s not right, you want to see the stars before you die.

You have to open your eyes, you have to, but damn if they’re not shut tight.

The boat rocks wildly to one side, throwing you against the wall of the boat.

Your eyes are open now, but they’re definitely not seeing things right.

There’s a face over the side of your boat, a face and hands.

“Who’re you?” The face asks.

“Dead man sailing,” you manage, after about five minutes trying to wet your lips.

“Eren.” The thing hauls itself aboard. “My name’s Eren. Stop staring, Mikasa always says that’s rude.” He frowns and flips the scaly tail that definitely is absolutely not a pair of legs. “Mikasa also says I shouldn’t talk to any humans except for her and Armin, though, and here I am, so I guess you’re allowed to break a rule too.”

You’re weirdly grateful for the kid’s approval, even though he looks to be about eight – if even – and happens to have a tail instead of legs, and also happens to have scales trailing up from his hips to his belly button and on his elbows and up the back of his neck and along the edges of the fins that sit where his ears should be and is out in the middle of the damn ocean.

 _Mermaid_.

“So, Dead Man Sailing,” he says conversationally, “What are you doing out here? You’re pretty far away from land to have such a tiny little boat.”

And here you were hoping you’d be alone when you died.

Then again, this is clearly a delusion, so you suppose you _are_ alone.

“Wasn’t intentional,” you say, even though you shouldn’t have to answer a hallucination. “Crew mutinied. Abandoned me on an island with this boat and that – dammit, where’d it go?” The gun isn’t where you left it – it probably slipped under the seat somewhere. Oh well. You’re dead anyway. No need for the thing. “Can’t get back to land.”

The kid’s – Eren’s – mouth falls open in an expression of horror. “Can’t get back to land? That’s horrible! I have a sister and a friend back on land, I’d hate it if I couldn’t get back there!” He takes a deep breath and his mouth sets into a hard line. “I’m going to take you back to land.”

You find it in you to laugh. “Better make it fast, kid, or I’ll die before you get there.”

His eyes turn into damn dinner plates and he launches himself over the side of the boat. “Dead Man Sailing –”

“My name’s Levi, kid –”

“Levi, hold on, all right? I’ll take you to land.”

And then he’s moving, one hand fastened tight to the boat, and you’re moving faster than you’ve ever moved in your life, the boat cutting sharply through the water.

The sky is lightening by the time Eren pulls the boat up onto sand.

He turns to look at you. “Levi, I’ve gotten you to land.”

He has eyes like the ocean.

The ocean saved you.

Suddenly everything makes sense. Your mistress, the love of your life, scooped you out of danger and let you live to sail on her another day. “Thank you,” you say. “Thank you, thank you…” You wish you could say it more, but your mouth is as heavy as your eyelids were last night, and the sea will just have to wait until you can thank her properly.

You topple over sideways.

There’s a scream from close by - the ocean - and then a cold, wet hand on your forehead. “You’re welcome, Levi,” says a soft voice. The ocean. Your mistress heard you.

With a splash, she leaves you, and the next hands that touch you are warm, dry, and holding a cup of water.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Background and a random Eren.

“Gunter!” You call up into the rigging.

He acknowledges you with a salute.

“Keep an eye on that ship to the west!”

“Got it, Captain!” He yells down.

“Good eye, Annie,” you nod at the girl next to you.

She meets your gaze, and her head bobs in what could be considered a nod.

You suppose you should take offense.

Annie’s special, though.

She’d served you a drink in a tavern, face completely blank, and backed away, protecting herself from groping fingers that touched more than they should. Not that she had to protect herself from you – in your eyes, anyone who served you alcohol deserved your utmost respect – but you couldn’t blame her. You were one of only a few people who felt that way.

Something about the fire in her eyes convinced you that she absolutely did not belong there, any more than you belonged on land.

You’d huffed. You’re a goddamn pirate, not a captain in the British Navy anymore. Your beautiful ship – _Maria_ – is not _H.M.S. Sina_ , and you’re not Erwin. You can take on an extra crewmember if you want.

So the next time you saw her, you snapped your fingers until she glanced at you, the derision in her eyes informing you that snapping at her wasn’t the best way to get her attention.

“What’s your name?” You’d asked.

“The hell do you want to know for?” She’d said under her breath. “If you ask me to _spend the night_ with you, I’ll chop off your goddamn head and eat it for dinner.”

You’d liked her right off the bat.

“Captain Levi. Pirate. Generally considered to be good at it.”

“If that’s supposed to make you attractive, it’s failing miserably.”

“It’s not. I’m offering you a job.”

The disgusted grimace had slipped right off her face. “What?”

“You don’t want to be here. You know it and I know it. I need someone who’s not an absolute idiot who’ll work without complaining. You look like that kind of person. Take the offer, you’ll never get another one like it.”

She’d whirled around and walked away.

You’d shrugged. It was her own damn fault if she didn’t know an opportunity when she saw it.

But she was back in three minutes flat, carrying a bag and devoid of her apron. “I’m ready when you are.”

Four years later, she wasn’t any less prickly or any more talkative, but she no longer backed away from anyone and the fire in her had been extinguished by the ocean and replaced by stormy waves that crashed in her irises. She no longer walks like a trapped animal.

If you didn’t identify with the feeling so much yourself, you’d call it irony that she seemed freer trapped on a ship in the middle of the ocean than she did on land with legs that could carry her anywhere.

Not that she’s not weird as shit, though.

You can’t count the number of times you’ve found her on deck at night when it wasn’t her shift, leaning over the railing, only to leave when you came close, or the number of times you’ve seen her in the net at the back of the ship, stripped to a pair of shorts, fingers tangled in the net as her body gets beaten by the spray. You’ve only asked why once. She’d stared at you until you’d dropped it. Nothing bad ever came of it, so you accepted it as part of the strange personality that made her as stone-faced and anti-social as you are and warned everyone to stay the hell away from the back net or get their faces torn off by an angry Annie.

The rest of your crew isn’t precisely normal, either. You’re more inclined to call them _misfits_ than _pirates_ , but they’re damn good at what they do, and they’ve earned the title a thousand times over.

Mike has a habit of sniffing everyone he comes across. Threw you off until you found out he was a dead shot with a gun. Petra and Auruo are a package. That’s how they came to you, that’s how they are, and if they ever leave, they’ll leave together. You can’t figure out why for the life of you – they bicker non-stop, and Petra’s hero-worship of you seems to cause unnecessary amounts of trouble between the two, but they always come back together somehow. Erd and Gunter say little, but what they say is usually useful. Gunter’s got an eye to rival Annie’s, and spends most of his time jumping around the rigging, scanning the horizon for ships and land and maintaining your system of lines and free rope that you use to zip around the ship when attackers make it on board. Erd‘s family found you on the beach, nine years ago when you washed up in a rowing boat, and he and Gunter have been with you ever since, helping you find a ship and becoming the first members of your crew. You hadn’t pegged them as the type to be pirates, but then, just days before you met them, you wouldn’t have pegged yourself as a pirate either, so you really can’t talk. Erd is your helmsman.

Somehow, you manage to get along with your tiny crew, instead of the enormous crew you’d had as a captain of a warship. You all split up the work, and with a crew this tiny, there’s no need for ranks except yours. You don’t miss jack shit about the Navy. Except maybe the fact that in the Navy, you weren’t constantly being hunted. Although there was always the threat of war, so even that –

“Captain! It’s him!”

“Fuck!” You scream. You weren’t planning on saying fuck, you were mostly planning on yelling orders, but not a single person on board has been here less than four years, and encounters with Erwin have occurred plenty often enough that your anger may as well be orders in and of itself.

You swing up into the rigging, watching as your crew goes about their jobs. Gunter flips around in the rigging to where Erd can see him, ready and waiting to pass on directions based on Erwin’s ship. Annie uncovers the swivel canon at the front of the ship; Mike does the same for the canon at the back. Petra and Auruo drop down into the storage room – they act as powdermonkeys, carrying powder and cannonballs up.

“Grapeshot, Captain?” Auruo yells up.

You click your tongue. Grapeshot is great for a warning – won’t kill, but it’ll sting like hell – and Erwin’s not coming on fast. “Grapeshot.”

You run up a Spanish flag. Maybe he hasn’t realized it’s you. Unlikely, but it’s a possibility, and if he hasn’t, the flag will throw him off.

Then again, you and Gunter sitting up here is probably a dead giveaway. If he’s got a telescope – and he does – he’ll be able to see you. He's not an idiot. The flag is useless.

“Prepare for battle!” You call down. He’s going slowly, he knows you’re out in the middle of the ocean and can’t go anywhere. You doubt he wants to talk. “Mike! Annie! Whichever one of you gets in range first, shoot for a mast, any mast. Take ‘im out.”

You ignore the look Auruo shoots you. You know he wants to do battle with Erwin, kill the man already, but Erwin’s a tactician and he knows you well. Getting to him would involve killing swaths of crewmembers, and you’re not willing to do that.

“We just made port a couple days ago,” Petra yells. “How did he find us already?”

“Because we made port,” Annie says. “Erwin’d be an idiot if he didn’t have people in all our hometowns. Erd’s especially. We were there for days. He had plenty of time.”

You knew it was stupid to stop, but you’d been so close, and you’d needed food anyway. You think longingly of the food in the storeroom. Annie had promised to make potatoes for dinner. You’d actually been looking forward to it.

You nod at Gunter, and he waves at Erd to slow down.

Your gaze flicks over the rigging one more time, checking that your rope system is up to par. You doubt it’ll come to hand-to-hand battle – you’re hoping to avoid that at all costs, actually – but if it does and one of your lines is broken, you’re fucked.

Erwin can be seen now, standing next to his helmsman. You pull your telescope out of your waistband and train it on him, watching his hand motions.

He spots you and nods.

Respectful as ever.

You don’t bother giving any warnings. Your crew knows what to do.

You wait, silently, eye on Erwin.

He comes closer. Closer. Closer.

Closer.

His finger twitches.

Close enough.

“Erd! Annie!”

Erd flips the wheel around and your little ship turns to face Erwin’s.

“Gunter!” You yell, and he turns and ducks just in time for a cannonball to go over his head.

Annie aims and shoots before the ship even grinds to a halt.

The moment the ball leaves her cannon, she’s clearing out the barrel, tamping down the powder after the cannonball.

The ball blows a hole in one of their sails and Annie’s aiming again.

Problem is, the dude on the other ship is aiming too.

You slide down a line, falling to the front of the ship and raising your gun in one smooth motion.

You pull the trigger and your bullet distracts the man aiming his gun at you long enough for Annie to get off a second shot, and this one is dead on, bringing down his mainmast.

“Rudder.”

Annie nods as she reloads.

You aim your gun at Erwin.

He turns and steps out of range.

You feel your face twitch. Asshole.

The cannon beside you recoils, and you’re already swinging back into the rigging. “Gunter, sails!”

You hear the sound of wood smashing and know Annie hit her mark.

“Erd, go!” You unfurl the sails and they catch the wind, Erd steering you away.

Your breath catches in your throat as a cannonball hurtles towards you.

It flies over your head and you whip around, watching Erd freeze up as it passes just feet in front of him.

You turn back.

Erwin salutes you.

You can feel your jaw twitch.

“Captain?”

“Mm?”

“What’s he doing?”

“Getting tired of chasing us.”

Gunter frowns. “Didn’t seem like it.”

“He’s not aiming and shooting, not anymore. He’s threatening. Showing us his range and gauging ours.”

“He’s been after you for what, nine years now?”

“Thing is, I don’t know that he _has_. I don’t think we’ve caused enough trouble. For a few years, I think he was worried I’d try to take back my ship. When it became clear that that wasn’t my goal, he fell to keeping track of me. But _now_ he’s bored. We’re starting to take more cargo from the ships we attack, and he’s tired of chasing us around. Now he’s checking us out as actual enemies, working out what we’re capable of. He knows I don’t want to kill anyone, and he knows that if push comes to shove, I’ll kill _everyone_. He doesn’t want to lose his crew. So he’s accepting the damage to his ship in return for a better grasp on how well we work together, what our first instinct is in a fight, if we can keep calm while cannonballs are flying overhead. Erwin’s a tactician. He’s going for the least amount of damage and lives lost for the most information. Next time we see him, he’ll have worked out a plan so genius we’ll all die and he won’t lose a single life.”

Gunter nods. “Well, it was nice working with you anyway, Captain.”

You almost crack a grin. This guy’s great. “I’ll figure something out. I’ve known Erwin for just as long as he’s known me.”

You swing down next to Erd. “How far out are we?”

“From my hometown? Few miles.”

You frown.

“Something wrong?”

You shake your head. Last time you were here, you’d been on the verge of dying. To this day, you get chills whenever you think of the cry that had brought Erd’s family running to you, of the cold hand on your forehead.

The hallucination had been incredibly vivid.

You hear footsteps pound up the stairs. “Captain,” Petra pants. “Come down here, there’s – I – Auruo’s keeping an eye on it, you need to –”

“It?” You ask.

“ _It_.”

You roll your eyes. Last time this happened, there had been a rat the size of your face in the storeroom. You’d shot it. Annie had roasted it into one of the best dinners you’d had all year.

You head downstairs after Petra, and she pulls you towards the storeroom – and stops short.

You’re not actually in the storeroom, you’re in the room next to it. One of the biggest portholes is wide open, and Auruo stands on the opposite side of the room, staring down a creature who seems more interested in eating the potato in her hand than in running away.

You gape at her.

More accurately, you gape at her _tail_ , because she’s got a tail, a deep red tail that’s dripping water everywhere.

She stares at the three of you, wide-eyed, and bites a chunk out of the potato.

She glances down at it, and back up at you. She swallows. “Did you want a bite?”

You almost laugh.

And then another head sticks itself through the porthole. “She’s in here, she’s gotta be – oh hey, there you – there are humans in here!”

The boy with the buzz cut falls through your porthole, dark brown tail followed by another head, body, and tail, and this tail you recognize –

The boy with the buzz cut grabs the girl. “Let’s go, what were you – _sing_ for Christ’s sake!” He yells at the other boy.

But he can’t.

He’s too busy staring at you.

He’s staring at you and you’re staring right back, because you recognize those eyes, they’re the same shade of blue-green as his tail and the Caribbean ocean and they’re bright and wide and you’re pretty sure you’re not hallucinating.

 _Eren_.

“Let’s _go_!” Yells the other boy as he tosses the girl, squealing, through the porthole.

Eren whips his head around to face the boy, and you see gold rings in staircases up and down his fins, you can watch the gills on his neck stretch as he turns his head, you can see droplets of water fly off his brown hair when he moves, he’s real and standing here in the light and he’s a mermaid –

Did he really not know ‘Dead Man Sailing’ wasn’t a real name?

He glances back at you, and you see panic in his eyes as they flicker over Auruo, who’s raising a gun – you raise your hand to stop him –

And Eren’s singing.

He’s singing, and it’s beautiful. There are no words, but are words really necessary?

Auruo freezes. He’s not even blinking.

You step towards Eren.

And then he pulls himself through the porthole and disappears.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren gets dragged back by a naked asshole.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you guys for the comments and kudos!! I don't generally reply to comments, usually because I actually have no idea how to convey the sheer appreciation I feel for them, but trust me when I say that if you commented, you made me squeal and blush so hard I looked like a firetruck.  
> Also, if any of you know stuff about ship terminology and notice that I misused a word or used the wrong word, feel free to tell me!

You fly to the porthole, but the ocean shows no signs of passing mermaids. Not that it ever has before, either, but dammit, you need that fucking mermaid back.

You pivot to see the shocked eyes of Auruo and Petra.

They saw him too, they saw the three of them too, you’re not insane and fuck if this isn’t the first time you’re unhappy about that.

You dash up to the main deck, mouth open to roar orders – what the fuck would you even say, “go after the mermaids”? Your crew would mutiny. Again.

“It was a mermaid,” you hear Petra say behind you. “A mermaid, Annie, I swear on everything I hold holy –”

“A mermaid?” Annie says quietly.

“Three, three mermaids,” you growl, “And I’m gonna find that brunette if it kills me.”

“She only took a few potatoes, Captain,” Auruo drawls. “No point in killing yourself over –”

“Not her, him!” You whip around to face the three of them – and the rest of your crew, apparently arrested by the sight of their captain screaming about mermaids. Not that you can blame them. This is anything but normal. “Him! The one with the oceanic eyes – I want him back, I want him here and I want answers and I’m gonna bring his ass back here if it kills me.”

Annie raises her eyebrows, turns on her heel, and stomps down into the crew’s quarters.

What the hell is she doing?

What the hell are _you_ doing?

You scan the ocean absentmindedly, watching the deep blue waves foam into white peaks and drop again, as opaque and mysterious as they had been the first time you’d seen them – more so, now that you know there are mermaids under there, and one that saved your life, once.

Unless you’re drunk out of your mind and seeing things.

Wouldn’t be the first time.

Annie comes back up hauling – a –

“Leonhart, what the fuck is that?”

“You want the mermaid? I’ll get you the fucking mermaid,” she mutters as she drags what looks like a fucking sealskin – where the hell did she get a _sealskin_ from? – to the side of the ship. “Brunette, oceanic eyes – what color? The ocean’s got a shitload of different colors.”

“The fuck are you talking about?”

“Captain, I need a color. And a description.”

“Blue-green. Turquoise. Somewhere in that family. Messy brown hair, a tail to match his eyes, tall – or – long? Is there a proper descriptor for this? – named Eren.”

Her eyebrows fly up under her bangs. “Eren? You’re fucking kidding me.”

“How do you know his name?” Petra asks softly.

“Long story. No, I’m not kidding you, now will you tell me what the fuck you’re doing or has everyone just lost their mind?” You yell.

Petra jumps back. Auruo shoots you a glare.

“Eren. Huh. Won’t be the first time I’ve seen him.” She pauses and looks out to her left, squinting. “Tell them I’ve gone after Eren. They’ll follow me.”

“Tell who?” If you don’t get answers you’re actually going to jump off the damn ship and find the fucking mermaid yourself.

But Annie’s not listening.

Of course not.

No, she’s stepping inside the damn sealskin – which cannot be hygienic – and pulling it up her body.

The skin seals around her, the edges pulling together and bonding like they’d never been separated, and within seconds, a seal is flopping over the side of your ship.

You gape at where she disappeared.

The ocean, of course, shows no sign of her passage past a few bubbles.

You whirl. “Everyone else saw that, right?”

“Captain!” Gunter yells from the rigging. “Something coming from starboard side!”

So, in other words, where Annie had been looking.

You fly to the side of the boat, and sure enough, green water and white foam is spiraling away behind two – seals? – heading at full speed towards your ship.

“Captain,” Erd suggests quietly. “I think those might be more of Annie’s kind.”

“Shitting –”

You back away from the railing as the seals ram into your ship – if they break it, you swear on your life you’ll make them pay – and then, somehow, two men, naked as the day they were born and carrying sealskins, are clambering over the side of your ship, dripping water all over your damn deck.

One, blond and beefy, storms towards you.

“What the fuck did you do to her? If you hurt her I swear I’ll –”

You point your gun at his head. He stops two feet away from you.

“Did you point that fucking gun at her, you asshole?” he snarls.

“Reiner –” The one behind him draws your attention long enough to notice that he seems to hold water better than blondie, drops taking up residence on his skin instead of dripping off.

“Annie left of her own volition. I did jack shit to make her go. Am I right in assuming that you’re the ones she was referencing when she said to tell you to follow her?” You ask icily.

Blondie doesn’t look convinced.

You’re fed up with this whole day in a thousand different ways, and if he thinks you’re gonna take the time to convince him, he’s out of his damn mind. “She said she’s going after Eren, and that you’d follow her. Does that mean anything to you?”

Blondie’s eyes widen at that. “Eren? Jaeger?”

“No idea about the Jaeger part, but definitely Eren.”

“Weirdly adorable blue-green eyes?”

“ _Reiner_ ,” the hydrophilic one hisses.

“Yeah, him.”

He huffs and steps into his sealskin. “Bertl, ready to go beat the idiot to a pulp once and for all?”

The brunette sighs. “You’ve been saying that for years.”

“Never had much of a reason, though. But Annie’s gonna need help dragging him back, so if it’s gonna happen, it’ll happen now.”

The skin closes up around him, encasing his enormous frame like it was made for him – which you suppose it was. The one behind him is already flinging himself over the railing. Blondie follows without hesitation.

You sit down.

You’ve never sat on your deck before, but you need a break. Badly.

“What the hell is going on?” Petra whispers.

Gunter drops to the deck next to you.

You’d be surprised if you weren’t already shocked out of your mind.

“Mermaids and selkies.”

“Selkies?”

“Seals who can turn into humans.”

You put your face in your hands. “I need Hanji.”

Auruo groans.

It strikes you that there have only been two times in your life that you’ve actually feared for your life, and both times, Eren has popped up and saved you. “Shit.”

“What?” Petra asks curiously.

“I really need to talk to Hanji.” Maybe you’re reading too much into this. Maybe it’s just a coincidence. Maybe you’re just being stupid. Maybe you forgot to take your morning shit and it messed you up.

You haven’t been to see Hanji in two years, but you’ve known them for nine, and you’ve known them long enough to know that coincidences don’t happen often and that supernatural coincidences aren’t even a thing.

You’re pretty fucking sure mermaids and selkies are supernatural.

“Captain, something’s coming,” Erd says.

“Tell me it’s Annie and she’s got the mermaid.”

Erd doesn’t have to answer your question.

“Annie, what the fuck, why are you bringing me _back_ I just got _away_ –”

You wish you could understand seal noises, because there are a lot of them.

And then Blondie hops up on your ship, still ass-naked and carrying a struggling mermaid under his arm.

“Seriously Reiner, is this really fucking necessary?”

The taller brunette hauls himself over the side carrying two sealskins, and Annie jumps up after him.

You catch her eye. “Thank you.”

She nods at you as she strips down, pulling off her wet clothing.

No wonder she was so comfortable with being naked. Reiner looks like he was made for nudity.

Reiner drops the mermaid.

“Bertl, rein in your boyfriend, he’s mean –” Eren whines as he pushes his torso up, resting on his side on one elbow.

He’s avoiding your gaze. You can tell.

“So you all know each other?” You address the shy naked one, who nods.

“It’s hard not to know Eren Jaeger,” he says quietly.

“Why?” Is he special for everyone else too?

“Well, he’s Eren Jaeger,” Reiner says, as though that explains everything.

“So what?”

Eren glances up at you, mouth open like he’s gonna make a comment about how special he is or some bullshit, but he catches your eye, blushes, and shuts his mouth.

“ _So,_ he’s Eren Jaeger. Jaeger. Show ‘im.”

“Reiiiiii-nerrrrrrr,” Eren whines.

You squat down next to him. “Show me.”

He looks at you and a faint blush rises in his cheeks again, painting him a beautiful pink – _beautiful pink_ what the fuck is wrong with you – but he sighs dramatically. “Fine.”

You watch as he stiffens and concentrates. It looks like he’s trying to shit while constipated.

And then the scales on the lower half of his body fade, and his fins round out into ears, and his tail pulls together in the middle and separates into legs, and Eren sits there in front of you, dick hanging out for the world to see, lying on his side in a pose that’s vaguely seductive.

And he is not un-blessed.

He grins at you, blush entirely gone, and you realize two things: first of all, his teeth are pointy, and second of all, you’ve been staring at his dick for a good five seconds now. “Can all mermaids do that?”

He shakes his head. “Nope, just me. There’s a reason why I’m known for it.”

“Why can you do it?”

He bites his lip. “Not a clue.”

Well, that settles that. You stand. “We’re going to see Hanji.”

“Hanji?” Eren asks, shocked out of his smile.

“Hanji,” Petra says, as though that explains everything.

“Hanji is an expert in the supernatural,” you tell him. “It’s been a long time since I’ve been to see them, but I’m sure they’re expecting me.”

“I wonder if Moblit’s still with them?” Petra muses. “Probably. That man was nearly as obsessed with the supernatural as Hanji was.”

“I always thought it was bullshit!” Auruo cries. “Are you telling me I’m actually going to have to _listen_ to them now?”

“You don’t have to come in. You can stay on board if you want. Can’t leave the ship alone, after all.” You ignore Auruo’s shocked facial expression. If you’re going in, he’s going in. He’d follow you anywhere.

“Who and where is Hanji?” Eren asks frustratedly.

“Few miles down the shore from my house,” Erd says.

Eren frowns. “That doesn’t answer either of my questions!”

Reiner snaps at Erd. “Hey. Answer the kid’s questions.”

“You just kidnapped me!” Eren gripes. “Are you on my side or not?”

“Well, I wanna know who he is too,” Reiner grumbles.

“He?” Petra asks sharply.

“Hanji!”

“ _They_ , not _he_ ,” she corrects. “And if you don’t use the proper pronoun they’ll go on a rant about gender, and while that’s fine from anyone else, a Hanji rant is – well – something else.”

“Like I said, Hanji is an expert in the supernatural, and their personality isn’t really something I can explain. Erd’s hometown is a few miles away from here –” you glance at Eren and he frowns – “And Hanji is just a few miles west of his hometown.”

Comprehension dawns on Eren’s face. “What town?”

“Trost.”

“And you think they can tell me why I can shift?”

“If anyone can, it’s them.”

“Reiner,” he says commandingly, “Go tell Mikasa and Armin to meet us in Trost.”

“What am I, your errand dog?” Reiner asks.

“I don’t think that’s a thing,” the shy one says quietly.

“Thanks for the support, Bertl,” Reiner says dryly.

“You’re welcome.”

Eren waves a hand in the air. “Doesn’t matter. You dragged me here, and I doubt Levi’s gonna let me leave if he made Annie come find me –”

“I didn’t make her get you,” you clarify at the same time Petra says, “He knows Levi’s name too?”

Eren ignores you both. “So you can get your ass over to Shinganshina and tell them where I’ll be. Also,” he looks at you, “I want clothes.”

“Shame.”

His eyebrows fly up into his hairline and he turns bright red. “What?”

“I’ll find you clothes.”

“Good.”

Your eyebrows quirk up. Kid’s pretty arrogant for a mermaid.

Not that you know what mermaids are generally like, but still.

Reiner sighs. “Fine. Bertl, coming?”

Bertl nods. “’Course.”

Reiner grins at him, and he and Bertl press their hands together for a moment before stepping into their skins and diving off the ship, falling into the water before they even fully shift.

“Mikasa and Armin?” You ask.

He nods. Why isn’t he getting up? “My sister and my friend. Armin’s a genius, he’s been doing research on mermaids and on me since I became a mermaid. If Hanji has answers, Armin should be there too.”

You heave in a deep breath. Here’s hoping Armin will handle the brunt of Hanji’s rant. “Let’s go find you some clothing,” you say, scanning your crew. Who’s the closest to Eren’s size? “Auruo, I’m taking some of your clothing.” He opens his mouth to argue, and you cut him off. “Petra, Annie, and I are too short, and everyone else is too tall. Erd, set course for Trost. Eren, are you coming?”

He stares at his fingers. “I… can’t.”

“What d’you mean, you can’t?” You snap. “What are your legs for?”

He flushes and glares at you. “I’m a fucking mermaid, not a human. I’m not used to standing unless I’m with Mikasa and Armin, and that’s on land, and land is steady. This ship is rocking, and my legs haven’t adjusted yet. It’s gonna take me a couple minutes to adjust, unless you’d like to help me?”

Did he just challenge you?

You stalk over to him and he pushes himself up onto his hands, staring at you in a way that you think is supposed to be scary, but mostly just ends up looking nervous.

You reach down and wrap one arm around his back, hauling him up. He squeaks in shock, clutching at you, his knees buckling under what little weight he’s putting on them. You consider grabbing under his knees and just carrying him downstairs, and you reconsider when you realize how close to his dick your face would be. So instead, you give him a moment to flounder around until he’s just leaning on you instead of dragging you down before you head for the stairs.

“Oh no, stairs?” He shrieks. “There is no way –”

“Too bad.”

“Uh, Captain,” Auruo says tentatively behind you.

You glance over your shoulder to see your whole crew averting their eyes. “What?”

“Do you need some help, maybe? Or maybe you could just set him down and I could run and get him some pants.”

“Have you never seen an ass before?”

“Well, I –”

You roll your eyes and turn your concentration back to getting Eren down the stairs.

He clutches the railing like he’s going to die if he doesn’t, and you’re incredibly grateful that the crew’s quarters are on the upper deck.

He lets out a breath when you reach the bottom, and you wonder if he was breathing at all.

“I guess we’re not going back up any time soon, huh,” you say with a huff.

“Not unless you plan on carrying me,” he says cheerfully.

You set him down on a bed and hope no one cares if the mermaid’s butt touches their bedding.

A quick search through Auruo’s clothing turns up a pair of pants that you’ve never seen him wear before – you vaguely remember him complaining about buying a pair of pants that ended up being too small – and a pair of underwear that looks relatively new, and you toss them both at Eren. He grimaces at them, but pulls them on, and you’re happy to see that the pants fit him perfectly.

“All right. Who the fuck are you?” You ask, crossing your arms over your chest.

He looks at you like you’ve lost your mind. “Why the hell are you asking _me_ that? _You_ kidnapped _me_ , not the other way around. If anything, I should be asking _you_ who you are.”

“You know who I am.”

“I know as much about you as you know about me,” he counters.

“You’ve turned up twice, how the fuck do you know where I am?”

“You sail right over my home!”

You growl and grit your teeth.

“Don’t you growl at me! I don’t know what the hell is going on and you sent _Reiner Braun_ and _Annie Leonhart_ after me and dragged me away from my friends! I was supposed to go see my sister tomorrow! All Sasha did was eat some food, and you didn’t even kidnap her, you kidnapped _me_! Clearly, you must know something about me, because I know nothing about you!” He looks like he’s on the verge of tears. “I just wanna go home,” he whispers, pressing the heels of his hands to his eyes.

You find yourself kneeling in front of him. “Hey, kid, don’t –”

And then you hear it.

He’s singing softly, just loud enough for you to hear. The same song he sang earlier. The song that had Auruo and Petra frozen in place, unable to move until he shut up.

You pull out your gun and press it to his forehead. “Stop singing.”

He shuts up.

His hands drop, slowly, and he stares at you with wide eyes. “What?”

“If I hear you singing, I’ll shoot.”

“What?”

“I know you’re not _that_ stupid.”

“But… why… isn’t it working? Why aren’t you letting me go?”

“This is why I’m asking you who the hell you are, and why we’re going to see Hanji. Something’s up and it’s pissing me off.”

Eren reaches a shaking hand up and slowly pushes the gun away. You let him. “All right, no singing,” he says quietly.

“Good. Now, I think we need to talk."


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren and Levi have a chat

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The number of kudos/comments/bookmarks is actually killing me, it's wonderful, thank you all so much!!!

He stares at you silently and waits.

Damn.

You were hoping he had answers. You don’t even have _questions_. You just know that the sea is enormous and deep, and that there have got to be lots of mermaids, and that the likelihood of the _same_ mermaid saving you and finding you years later and probably saving you again – if only by giving you an excuse to do something so stupid it’s smart – is tiny. The likelihood of that mermaid also being the only were-mermaid in existence is even tinier.

You sigh, and he frowns. Something about this is nagging you, and you can’t put your finger on it. Maybe you shouldn’t be making such a big deal out of it. Your reasons for keeping him here are flimsy, almost non-existent, and you can hardly make head or tail of them yourself. You should just let the kid go, call off the visit to Hanji, and leave, get as far away from Erwin as possible, just like you were planning on doing.

But you can’t. The thought of letting Eren go, of maybe never seeing him again, is repulsive to you, a little like a leech, or dirt.

Gotta find Hanji and make them explain this to you, or let them tell you you’re a fucking moron so you can let Eren go and forget about the whole thing and pretend mermaids don’t exist.

“What are we talking about, exactly?” Eren says hesitantly.

“I have no idea,” you mutter.

His face goes blank. “You’re kidding.”

“Trust me, I wish I was.”

He rolls his eyes so dramatically you’re shocked they haven’t hopped out of his head and joined an acting troupe yet. “Then what are we doing here? What am _I_ doing here?”

You drop down to the floor. “Do you actually want to leave? Really?”

“You kidnapped me!” He says indignantly. “What do _you_ think the answer is?”

“If I knew what the answer was, I wouldn’t be asking you,” you snap.

He crosses his arms. “It’s a stupid question.”

“But you haven’t answered it yet.”

“Because it’s stupid and you should know the answer!”

“That’s not an answer.” You hold up a hand to forestall further indignation. “If you were here of your own free will, would you want to leave? If you hadn’t had to run when your friends jumped out of the ship, would you have gone?”

His mouth moves, but no sound comes out, and after a few minutes, he flushes bright red and glares at you. “Maybe not.”

“Why?”

“I don’t fucking know, okay?” He shoots back angrily.

“Good, ‘cause I don’t either.”

He doesn’t respond, just stares at you, his eyes drifting nervously to your gun. You sigh and tuck it back in your waistband.

“How old are you?”

“Seventeen.”

“So… the first time I met you, you were eight?”

He nods.

“How do mermaids even give birth, anyway?” You ask. It’s a rhetorical question, but he answers anyway, with a raised eyebrow and a smirk that makes you think you’ve missed something. His legs swing back and forth, pressed together straight down from his thighs to his ankles, like he’s forgotten he doesn’t have a tail.

“We don’t.”

“How do you come into existence, then? How do you create more of you? Do you shit them out?”

“We don’t create more of us. We’re created by a goddess. Atargatis.” He says her name reverently. “She creates us – somehow – it’s something to do with grief – or death? Maybe both, I don’t remember – or either – Armin knows – but anyway, she creates us. And she made me.”

“How old were you when she made you a mermaid?”

“Eight.”

“So right before you met me, then.”

“Two weeks before.”

What grief or death could he possibly have experienced at eight years old?

“My mom died,” he says softly, like he read your damn mind. “And then I did.”

Would he care if you hugged him? Probably. “I’m sorry.”

He shrugs. “I don’t remember dying.”

“Most people don’t. They’re dead.”

“Mermaids do. When they’re made mermaids because they died, they remember.”

“You were made a mermaid because you died?”

He nods.

“But you don’t remember dying.”

He nods again.

You take a deep breath. “Well, if this all turns out to be bullshit, at least I won’t be dragging you to Hanji for nothing. They’ll be able to help you, if anyone can.”

He takes a deep breath. “I hope so.”

“You _want_ to know what dying was like?”

“I want to know why I can’t remember,” he explains. “And why I can shift into a human. And why singing doesn’t drain me so much as it drains every other mermaid I know. And –” he huffs. “Why the hell am I telling _you_ this?”

You shrug. “Not a clue.”

He holds his legs out straight in front of him and stares at them, flexing and pointing his feet.

“You don’t shift into a human often, do you.”

He shakes his head. “Only when I’m with Mikasa and Armin, and even then, only if I’m leaving the beach. It’s – a weird feeling.”

“It hurts?”

He frowns. “Not _hurts_ , no, but – I don’t know how to explain it. Like if you had bones but they weren’t there, and then you had to make them appear out of nothing.”

“You’re right. You _don’t_ know how to explain it.”

He glares at you half-heartedly. “I know that, I just don’t know how to explain it. It’s not something a lot of people have to deal with, you know.”

You nod. Maybe you’re being a little harsh on him. He’s the only one of his kind, after all. “If it doesn’t hurt, why don’t you switch back and forth more often?”

“’Cause it sucks ass. When I’m a mermaid, I can pull myself around and I can swim and – it’s nice. Being a mermaid feels right. Being human feels – wrong. My legs take time to adjust, I have to drag myself around on land without scales to protect my skin, and –” he fingers the gold rings in his ears that pierce the skin in an ladder from the lobes of his ears all the way up over the arch. “And having fins shift into ears and back is weird enough without having to accommodate piercings.”

You wince. “Sounds like a damn good reason to me.”

“So, um…” He trails off.

“Um?” You prompt him.

“What… happened… with you? Y’know, why were you out in the middle of nowhere in a boat? How’d you get here?”

You heave in a deep breath. “Well, I used to be the captain of a British Navy ship. _HMS_ _Maria_. I led my crew through everything, got them all out with minimal casualties. I was a damn good captain.” You rub a finger over the floor. It’s smooth, clean, just the way you like it. “And then my first mate, Erwin Smith, rallied my crew against me, dropped me off on an island with a boat and a gun, and sailed away.”

“What?” He actually sounds angry on your behalf. Cute.

“A couple days later, you found me, dragged me to the beach in front of Erd’s house, his family came running, and he and his friend Gunter became the first two members of my pirate crew.”

“Did you track Erwin down and kill him for it?”

You cock one eyebrow at him. “Bloodthirsty kid, aren’t you.”

He flushes. “He left you for dead on an island, doesn’t that deserve revenge?”

You sigh. How many people have asked you this? How many times have you given them a bullshit answer? This is no different, just someone else who wants to know what’s wrong with you.

So why the hell are you answering him?

“Erwin was my right-hand man for a very, very long time. Years, actually. I joined the navy in the first place because he did. I have no idea how I managed to become Captain over him, but I did. I was just as shocked as he was. We worked our way up to the top all the way from ship’s boys together. I know him better than I know myself. How the hell am I supposed to kill him when he may as well be my brother?”

“He tried to kill you, though, didn’t he?”

You shake your head. “Never.”

Eren looks like he’s seriously reevaluating the state of your sanity. “He left you. On an island. With a rowboat. And a gun.”

“I don’t think it was supposed to kill me, though.” You hold up your hand to forestall any arguments. “When you found me, I was only a few miles away from land, right?”

He nods.

“If I’d taken some time on that island – actually gone looking for food, fresh water – an animal to shoot – I’d have made it. I was never meant to die. I was meant to make it to land and stay there. I’ve never been good at making friends, and I doubt he expected me to meet people who were willing to help me find a ship and crew. But no, he never meant for me to die.”

“You have a lot of faith in him,” Eren says cautiously.

“He had a lot of faith in me, too. Expected me to wander around in an unfamiliar jungle and be able to find my way back.”

“I don’t think that was faith.”

You stand with a sigh. “Think what you want, kid. You good to stand?”

“Not sure.”

You hold out your hand to him. He takes it, and presses his feet to the ground uncertainly.

“You’re like a fish out of water.”

He glares at you. “I hate you.”

“Sorry. If it helps, I’d be just as clumsy in the sea as you are on land.”

He pushes himself into a standing position and nearly falls on you. “What’d’you mean?”

“I mean, I can’t swim. I’d drown.” You frown. “Why the fuck am I telling you this?”

He snorts. “It’s not exactly a secret, is it?”

“Yes, it is, and it’s gonna stay that way. I’m the only one on this ship who can’t swim. Everyone else grew up near the ocean, and Annie’s a fucking seal for God’s sake. No one needs to know their captain can’t swim.”

“What if something happens, though?” He asks as he pushes off your shoulder and rocks unsteadily. “Someone’ll need to help you!”

“I’ll go down with my ship.”

“Don’t die.” He blushes at your look and clarifies: “I put in effort to save you, you’d better not waste it.”

“Dying isn’t the first thing on my to-do list,” you say dryly.

“It’s not the first thing on anyone’s to-do list, and yet it happens,” he says, his hand tight around yours for balance as he mounts the stairs, taking them one at a time like a child. “It wasn’t anywhere near my to-do list when I died.”

You squeeze his hand. “Sorry.”

He waves it off. “It’s fine.”

You almost walk into Annie when you get to the top of the stairs.

“We’re getting close to land,” she explains, “And Mike pointed out that I should wear something other than underwear.”

“Mike’s smart, sometimes,” you comment. “Eren, is there something interesting on the ceiling?”

He casts a dark glare at you.

Annie rolls her eyes. “I’m not the one holding hands with the captain.”

Eren actually takes the risk that he might accidentally look at her breasts, meeting her eyes long enough to say “I can’t stand on my own” before returning to his detailed study of the roof.

You tug him to the side, nearly knocking him over, to let Annie pass. She passes you without another word.

Eren lets go of your hand the moment you leave the stairwell, choosing to hold on to the wall instead.

You smirk at him. “What, embarrassed?”

He glares at you. He seems to spend a lot of time doing that. If he’s not careful, his blood pressure’s gonna skyrocket. “I’m never gonna learn to walk if I don’t try it on my own.”

“Right.”

“I’m serious!”

You roll your eyes. “Kid, Annie was joking.”

“I know!” He says defensively. “I’ve known her for longer than you have!”

You frown. “Really? How do you know?”

“I knew her back before she left for land.”

“What was she like?”

“Angrier. Unhappier.”

“How is that even possible?”

He shrugs. “She never swam with anyone, just kinda… wandered around. Didn’t have many friends, or talk to many people, or do much of anything, really. Always looked a little trapped. I don’t think she liked it much, to be honest.”

“From what I saw, it was about the same on land.”

“She seems happy now, though.” He glances at you. “I think she likes it here. Whatever you’re doing is working.”

“Whatever I’m doing?”

“She said you wanted me here. She wouldn’t have exposed herself and come swimming after me for just anybody.”

“But I’m not doing anything,” you point out.

“Yes, you are. Even if you don’t know it, you are.” He grins at you. “Thank you. She deserves it.” The grin slips off his face. “Even if she _did_ kidnap me.”

Gunter is still on the deck when you head out of the stairwell, which is shocking in its own right, but he’s talking to Petra, which is a whole other level of incredible.

They glance at you when you come into view and shut up.

You don’t want to know what they were saying.

“Gimme just a minute, Captain,” Erd says as he eases your ship towards the dock.

“Take your time.”

“Ready to meet Hanji?” You ask Eren.

He nods determinedly. “Ready.”


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hanji and the myth behind mermaids

Eren huffs when he steps on solid ground.

“What’s wrong?” You grab his elbow to keep him upright when he stumbles. “I thought you said you preferred solid ground to the ocean?”

“Yeah, but I was just getting used to the ocean!” He complains. “Please tell me Hanji isn’t far away. Maybe. That could be them. There. That one walking two feet away from us.”

You snort. “She knows Reiner will take your sister and friend to her place, not the beach. She’ll be waiting there.”

“How will she –”

“Eren!” Someone yells.

He whips around, his face lighting up like the sun. “Mikasa! Armin!”

You turn to see Reiner – with a new bruise on his chin, that must’ve stung – and Bertl docking a sailboat, and a dark-haired girl and blonde boy, already out of the boat and running towards you at full speed.

Eren picks up a foot, sways, and thinks better of it, grabbing onto your arm for support.

The girl – Mikasa, you remind yourself – nearly knocks him over when she grabs him in a hug. “What happened? Reiner wouldn’t say, I punched him anyway for good measure –”

“It’s – I – was – it’s not a big deal, okay? Armin, c’mere –” He turns away from her to pull the boy into a hug.

Mikasa narrows her eyes. “Eren, what aren’t you telling me? Who are these people?”

Annie steps up beside you, nodding at Mikasa before turning to you. “Captain, Reiner and Bertl have agreed to watch the ship – and the boat –” her eyes flicker to Mikasa – “while we’re gone.”

You nod. “Thank you.”

“Annie, what are you doing here?” Armin asks. “I thought you – went off – to… you became a pirate?” His voice rises an octave.

“Pirates?” Mikasa spits, grabbing Eren’s arm.

“Damn, kid, figured that out fast. Eren wasn’t kidding when he said you were smart.”

Armin flushes at the praise. “Well… you’re not wearing any country’s uniform, or any uniform at all, and… Annie wouldn’t have agreed to go on a fishing boat, or some other kind of ship that doesn’t require a uniform, and your crew is really, really small, so…” he shrugs, like it wasn’t a big deal.

Eren grins at you. “Told you he was a genius.”

Armin blushes harder and shakes his head.

“Eren, what’s going on?” Mikasa asks again.

“Mass confusion?” He suggests.

You pull in a deep breath as Mikasa opens her mouth. You’re not Hanji, but even _you_ can see that this is going to take forever if you let it, so you don’t. “Right, let’s go. You can come or you can stay behind.”

“Reiner barely said where we were going, only that you were coming here instead of Shinganshina,” Mikasa hisses at Eren as you turn and head toward Hanji’s place. “Where are we _going_? What the hell is going on?”

“We’re going to meet someone who might be able to tell me what’s going on with me,” Eren explains. You’re relieved to hear that his voice is coming closer – he’s following you.

“Their name is Hanji,” you say, falling back to match their pace. “And they’re a – well, you’ll see. They’ll explain it in depth whether I do or not, and there’s no point in hearing it twice.”

“That’s not an explanation,” Mikasa points out angrily.

“You’re sister’s pretty worked up,” you say idly to Eren. “Maybe it’s best if –”

“I’m not leaving her behind,” he says flatly.

You shrug. “Then she’s your responsibility.”

You ignore their reactions, instead watching the sign for Hanji’s shop grow closer, closer, closer –

Close enough.

Hanji runs out, wearing a fashion disaster of a green coat and pants that look like they were made out of trash. “Levi! Eren! Mikasa! Armin! And the whole crew, too! Perfect!”

Mikasa frowns. “How do you know my name?”

Hanji laughs. “Sweet potato on rice, didn’t you read the sign?” They say, pointing above them at the bright red sign declaring them a psychic.

“You’re a –”

“No, no, not a psychic,” they wave away Armin’s question. “Not really. I’m a seer, but I’m a really specific type of seer – I was born half-in, half-out of the world, and never really chose one over the other, so I ended up with a pretty interesting set of abilities…”

They’re gonna drone on for hours before they tells them what they are. You know it.

They clap a hand over your mouth and you reel back. “What was that for?”

“You were going to interrupt! But, for your sake, I’ll get to the point. I see _intent_. The second Levi decided to come visit me, I knew he was on his way. I knew Eren would ask you to come. And then things got a little muddled, because I didn’t know if you’d agree or if you wouldn’t believe Reiner, but then you agreed, and I’m so glad you did, really. I see the currents of intent and I watch them get interrupted along the way by things outside of people’s control and fall into disarray and disappear, and some things I never even get to see because people don’t mean to do them until they’re done or they intend to do one thing and end up doing the exact opposite…” their voice trails off, eyes clouding over and mouth stilling, and you know what they’re seeing, because they’ve described it to you before: gold threads, trailing from one person to another, connecting with others along the way and disrupting each other, a bright network of intent with possibilities and unintentional outcomes that would confuse the shit out of anyone who wasn’t Hanji, who wasn’t a genius, mildly insane, and incredibly knowledgeable about the topic in the first place. And then their eyes widen and sharpen, and they continue on like there was no pause: “And I see the most incredible things, really, but that’s how I know your name. I’m so happy, Levi’s finally coming to talk to me about reincarnation!”

“What?”

They make eye contact with you, an unnecessarily difficult thing to do considering the way they’re bouncing up and down on their toes. “Reincarnation?”

“No, mermaids,” you correct.

“Really? Are you sure?” They probe.

“Yeah, pretty fuckin’ sure.”

They look disappointed for a moment before perking back up. “Well, becoming a mermaid is a _type_ of reincarnation, so close enough. Let’s go inside. Where’s Moblit? Did he ever come out? Moblit?” They yell as they walk through the door. “Where are – oh, you – holy mushroom pie, that’s sweet of you. Thank you.”

You twitch when you walk inside.

Hanji’s shop is a wreck, books and papers in piles around the room – on the other hand, they _are_ in piles now, not scattered everywhere, so it could be worse. The enormous table in the middle and all the chairs around it are clear, and you catch a glimpse of Moblit carrying a stack of books before he disappears into the next room. You don’t think you’re wrong when you assume the stack of books was sitting on a chair until moments ago.

“Moblit, where’s – aha! Never mind, I found it!” Hanji drags a book off the top of a stack and drops it on the table. “Where’s – oh, here it is.”

You guide Eren around the stacks of shit. If he falls here, everything else goes down too.

Mikasa glares at you.

Armin, on the other hand, stares around him with eyes the size of trashcan lids, fingers trailing delicately over stacks of information. He looks back at Hanji, and you can practically see the hero-worship exuding out of him in waves. He finds his way over to them as quickly as he can without knocking over stacks like carefully placed dominoes.

“Right. Everyone here?”

You glance around. Auruo fixes his cravat, Petra rolls her eyes at him, Mike sniffs audibly at a book at the top of a stack his height, and Annie stands in parade rest next to Erd and Gunter, both of whom look like they’d rather be anywhere but here. Armin is already reading the book over Hanji’s shoulder, bright blue eyes skimming the text like he’s already read it fifty times, and Mikasa stands next to him, eyes fixated on your hand where it rests on Eren’s forearm.

She needs to give it a rest. Eren can’t fucking stand on his own. If she wants to help him, she can get her ass over here and hold him up instead, you don’t wanna do it.

“Everyone’s here,” you answer Hanji.

“Wonderful! So. Mermaids. It’s unfortunate you didn’t bring one with you –”

“We did.”

Hanji glances up at you with wide eyes and looks around the room like she expects a mermaid to pop out of nowhere. “Really? Where?”

You nudge Eren. “He shifts into a human.”

Their mouth falls open. “He does _what_?

“Shifts into a human. Explain the basics first, and then you can talk to him.”

“But –”

“Hanji.”

They huff. “Fine. The legend says that Atargatis accidentally killed her lover, and in her grief, she tried to drown herself. However, the ocean could neither hold her beauty nor end it, so it turned her into a half-fish, half-woman, preserving both her beauty and her life. She was the first mermaid, and she creates mermaids, finding those who are grieving over their own death or the death of another and reincarnating them. Mermaids are technically dead, for the most part, excepting those who were grieving over another – and even then, you could say they were dead in their hearts, couldn’t you? Who she decides to bring back is generally random, there’s no rhyme or reason to it, don’t try looking for any. Now. Here’s the interesting part.” Hanji’s grin widens. “The whole process of converting a human into a mermaid involves extreme loss of energy, but it really has nowhere to go. Coming into contact with this energy hurts mermaids – and I’m just talking about being near it, mermaids can’t submerge themselves in it without extreme physical pain – and causes them to relive their worst moments – usually the moment that caused them to be made into a mermaid in the first place.” She holds up her hand to forestall your question. “No, not just a memory. There’s really no word for it. The energy is put to use expanding this memory, casting it like a net over everyone in the vicinity, forcing everyone and their mother to experience it like it’s happening then and there. Atargatis knew she couldn’t leave this energy alone and hope her mermaids avoided it, so she trapped it in a place currently known as the Sargasso Sea.”

Your breath leaves you in a rush. Petra claps a hand to her mouth. “The Sargasso Sea?”

Hanji nods.

You shudder. “Well, at least we don’t have to _go_ there.”

“Yes, you do.”

“The fuck are you talking about, glasses?”

They grin. “It all makes sense now! Eren shifts into a human and doesn’t know why, and you came here because you thought I could tell him. But he’s a first. There’s no way of knowing. I have no idea what’s going on!” They look way too excited to be properly confused, clapping and wiggling like they’re trying to pull on a pair of pants that are too small. “It’s new knowledge! And the only person who can explain it is Atargatis herself. And she sits –” They drop their finger on a picture of the Sargasso Sea in the book. “Right above the sea itself. So to see her, mermaids – there have to be mermaids, of course – have to be willing to have their most painful moment on display for everyone to see, and they have to have humans willing to sail them there, ‘cause that water contains more concentrated energy than a mermaid can handle. They’ve gotta be on a ship. So.” They point at you. “You have to sail, with Eren, into the Sargasso Sea to get your answers.”

You stare at them.

They stare back through glasses thicker than the walls of your ship.

You sigh. “Sorry, Eren, can’t help you.”

“What?” He shrieks indignantly.

“I’m not sailing to the Sargasso Sea. There’s no wind, there’s so much seaweed it’s nigh impossible to sail through the shit, and that’s not even getting in to all the stories of dead sailors –”

“Grief,” Hanji whispers. “All that human energy, and the last thing it did was grieve. And it’s never accepted back into the body it came from. It’s grieving. Have you ever known anything that halted energy in its tracks faster than sadness?”

“No, I haven’t, and the explanation isn’t changing my mind. I’m not going anywhere near the place.” You push away from the table. “Time to go.”

Eren blocks your path. “No.”

“Careful, kid, one good breeze and you’ll topple over and take all these books with you.”

“Fine. I’m not going until you promise to take me to the Sargasso Sea.”

“I’m not going.”

He stares at you with eyes like the ocean. You’re being begged by the damn ocean. “I saved your life and you won’t even take me to find out what’s up with mine? It’s not like _your_ worst moment will be on display, it’s not like _you’ll_ have to relive the kind of grief that got you killed. So bring me. Please?”

“Nope.” You push past him.

“He saved your _life_?” Petra mutters.

“Does it matter? We’re not going,” Auruo tosses at her.

“Oh, shut up, you’re just copying him –”

A cool hand grabs yours, and you twist to see Eren staring at you. “Please?” He whispers, so quietly it almost slips away under the noise of Auruo and Petra bickering.

“Why the hell should I? I didn’t know I was putting myself in debt nine years ago when you saved me, this isn’t something I have to repay.”

You try to turn away, but he only grabs your hand tighter and tugs you back. You whirl to face him, ready to kick him for refusing to let go of you, but he speaks before you get the chance.

“You wanted me back for a reason. Why?”

His hand is cool around yours and it feels _right_ to touch him, which is idiotic in so many ways you can’t even begin to count them.

He’s so determined, so alive, so – so –

You don’t even know what words you’re searching for anymore, and you’re beginning to think that the ones you want don’t exist.

You need him with you, and you don’t know why, but you’re sure as hell gonna find out, and that won’t happen unless he’s with you, and he’s not staying with you unless you take him to the shitty goddamned Sargasso Sea.

You huff. “We’re going,” you announce. “We’re sailing to the stupid, fucked-up ocean of seaweed.”

“What?” Auruo cries.

“Shut up.”

“But – I –”

“We’re coming,” Mikasa announces. She and Armin stare at you, daring you to say no.

“Fine. I hope you’re –”

“We’re not packed, and we’re stopping in Shinganshina for clothing.”

You glance at Eren, who looks back at you hopefully, and sigh. “Pushy.”

“We’re coming too!” Hanji squeals as Moblit reenters the room, dragging two suitcases behind him.

“What?”

Suddenly their finger is in your face. “You are _not_ meeting a _Goddess_ without me.”

You hold up your hands in surrender, and Moblit shrugs at you. “At least you’re already packed. Anyone else want to hop aboard? Stowaway? Anything?”

Eren grins. “Nope!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The initial part of the myth - that Atargatis accidentally killed her lover, tried to drown herself, and was turned into a mermaid because the lake couldn't hold her beauty - comes from wikipedia and a billion other mermaid sites. Everything past that is stuff I made up, so it's all bs that happens to be good for plot.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi goes to Eren's house

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long, I wrote three pages, didn't like it, deleted the whole thing, and rewrote it all again. I hope you like it!  
> you can follow me on tumblr at youreyestheyglow, if that's a thing you want to do uwu  
> and thank you for the comments/kudos, they mean so much to me I don't think I could ever actually get it across to you, but they're wonderful and I appreciate every single one!

You’re on your way, towing Mikasa and Armin’s little boat behind yours. Mikasa had stopped glaring at you in favor of Eren, trying to burn a hole in his face with her eyes. He chatters away, either oblivious or accustomed to it. He has a willing audience: Hanji looks like they’re committing every word to memory – knowing them, they probably are – and Moblit nods along as he listens, absentmindedly running his fingers through Hanji’s hair.

“Captain?”

You turn to Annie. “Hmm?”

“If you don’t object, I think I’ll be sleeping in the ocean from now on, since I don’t have to hide anymore. So one of the four –” she jerks her head towards the four land dwellers – “can have my bed.”

 You nod. “It won’t be a problem. Thank you.”

“Also. Quick suggestion. Tie a line to the railing. Climbing up the side of the ship with no help isn’t easy.”

You nod. “Good idea.”

By the time you’ve found a line that’s the proper length to reach from your railing to the sea, you’ve reached your destination.

“Levi, are you coming?” Eren yells. He’s about twenty feet away, at most. You’re not deaf. Your hearing isn’t even remotely impaired. Why the hell does he feel the need to _yell_? But he’s always been noisy.

“I get the vague feeling your sister doesn’t want me to come,” you say with a nod at Mikasa.

Eren rolls his eyes. “Does it look like I care?”

“No, you’ve always dragged me places regardless of whether or not anyone wanted me there,” you say with a sigh as you head towards him.

“Well, I’ve always wanted you with me, so who gives a shit?” He asks cheerfully.

“Le-vi!” Hanji sings. “Do you want to talk about reincarnation yet?”

You take a deep breath. “Why the fuck would I want to talk about reincarnation?”

Hanji’s eyes glitter at you and Eren from behind their glasses. “Have you not figured it out yet?”

“Figured _what_ out?”

“Oh,” Armin sighs from behind you. “ _Oh_.”

Hanji smiles fanatically at Armin. “You heard it too?”

“ _Always_.”

“What the fuck are you two talking about?” You glance at Eren, who seems just as confused.

Mikasa’s face goes white. “No. No, we’re not – not even considering – it’s time to go.” She turns and heads off the ship, fingers clenched into fists.

“Mika –”

“We are _not_ having this conversation,” she snarls at Eren.

“Don’t you talk to him that way,” you growl at her.

Hanji shrieks with laughter. “A little protective for someone you’ve only known for a few hours of your life, don’t you think, Levi?”

You narrow your eyes at her. “Shut it, glasses.”

Eren rolls his eyes. “Holy shit, I need to get out of these pants and put on pants that are actually mine, and then we have to sail to Seaweed World, so can we do this when we get back?” He grabs your hand. “Let’s _go_!”

Hanji’s laugh rings in your ears until you reach Eren’s home, a little cottage by the sea covered in shells.

It turns out to be just as small and shell-covered on the inside, a little five-room house with a kitchen, living room, and three bedrooms, one of which looks like it’d been converted from a study.

“Armin’s room?” You guess, staring around at the books.

“Yup. He moved in after his grandfather died. Mikasa’d been all alone for a year already.” He shows you Mikasa’s room – “We adopted her a year or two before I – went mermaid, and she and I shared a room until I – did the thing. Then she cleared out our parents’ room, and moved in there, and gave me my room back.” The room is open and airy, and the top of the dresser is covered with pictures of a woman whose resemblance to Eren makes her unmistakably his dead mother.

And then he pulls you into his room.

His room is covered in gold, gold necklaces and earrings and rings and circlets that make your little pirate heart beat just a little harder. You’d almost think he was just as big a pirate as you, if he didn’t keep his room in such bad _shape_. Seaweed is draped over everything, tangled in necklaces, wrapped around his bedframe, hanging out of his drawers.

You trail your free hand across a necklace studded with rubies. “Where did you find this?”

He shrugs. “Got bored, went searching for sunken ships, found a whole ton of gold. Mikasa and Armin sell it off when they need money. Do you want that?” He nods at the necklace.

You pull your hand away and shake your head. “No. I don’t need it.”

Eren releases your hand and heads for his dresser, pulling clothing out. “All right.”

He undoes his pants and drops them without so much as a warning. You turn away and grab for the doorhandle.

“What, not even gonna stay and watch the show?” He calls after you with a laugh.

No. No, you’re not going to stay. For the show. What show? He was just taking his pants off. Was he going to give you a show?

You almost turn and head back into his room, but Mikasa’s in Armin’s room, and there’s no way she can pack if she’s in there. You almost go inside, but you hear her whispering, and whatever she’s saying has got to be more interesting than a seventeen-year-old’s strip tease.

“…not? Can’t you just –”

“No,” Mikasa hisses. “No, because that means he died, another time. He’s died _twice_. He can’t have died twice.”

“Just because you don’t want it doesn’t mean –”

“I don’t care! He shouldn’t have to suffer twice!”

You rap on the door. “Doesn’t sound like you’re packing.”

The door swings open. “Fuck you,” Mikasa snarls as she stalks past.

Armin looks at you apologetically. “Sorry about her, she’s – always been very protective of Eren, and – well – she’s not taking any of this very well.”

You wave his apology away. “Don’t worry about it. Just get packed so we can go.”

Eren appears, a little bag slung over his shoulder.

You grimace at it. “That it?” He's gonna have to wear the same thing every day. Not hygienic.

He makes a face at you. “Yeah, yeah, you like things clean. Well, I’ll be spending a lot of time in the water anyway, so it’ll be fine.”

“Eren?” Armin asks tentatively.

“What?”

“How do you know he likes things clean?”

Eren frowns. “I – did you see his ship? It’s neat as hell. This isn’t a guy who’s into messes.” He rolls his eyes. “Jeez, Armin, you’ve never been this unobservant before. Where’s Mikasa? Is she ready to go?” He heads off to Mikasa’s room without waiting for an answer.

You look at Armin. He opens his mouth and closes it, opens it and closes it, until he finally sighs and gives up. “I’ll be ready in a minute, don’t worry.”

You nod and turn, nearly walking into Mikasa, wiping her eyes as she storms out of her room. Eren follows, meets your questioning gaze, and shrugs.

“I’m ready to go,” Mikasa says as she heads for the door. “Armin, you coming?”

Armin rushes out of his room, pulling a drawstring bag closed. “Yes.”

“Perfect,” you say as you herd them out the door.

Eren takes your hand again. He doesn’t even seem to notice, slipping it into yours without even looking.

He can definitely walk on his own. He doesn’t need your help anymore. He shouldn’t be holding your hand anymore.

But his fingers fit so well between yours, and his hand is so cool and comfortable against your skin, and he ends up dragging you everywhere anyway, so is there really any point in pulling away? It would just make things awkward for the whole trip.

You grimace. You’re like a teenager, sitting here worrying about the level of awkwardness on a trip you don’t even want to take.

You decide to ignore it in favor of the way Hanji’s eyes manage to find you before you’re anywhere near the dock. “The fuck are they looking at?”

“Hanji?”

“Of course.”

Armin shrugs. “You, probably.”

“Why?”

“Because they’re waiting for you to figure it out.”

“To figure what out?” You ask exasperatedly.

He throws you a sympathetic glance. “If they’re not telling you, I won’t either.”

“If it’s about me, I think you can bypass glasses over there.”

He smiles and shakes his head.

“Armin, what aren’t you telling me?” Eren asks.

Armin glances at your hands. “Nothing you don’t already know, really.”

Eren follows Armin’s glance. He blushes and pulls his hand away. “I – shit, I’m sorry, I didn’t even –” he flushes all the way up to his ears. “I didn’t even notice, I – probably just habit – worried about standing upright, y’know –”

Armin sighs so heavily you worry about the state of his lungs.

“It’s fine.”

Mikasa looks at you like you’re a piece of shit she stepped in.

When you reach the ship, Hanji looks at you like a piece of meat they’re particularly interested in eating. “So? Did you –”

Mikasa grabs the front of their shirt. “If you say a word, I’ll toss you off the ship.”

Moblit grabs her and pulls her off Hanji. “Don’t you touch them!”

You step forward, but Auruo and Petra are already there, pulling the two apart.

“Why don’t I get you set up downstairs?” Petra asks smoothly, tugging Mikasa away.

Mikasa looks homicidal.

You wave to her as Petra drags her downstairs.

“Captain, setting sail for Sargasso Sea?” Erd tosses over his shoulder as he maneuvers your ship away from the dock.

“Aye.”

Eren fidgets.

“What?”

He looks up at you from under his long eyelashes. “Can we stop for a minute over my home? I want to say bye to everyone.”

No. It was his choice to go, and you made it clear that you didn’t want to go in the first place. Why the hell would you stop? You want to get this done and over with as quickly as possible. “Erd. Do you remember about where we were when we found Eren in the first place? We’re dropping anchor there for a little while.”

“Aye aye, Captain.”

Eren grins happily at you. “Thank you, Levi!”

You hate his eyelashes. And his eyes. And his smile.

His piercings catch the sunlight when he turns his head. Damn, they look good there.

You pull in a deep breath and turn away. You’re fucked up.

But when you lean over the back of your ship, Eren takes up residence next to you.

“Seriously, Levi, thank you.”

“It’s no big deal.”

“No, it is. I know you don’t want to go, and I’m making you go, and I’m making you bring my family too, and now I’m making you stop so I can say bye to my friends when I could probably just ask Reiner to tell them I’m leaving. I know it’s more than you ever agreed to take on. Thank you.”

You look at him.

He leans against the railing, one knee bent, long body curved so his elbows can reach the railing. The sun turns his eyes an even lighter shade of turquoise and glints off his piercings, and the wind blows his hair back and presses his loose shirt against his torso. For all he could barely walk before, he seems to have no trouble now, standing confidently in spite of the rocking ship.

His eyes meet yours.

“It’s no problem,” you answer softly.

His lips curve up like the bow of a ship and separate to reveal two parted rows of pointy white teeth.

You reach out unthinkingly and press a fingertip to a tooth. His eyes widen in shock, and his tongue flicks against your finger.

What the fuck are you doing?

You pull your finger away, but he holds your gaze.

Finally, with an inhale that makes you worry he hasn’t been breathing, he turns to face the ocean again. “Sorry about that.”

“No, it was my fault, I…” you let it trail off. You couldn’t begin to explain your actions.

He lets it slide, thankfully, and you slip into silence.

You find yourself studying him out of the corner of your eye, the way his lips part to taste the salt in the breeze, the pink tint to his cheeks, the way the spray hits his face.

You want to touch him again.

And then he perks up, Gunter adjusts the sails, and the _Sina_ jerks to a halt as Mike drops the anchor.

Eren pulls his shirt over his head, giving you an incredibly good view of his stomach, and then ditches his pants just in time for Mikasa to let out an exasperated “ _Really_ , Eren?” as she heads towards you.

He holds himself up on the railing, throwing a grin at her over his shoulder. “Don’t look, the mermaid’s naked!” He sings.

Maybe it’s the way he’s holding himself, supporting himself entirely on his arms, his legs pressed together and feet off the deck, but his ass is absolutely perfect.

You probably shouldn’t be staring this blatantly.

Seconds later, it stops mattering, because his skin is turning blue, scales falling from his waist down over his gorgeous butt, pulling his legs together into a tail before he flips himself over the side and dives headfirst into the water.

Instantly, Mikasa is in your face.

“If you hurt him,” she snarls, finger poking your chest. “If you hurt him, I will personally give you ten times worse than whatever you give him. Do you understand?”

You brush her hand away. “I don’t know what you think is going on here, and I don’t know what you’re hoping to accomplish, but I’ve got no reason to hurt Eren. He saved my life. This trip is my way of paying him back. When it’s over, I’ll drop him off at home, I’ll get you and the Ambiguously Scientific Duo over there back to your respective towns, and we’ll never see each other again. So you can unclench your ass a little and calm the fuck down, and it’s in your best interest to do so, because if you ever touch me again I’ll chop off your hand. Clear?”

She opens her mouth, but before she can say a word, Armin claps a hand over her mouth and drags her away. “Clear. It’s clear. We got it. Thank you.”

“Erd, get under way the minute the mermaid gets back.”

“Got it.”

You shut yourself in your cabin.

What if he doesn’t come back?

What if that was the last you’ll ever see of him? Did he have it in him to leave Mikasa and Armin here, in your hands? Was he counting on their abilities and your unwillingness to kill to keep them safe? Maybe Reiner and Bertl weren’t swimming next to your ship for Annie, but so that they could grab Mikasa and Armin and get them away.

Stupid, stupid, stupid, you shouldn’t have let him go.

But you couldn’t have kept him here, either.

And in a blinding flash of certainty, you realize that you won’t do it again. If he leaves, you’ll let him go. If he’s gone, you won’t go after him. If Mikasa and Armin want to go, you’ll bring them back home without a word of complaint. You can’t keep him here. He’s not yours to keep.

You press the heels of your hands into your eyes, trying to burn in the image of his face, his eyes, his smile, his hands and feet and legs and tail and torso and hair and nose and neck. You try to remember precisely the way his hand felt in yours, cool no matter how long you held it and just a little bigger than your own hand. You wish –

What the hell are you thinking?

You’ve known him for twenty-four hours at most, probably fewer. He’s a freak, an aberration, considered strange even in the realm of the supernatural. He’s unnatural, nothing you want to be in contact with. You’re a pirate. You want gold and things you can sell. You and the supernatural should only come into contact when you talk to Hanji.

You can almost hear their voice in your head. “ _Coincidences don’t just happen, Levi! They just don’t! They’re the intersections of intentions that are so strong that for them_ not _to happen would require a force greater than one I’ve ever seen. And when it comes to the supernatural, to things that are controlled by gods and goddesses and other worlds and creatures that shouldn’t exist and creatures that are mixes of natural creatures – well, their whole_ existence _is impossible, you can’t expect them to use up more than their share of miracles in stupid coincidences. No, I don’t think that everything happens for a reason. There’s no reason behind any of it. It’s entirely random. But it’s random in a way that makes sense_.”

They’d never seen the need to clarify. You hadn’t cared. It hadn’t been important at the time.

You suppose they’d say that it wasn’t a coincidence that they told you that.

Eren’s turned up twice in your life now. He’s an impossible combination of two species, an incredible mix of human and fish that doesn’t exist anywhere else. He’s used up his share of miracles. Coincidences don’t happen to him anymore. Or, they shouldn’t, according to Hanji.

He has to come back.

You turn and swing your door open.

Mike stands there. He doesn’t look particularly surprised. He probably smelled you coming. “Captain, your little mermaid brought some guests.”

“What?” He’s back?

“He’s up there with a bunch of other mermaids. You might wanna go see.”

You sigh and follow him up the stairs.

Sure enough, Eren sits in the middle of a horde of mermaids, blinking up at you from the ocean with wide eyes.

“Yes?” You prompt him as you glance at the faces assembled below you. You recognize two of them – the brunette girl who ate your potatoes and the kid with the buzz cut who tossed her off your ship. The rest are unfamiliar.

He takes a deep breath and looks at you with a guilty grin. “Well, this is a really big opportunity – not many mermaids get to meet our creator – and – some of my friends –”

“Wanted to come with us. I thought you said no one else was coming aboard?”

“Well, they’re not,” he says quickly. “I mean, they’re mermaids, and they can’t walk anyway, so they probably won’t be on board. They just want to follow us. Maybe throw down a line or something for them to hold on to while they sleep. Nothing major.”

You sigh. “They can come. But they’re coming up here first, I’d like to know who’s coming with us.”

His grin is blindingly bright.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Meet the mermaids, more antics

At some point while Potato Girl is shimmying up the rope, Reiner and Bertl appear, helping mermaids up the rope and, in the case of one little blonde girl, throwing her straight up into Annie’s waiting arms. Reiner gets a glare to rival one of Mikasa’s from a dark-haired girl with freckles, who pulls herself up the rope faster than you thought possible, dragging herself over your deck until she reaches Blondie.

“Connie, time us,” a kid with an undercut yells.

Buzz Cut gives him a thumbs up. “Go!”

Undercut drags himself up.

“Nine seconds! Marco, go!”

A kid with a deep gold tail and scales that dot his entire body like freckles hoists himself up the rope.

“Fuck, nine seconds! You’re tied!”

Freckles laughs in Undercut’s face. “Told you we were even.”

Undercut doesn’t even frown, just grins and brushes a drop of water off Freckles’s face. “Well, fuck.”

Buzz cut – you should really just learn their names – pulls himself up the rope, nearly whacking Reiner in the face with his tail.

When the rope is clear, Annie drops halfway down and comes back up with two sealskins, followed by Reiner and Bertl.

You glance around at your ship, which has apparently become a small nudist colony, as Eren, fully human and fully be-dicked, drops onto the deck next to you, grabbing your arm as his legs give out.

“Damn, Booby Hatch, can’t even stand up straight, huh,” Undercut says with a laugh.

“At least I’ve _got_ legs, Seahorse Face,” Eren shoots back.

“It’s not my fault you’re a freak.”

“And it’s not my fault you look malformed.”

Freckles rolls his eyes. “Jean, be nice.”

“Why aren’t you yelling at Eren, too?”

“Because you started it.”

“Hah, see, even your boyfriend agrees with me,” Eren taunts.

“Eren, most of the reason why I’m on your side is because we wouldn’t get to meet Atargatis without you,” Freckles explains patiently.

You snort. “Right. Well, now that we’ve got all the friendly banter out of the way, I’m gonna need names. I flatly refuse to call you all by your defining features for the entire duration of the trip.”

“Ooh, what’s my defining feature?” Brunette asks with wide eyes.

“Potato Girl.”

Buzz cut laughs so hard he snorts three separate times. “That’s it, Sash, that’s your new nickname. Potato Girl. It’s beautiful. What am I?”

“Buzz cut.”

He punches the air. “I am not what I eat!”

Potato girl smacks him. “Shut it.”

Angry Brunette rolls her eyes. “Can we get something done or…?”

You notice she has collarbone piercings, two tiny gold rings along the left side of her collarbone. “Yeah. What’s your name?”

“Ymir. This is Christa,” she says with a nod at the blond girl holding onto her arm, “Potato Girl is Sasha, Buzz Cut is Connie, Nipple Piercings is Jean –” You heave a sigh as Undercut proudly pushes his chest out to showcase two silver nipple piercings – “And Freckled Atargatis over there is Marco. We’ve all got horribly depressing pasts and if you ask, you’ll get sobstories that’ll ruin your mood regardless of how happy you are, so don’t ask. Yes, Christa and I are dating, Jean and Marco are sappy as all hell, and Connie and Sasha are dating even though they spend most of their time bickering. Yes, Eren’s weird dick bothers us all.”

Eren glances down at his dick and takes one hand off your arm to cover it. “Hey!”

You nod at her. “I like you.”

She reminds you strongly of Annie.

Mikasa appears from the back of the ship carrying the clothing Eren had pulled off before diving into the ocean. “Here, put these on.”

“Thanks, ‘Kasa,” Eren says gratefully, hopping into his pants.

“Mikasa, do you think Eren’s dick is weird?” Connie asks. “Oh – oh no – she’s coming over here – Sash, help –”

“It’s your own fault, idiot,” Sasha yells as she wrenches herself out of Connie’s grip and out of the path of Mikasa’s anger.

“Eren, can you walk yet?” You ask.

He bounces experimentally on his toes. “Probably, why?”

“Go save Buzz Cut –”

“Connie?”

“Yeah, go save him from your sister.”

“Got it,” he says with a mocking salute as he bounces towards Mikasa.

“Hanji,” You say quietly. It doesn’t matter. They’re by your side, understanding your intention of talking to them. “Remember how you said there was no rhyme or reason to who Atargatis shifted?”

“Yeah, why?”

You glance over at them to find that, rather than beaming around at all the possible test subjects, they’re staring at you with an unnerving intensity, like you might have something important to say.

Regardless of what Hanji says they do, you’ve always gotten the feeling there’s more to it – a heightened sense of intuition, maybe, but definitely something extra.

“Might it have something to do with _lovers_? I mean, I don’t know about Eren over there, but he’s not exactly normal anyway, is he?”

They’re still looking at you, but now they’re frowning, looking at you like they’re seeing you for the first time and you happen to be a malformed creature that they can’t quite comprehend. “Do _you_ think it does?”

You almost answer with something flippant, something that would take all responsibility for the idea off your shoulders, but Hanji is still studying you, waiting for your answer like it would help them make sense of something big. “Yes.”

They nod pensively. “There’s a question to ask the Goddess.”

You watch as Ymir and Christa play a hand game. Ymir actually smiles. Maybe Christa is a goddess.

Jean and Marco don’t seem to be doing much, just lying on their stomachs, faces half an inch away from each other, hands touching on the deck between them.

Connie, spared Mikasa’s wrath, lies on Sasha’s tail while she runs her hand back and forth over his hair.

And Eren leans back against the railing next to you, slipping one arm through yours like it belongs there. “Are we good to go?”

You nod. “Erd, we can head for Sargasso now.”

He nods and salutes, signaling to Gunter to let down the sails as Mike hauls up the anchor.

“So you wanted to know who they were. Any other questions?” Eren asks.

“What else is down there?” You rush to clarify: “Mermaids, selkies… anything else?”

Eren bites his lip. “Why, thinking of going for a swim?”

You shake your head. “Shit no.”

He bumps his hip into yours. “Aw, come on, I’ll take you, you won’t even have to worry about swimming, I’ll just tug you around…”

You flatly refuse to look at him. He’s grinning, you know he is, and if you look, you’re gone. “Nope.”

He sighs. “All right. What else is down there… most things, really. A kraken or two.”

“Kraken? I thought those were just giant squids?”

He shakes his head. “Nope. Well. Yes, but no. They’re really, really, really big squids. Really big. Making giant squids look like babies. They used to eat ships, but honestly, I think they’re too big and old now, they can’t get themselves out of the water like they used to. Shame, really.” He bares his pointy teeth. “Ships taste good.”

You poke a finger in his face. “If you put those teeth anywhere near my ship, I will shit on you.”

Before you can pull your finger away, he chomps at it, biting it gently and withdrawing.

You stare at him as his face lights up and laughter bubbles out of him like water. “You’re bright red!” He wheezes.

Your face is blazing.

Mike looks towards you, his nose wrinkling. “You smell –” He blinks. “Never mind.” He throws you a confused glance before turning away.

You appreciate his unwillingness to say you smell like arousal. Very kind of him, actually.

“You smell?” Eren says in confusion. “You don’t smell _that_ bad.”

“Thanks, Jaeger.”

You watch as Jean begins counting Marco’s freckles. Marco grabs his hand before it can leave his face and leans into it.

“Recently dead,” Eren says quietly. “Marco was attacked by a shark. Torn nearly in half. He and Jean were changed at the same time.”

You watch the way Jean touches him, carefully, like he might fall apart.

“Must be hard, going back in the ocean.”

Eren nods. “Sasha – I know she starved to death. Connie doesn’t like to talk about it too much, but from what I’ve figured out, he was in the wrong gang, and – things went downhill fast. Christa and Ymir are both older than we are, I think, by a lot, but they say they’re our age – I don’t think they want to talk about it either, and they pass for eighteen just fine, so no one bothers them about it. Christa was royalty somewhere, and Ymir was her bodyguard. Ymir died protecting her.” He sighs. “Most mermaids are like that. They end up together, somehow. Always. Jean wasn’t even dead when Atargatis made him a mermaid, for goddess’s sake. He didn’t even know Marco loved him.”

“He looks at Jean like the kid holds the answers to the universe, how’d he miss it?”

Eren shrugs. “I have no idea, but he still ended up a mermaid, and he’s not even the freak here.” He throws a frustrated glance at his legs. “I mean, they’re useful, but – I died, normally. Or. Not normally. But I _died_. Why did Jean get to be a normal mermaid instead of me?”

You shrug. “Does it matter? You’re standing here on your own two feet, and he’s stuck lying on a hard wooden deck.”

“But he’s not alone. Mermaids aren’t supposed to be alone.”

You glance at where his arm is linked around yours. “Is that why you’ve attached yourself to me like a leech?”

He glances down and flushes like the sunset, pulling his arm out of his and jumping away. “No, I – I’m sorry, I – didn’t even notice, fuck – I’m sorry – why didn’t you say something earlier?”

He looks like he’s ready to dive over the side of the ship in shame. Fuck, the poor kid’s face might actually catch fire. You can’t have that. You reach out and pull him back towards you. “I didn’t say anything ‘cause I don’t give a shit.”

He covers his face with his free hand. “I’m sorry,” he mutters into his wrist. “I don’t know what I’m doing. I have no damn idea what’s going on. I don’t –” He huffs. “I keep doing this shit and I don’t know why!”

“If it helps, I have no idea why I haven’t tossed you off the ship yet,” you offer. “Actually, I don’t think that helps. Ignore that.”

He snorts. “You dragged me back when I tried to leave, I’m not particularly worried about being kicked off.”

You nod. “Don’t know why I did that, either.”

He laughs and slips his hand into yours. “If you can send Annie and Reiner after me, I can hold your hand.”

Your lips lift into a smile before you can stop them. “Deal.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> actual things will happen next chapter that aren't just foreshadowing I swear


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which the new characters are actually given lines and Levi and Eren are slightly less blind

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I said things would happen this chapter, but then I remembered that other things had to happen. Things will happen next chapter, and I can say this with certainty because I'm already a good way into the next chapter and things are happening.  
> Also there's [fanart!!!!](http://under-my-umbrivaille.tumblr.com/post/81483619756/i-was-reading-a-fanfic-called-sails-of-freedom) and you should check it out ok  
> edit: there's [more!](http://under-my-umbrivaille.tumblr.com/post/81585478838/i-am-so-much-into-all-this-mermaid-au-thing-now) the first drawing in the set is from this, anyway, along with a really cool mer!levi.

You learn things about your new passengers, as the hours pass.

You learn that, if Reiner and Bertl disappear, you shouldn’t go anywhere quiet, because they will be there, and because a naked make-out session isn’t a thing you ever want to witness again.

You learn that Sasha eats everything, and that Connie never stops her from eating, regardless of how much he rolls his eyes over it. You’ve already locked your storeroom and found her trying to break in three times. You still can’t figure out how she managed to get down the stairs with a tail instead of legs.

Jean and Eren antagonize each other non-stop, but it’s mostly light-hearted – “How does a flaming asshole like you manage to exist in the ocean?” “I have no idea, how does a stupid fucker like you manage to exist at all?” – and it generally ends within minutes, thanks to the fact that Jean can’t seem to keep his attention off Marco for more than thirty seconds at a clip.

Anywhere Ymir goes, Christa follows, and vice versa. Christa smiles easily and a lot; Ymir smiles at Christa. Christa helps everyone who needs it; Ymir helps Christa help them.

All of them know Mikasa and Armin, and you discover that the two of them are the only family members who visit; the others have, apparently, left their families behind entirely, without a second thought. Hanji seems entirely unsurprised by this, muttering something about energy flow and renewal that makes Armin and Moblit nod furiously.

Through it all, Eren is at your side, your intertwined hands swinging between the two of you as you walk. He tells you about the time Jean disappeared for two days, scared the fuck out of Marco, and returned with nipple piercings. He’s laughing so hard he can barely tell you how bright red Marco’s face was, how he tried so hard to be angry and couldn’t do it. He tells you about the time Sasha stole his dinner right out of his hands and he didn’t realize until he’d bitten into his hand instead of seaweed. He tells you about Ymir piercing his fins, carefully keeping the rings far enough away that they wouldn’t cause a problem when he shifted. He tells you about Armin’s careful experiments, and about the number of times Armin warned Eren not to shift while wearing pants. Eren had tried it, of course, and Armin had almost fainted when he’d seen the strange mess of cloth and scales that had to be carefully pulled apart as Eren shifted back. Mikasa pitched in for that one, adding that while Armin had _almost_ fainted, Eren actually _had_ fainted halfway through shifting, leaving his legs and tail combined in a horrific mess that had Mikasa worrying that she’d have to amputate his entire bottom half.

You tell him about the time Hanji sent Moblit to find unicorn hair, and he nearly got skewered on a unicorn horn. You tell him about the one and only time Mike’s nose went wrong: when you brought Annie on board the first time, he’d told you she smelled wrong.

“Well, but she’s a selkie, isn’t she? She wouldn’t smell human.”

“Well, shit, he was right.”

You teach him how to climb into the rigging, how to maneuver himself through it like a sailor. He catches on quickly, like he’d been doing it his whole life, holding himself triumphantly above the deck and laughing at Mikasa, down below with her arms crossed and, you presume, a frown on her face – you can’t actually see that far down.

“Captain,” Gunter catches your attention as you near him. “There’s no wind. I think there’s a fog rolling in.”

You nod. “Probably. We’ll just wait it out. It’s just fog.”

He shakes his head. “Erwin’s out there, somewhere. He’s got a big crew, and they’re used to taking damage. I’d be shocked if they weren’t on the move already. And if we get caught in the fog before they do, we’ll be sitting ducks, waiting for the fog to lift and Erwin to smash a hole in _Sina_.”

You scan the horizon. You don’t see anything, but the sun is setting, and.

You sigh. “Well, there’s not much we can do about it except stay ready and keep watch.”

“Erwin?” Eren asks curiously. “Why would he be here?”

“He’s looking for us. We had… an altercation with him. Earlier today.” You frown. Had that been just this morning?

“You didn’t tell me?”

“It’s been a long day.” Shit, you’ve known this kid for a few hours, and you’re crouching beside him in the rigging and you’ve been holding his hand nearly all day long. What the hell are you doing? The only people you talk to on a daily basis is your crew, and that’s not just when you’re at sea; even on land, you don’t seek out old friends or acquaintances.

You swing past Eren and slide down a line to the deck. Eren drops down beside you just seconds later. “Annie, is –”

“Sasha is cooking.”

“You let her near the food?” Eren yells.

“She offered to cook dinner, I wasn’t gonna turn that down.”

Eren rolls his eyes. “Jeez Annie, it’s like you’re trying to use up all the food –”

“It’s fine, I told her she has to replace whatever she takes.” Annie almost smiles. “That means Sasha’s going hunting. That means we’re getting _everything_ – shark, squid, all the weird fish she manages to dredge up and cook to perfection…”

“Are you telling me she manages to start fires underwater?”

Annie coughs. Or laughs. One or the other. “Nah, she used to bring food when we went to visit Mika and Armin.”

“Used to?”

“I haven’t seen them in years. Since a couple years before you found me.”

“She still does,” Eren confirms. “And she can _cook_. She puts Jean to shame.”

“Jean? Is that the one with the undercut?”

“You don’t know?” You ask.

“I haven’t seen any mermaids in years.”

“Yeah, that’s the one with the undercut. And he can do things with frog legs that actually make them taste good.”

“Frog legs aren’t too bad to begin with.”

Eren looks at her the way you’d looked at her when she’d pulled a sealskin out of nowhere and turned into a damn seal. “Frog legs are gross.”

“Do you even have taste buds?”

“Do _you_?”

“Right, right,” you cut in before they can get into it. “Let’s go see what that girl is doing to my kitchen.”

You grab Eren’s hand and pull him away.

Sasha is having the time of her life, munching on an entire loaf of bread while Connie and Moblit pass her ingredients. Poor Moblit looks like he’s being run into the ground – he’s the only one with legs, and the only one who can get around with any ease at all.

“Sorry, Moblit.”

He shrugs. “Better than anything Hanji’s ever had me do.”

“What else have they made you do?” Eren asks curiously.

“Clean their room.” He shudders. “You can’t even imagine what I found in there. I think some of it started out without sentience and gained it later on.”

You shiver. “Let’s not talk about that around food. We have to _eat_ this.”

Moblit snorts. “Talking about it won’t bring it into existence.”

“Did Hanji confirm that?”

He pauses. “No, actually.”

“If things can gain sentience, they can appear out of thin air into my food. Let’s not test it.”

He nods. “Fair enough.”

“I’m surprised you left Hanji alone, though. Aren’t you scared they’ll fall overboard or something?”

He shakes his head. “They’re talking about mermaid theory with Armin.”

“Mermaid theory?”

“Reincarnation verses being transformed into a mermaid, to be specific. The amount and type of energy used and put out in each and –”

“Moblit, gimme the pepper,” Sasha interrupts. “Also, I need that fork that you said was in my way before. And I need you to stand right here cause this is gonna be done soon and I can’t take the pot off the stove.”

Moblit makes a face at you. “I guess this conversation isn’t gonna happen.”

“Moblit!” Sasha exclaims.

Eren tugs on your hand. “I think it’s time to go.”

“I’m okay with that.”

You follow him out of the room and something tugs at your chest, looking at his strong back in front of you, his arm extended behind him, pulling you with him, and even though he doesn’t do it you can see him turning his head to flash you a grin over his shoulder, and you can see a shirt on him where there is none, and the rocking of the ship isn’t right you’re on land it shouldn’t be doing that –

He almost walks into Hanji.

You blink, and it’s gone. Eren stands shirtless in front of you on your ship, one hand on his chest as he yells about walking too quietly. Hanji laughs and pushes past him, winking at you as they pass, screaming for Moblit.

Eren looks back at you, terror clear in his eyes. “Let’s _go_ , if they’re taking Moblit there’ll be no one in there with legs and Sasha’ll ask _us_ to help her.” He tugs on your hand and you’re following him again, up _Sina’s_ familiar stairs and onto her familiar deck, your deck, your ship, the last rays of the setting sun glimmering on her railings, surrounded by the smell of the sea.

You want to kiss Eren.

You choose to ignore that urge, instead taking him on your rounds of the ship, walking around on deck, checking that everything is in its proper place, taking in the familiar sight of Gunter as a tiny dot in the rigging and of Erd at the helm. You glance over the stern and see Annie, Bertl, and Reiner sitting in the net meant to catch anyone who falls from the rigging. Mikasa and Armin lean over the railing on the starboard side, watching the mermaids swim around, watching Jean use his tail to splash Christa with an enormous wave of water, watching Christa jump on him and push him under before Ymir can.

“Do you want to go down there with them?” You ask Eren.

He shakes his head. “I’d rather be up here with you.”

You shouldn’t care about that as much as you do.

You squeeze his hand.

“Dinner time! Where is everyone?”

Eren leans over the railing. “Marco! Tell the asshole and Christa to get their asses above water, it’s time for dinner!”

Marco disappears underwater.

Annie appears, soaking wet and nearly naked, tugging a shirt over her head as she walks. “I’ll keep an eye out and eat later.”

You nod your thanks, and then Eren pulls you downstairs.

Thank god half your guests don’t mind sitting on the floor. You don’t have nearly enough chairs for them all.

Reiner, Bertl, and Mike come downstairs a little late, and you’re shocked to see them all wearing Mike’s pants.

Reiner plunks down in one of the few remaining chairs and points at you. “I am only wearing pants because Annie insisted that if we brought our bare genitals anywhere near food or a chair or you, you’d shit yourself and kick us off.”

“I don’t think I tell Annie often enough how much I appreciate her,” you muse. “And thanks, Mike, for lending them your pants.”

He winces. “I don’t like it.” He sniffs in their direction. “It’s not right. Maybe we should just bring them their dinner from now on.”

“Why are you here, anyway? There’s no way you eat dinner with other people on a regular basis, you’d have clothes if you did.”

“Sasha cooked,” Reiner says, and Bertl nods his agreement. “You don’t just _not eat_ a Sasha dinner.”

Connie grins proudly. “Sash cooks so well it doesn’t even matter if she eats everything.”

“If she eats everything, she’s replacing it,” you grumble. “Do we even have enough food for this? I wasn’t planning on going all the way to the Sargasso Sea, let alone with an extra thirteen passengers.”

Sasha shrugs as Hanji carries her in. “I’ll just go fishing if it’s not enough.” She grins at Hanji as they set her down next to Connie. “Thanks, Han.”

Something gives you the impression that Hanji would willingly carry Sasha to the end of the universe if it meant being able to carry a mermaid. Maybe it’s the happy grin on their face as they skip out to help Moblit carry in food.

Moblit sets a plate in front of you.

“The hell is this?”

He shrugs.

“Sasha?”

She shrugs. “You had it all in your storeroom. I’m not sure what some of it’s called, I never had this stuff when –” she falters. “Before.”

Right.

Next to you, Eren digs in without hesitation. His eyes nearly roll back in his head.

You want to be the one to make him do that.

You have no idea where that thought came from.

You stab a piece of – potato? It looks like a potato – and eat it.

Holy shit.

You swallow and wipe your mouth.

“Sasha, I would like you to become a permanent member of our crew.”

She laughs. “Sounds like a plan.”

Connie kisses her cheek.

“I didn’t even know it was possible to make something this good out of what I’ve got,” you mutter.

“I’m magic,” Sasha says seriously.

“I believe it.”

You look over the quiet table. You’ve never once eaten dinner on this ship quietly – even with your antisocial crew, things stay lively. But the only person not concentrating on his food is Jean, who holds a piece of potato in his hand while eyeing Eren.

You almost want to be shocked when he throws it, but you’re not.

You catch the thing before it hits Eren’s face.

Eren snaps up, his face going white when he sees your hand in front of his face. “What –?”

You peg it back at Jean. It smacks him in the forehead. “No food fights.”

Eren snorts and bursts into laughter as you wipe your hand on a napkin.

“No throwing messy foods, either.”

Jean goes beet red. “Sorry,” he mutters.

Marco’s eyebrows shoot up. “You just apologized?”

Jean looks like he’s ready to sink into the floor. “I don’t want to get kicked off,” he mutters.

Marco smiles gently at him and kisses his forehead. “Don’t worry. If you get kicked off – and you won’t –” he shoots you a look – “I’ll go with you. I won’t let you go alone.”

“I know. But you should be able to meet Atargatis. I don’t want to take that away from you.”

You roll your eyes. “Jean, I’m not kicking you off the ship. I don’t give a shit if you fight, but no messes allowed. Throwing a potato is messy. You wanna talk crap and bicker with Eren all day long, I don’t care. But no messes. I put too much work into keeping this place clean. Got it?”

He nods and Marco smiles at you gratefully.

“Damn, though,” Eren mutters. “Caught that potato with one hand.”

You shrug. “Wasn’t gonna let it hit you in the face.”

“Hey!” Jean says indignantly. “You let it hit _me_ in the face!”

“Eren’s got a prettier face than you do.”

Mikasa chokes on her drink.

Reiner starts chuckling, and then Bertl covers his mouth as his shoulders shake with laughter, and then Hanji cackles, and then the whole table is laughing, and Eren’s face is bright red, and you’re pretty sure yours is too.

“That’s not true!” Jean yells indignantly. Marco has his head pressed against Jean’s shoulder as he laughs, and Jean’s yell only makes him laugh harder.

“Yes it damn well is!” Eren yells back, pointing at his face. “See this? It’s fuckin’ gorgeous, not like _your_ horse face.”

“A horse face is better than an ass face!”

“Well, Levi happens to like this ass face, which you can’t say, so –”

“Marco likes _this_ horse face, and you can’t say that, so –”

“Marco, tell the truth, do you really like Jean’s face? _Really_?”

Marco lifts up his head long enough to reveal tears streaming down his cheeks and to nod before returning to Jean’s shoulder.

“See? I told you!” Jean yells, a little smile taking the edge out of his voice.

“He’s your boyfriend, he’s required to say that!”

“And Levi’s your –” He falters.

The table falls silent.

“Nothing that requires me to say his face is pretty,” you throw at him, and the banter begins again.

You can feel Hanji’s eyes on you.

If they get you alone, they’re gonna want to talk about that. And probably about reincarnation.

So you break it off as it begins to wind down. “Annie’s watching the ship now. I’ll take dawn watch. Mike, take over for Annie, Petra and Auruo, you can split the other two shifts between you as you see fit.”

The three of them nod and stand.

“Ah – where are we sleeping?” Armin asks.

“We can sleep in the ocean,” Ymir offers. “Then you only have to fit Hanji, Moblit, Armin, and Mikasa.”

“And Eren,” Mikasa adds.

“Nah, I’ll sleep in the ocean,” Eren says. “So only four –”

“Three,” Moblit and Hanji correct at the same time.

“Only three beds needed,” Eren finishes.

“Well, Annie gave up hers, so there’s one. There’s gotta be a couple extra hammocks down there.”

“I can hang them,” Erd offers.

“Thank you.”

You end up washing the dishes – you don’t trust anyone else to wash them properly – and Eren appears by your side after a few minutes, picking up a towel and drying them for you.

“Not sleeping yet?”

He shrugs. “I helped everyone get set up, with lines tying them to the ship and everything so they don’t float away, and I knew you’d be up here washing dishes alone and figured you wouldn’t mind company.”

You open your mouth to respond, but fuck if you’re not speechless. So you close it and keep washing.

“Do you mind if I sing?” Eren asks a few minutes later. “I’m human, not a mermaid, so my range is only a few feet. You’re the only one in range, and it doesn’t affect you, so you won’t have to worry about your crew doing stupid shit.”

No, no he can’t. You can’t trust him. You’ve known him for a day, and in that time you’ve discovered that he has an indescribable effect on you, and you have no idea why or how. Hell no, he can’t sing. “Sure.”

The fuck is wrong with you?

But then he starts singing, and you can’t stop him.

He really has a beautiful voice. Otherworldly.

You glance at him out of the corner of your eye.

He looks peaceful, happy, head tilted to the side as he sings a wordless story of waves beating against cliffs and the unknowable depths of the ocean and rough seas and the exhilaration of existing in it and belonging there.

You lean over and kiss his jaw and immediately decide that you’re going to ignore it, because why the fuck would you do that?

He falters, and his ears turn red, but he keeps singing, keeps singing the beautiful song that you shouldn’t understand but do.

He stops singing after he dries the last dish. “Levi?”

“Yeah?”

He glances up at you from underneath his long eyelashes. “I think I want to kiss you.”

No. He can’t kiss you. You’ve known him for _one_ _day_. You can’t fall in love with someone after one day. One day can’t make you feel like kissing his forehead and combing your fingers through his hair and falling asleep next to him. One day shouldn’t do this.

You reach up one hand and cup his cheek. It’s smooth under your fingers, and you run your thumb over his cheekbone to test it, to see if it remains smooth and cool if you move. You stretch up towards him and he leans down to meet you halfway, his nose bumping against yours before you tilt your head so you can meet his soft lips.

You pull away and his eyes flicker open, the beautiful blue-green closer to you than you ever thought possible. You could drown in his eyes.

“Just to clarify,” Eren murmurs, “You don’t understand what’s going on either, right? And you’re just as stupidly confused as I am?”

You nod. “Yeah.”

“Can I kiss you again, then? Just to make sure I’m not confused about this, specifically? The whole kissing thing?”

You grin and slide your hand around to the back of his neck so you can pull him towards you.

And then.

You hiccup.

Eren bites his lip.

You hiccup again.

He snorts.

You cover your mouth, but it’s useless. Your whole body jolts with another hiccup, and that’s it, Eren convulses with laughter.

You turn away, but he wraps his arms around your waist, and for some reason, they feel _right_ there, like that’s where they belong, like they’re not a strange intrusion into your space.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” he laughs as you hiccup again. “It’s just – you’re so _cute_ , but you don’t look like the kind of guy who should be cute, I don’t know, I –” he laughs harder as you hiccup again.

“I’m not –” hiccup – “cute.”

He presses his face into your hair as he laughs.

You roll your eyes and hiccup. “I’m going to b –” hiccup – “bed.” You wait until  you hiccup again, take a deep breath, and spit out the whole sentence between hiccups: “Where’re you sleeping tonight?”

 That stops his laughter, thank god. “I didn’t realize I had a choice. Are there other hammocks left?”

Hiccup, breathe, spew sentence: “You could share with me.” You’re getting good at this.

“I could?” He lets go of you so he can lean around and look at you with eyes the size of plates.

Hiccup, ignore Eren’s giggle, deep breath. “I offered, didn’t I?”

He nods. “I – yeah. I’d like that.”

You lead him back to your room, upstairs and over the deck – Gunter was right; the fog rolled in and sits in thick clouds over your ship – and into your cabin at the front of the ship.

“I – what do you want me to wear?” Eren asks.

You shrug. “I’ve probably got something.”

“Levi, you’re a little short.”

“A ‘little short,’ isn’t that redundant?” You mutter. “You could always just sleep in those pants.”

“All right,” he says cheerfully.

You didn’t expect him to acquiesce so easily.

You don’t expect him to avert his eyes when you strip down, either, but he does.

He loiters by the door, looking anywhere but at you – you’re not even naked, and he spends all his time with topless people, why is this such a big deal? – and you have to cordially invite him into your bed before he moves, sliding towards you like he doesn’t know if he’s allowed to, blushing so hard you’re worried the rest of him will die of blood loss. God, you hope that doesn’t happen. Mikasa would drown you.

But when he’s finally in bed with you, he relaxes, pulling you back against his chest and wrapping an arm around your waist. You rest your arm on top of his, feeling your elbow rub against the scales that cover his elbow. You close your eyes and let your fingers drift over the back of his hand, and he hums contentedly and draws the hum out into a lullaby that eases its way into your dreams.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shit goes down, Hanji explains a lot, Levi gets a headache

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> there are so many kudos and comments and hits!!!! thank you guys so much I flail a little every time I see the numbers go up uwu  
> also my awesome beta drew [fanart](http://karkats-thong.tumblr.com/post/82226170569/drew-a-dumb-eren-for-sails-of-freedom-hes-a-baby) and it's perf I'm so happy go look k

There’s a sharp rap on your door, and you’re up instantly. Whoever it is doesn’t bother doing anything else; it’s your watch and it’s your responsibility to get up.

You slide carefully out of Eren’s arms without waking him, but by the time you get dressed, he’s yawning and crawling out of bed.

“You can sleep a little longer, you know.”

He shakes his head as he stretches. “I’ll do your watch with you. Besides, if Mikasa finds out I was in here all night, she might pull the ship apart with her bare hands. She’s been a little overprotective since we adopted her, and it got worse when I – went mermaid.”

“It’s fine. Just as long as she leaves my ship alone.” You pat the solid wooden wall. “ _Sina’s_ walls are the only thing standing between us and a pretty painful death.” You frown. “Well, maybe not for you. For me.”

He takes your hand. “I wouldn’t let you drown,” he promises.

“I’ll hold you to that,” you say dryly. “Let’s go.”

Sometimes, you miss the Navy. You miss having a big enough crew that you could put one person at the stern and one at the bow. You miss having a big enough crew that you, as captain, were exempt from the watch schedule.

And then there are times when you get to wander around your silent ship, making your way through the fog nearly entirely by feel, waiting for the sun to rise and paint _Sina_ in pink and gold, when you don’t mind half as much, when you’re pretty damn happy to be a pirate captain, happy to be on equal terms with your crew.

The morning is silent, the only sound the echoing splash of water against your ship. The fog sits on your skin like sweat, and the sound of your footsteps is swallowed by its weight. You brush your fingertips over the railings, disturbing the droplets of water there and leaving your hand as cool as the one intertwined with Eren’s.

The sun rises slowly, hints of light dying the fog pink, and the fog begins to evaporate.

“Levi, what is –” Eren tugs at your hand and you turn.

As the fog eases away, an enormous shadow appears, a shadow that you used to captain.

Gunter was right.

He was right, and the _Maria_ is right here, right in front of you.

“Battle stations!” You scream at the top of your lungs, and Eren tears himself away from you and runs towards the mermaids, tied to the ship and incapable of swimming away.

Annie isn’t even on the ship, she’s the best you’ve got –

Mike gets to the front before you do, barreling up the stairs, Petra on his heels with powder.

Erwin stands there, at the helm of his ship, facing you.

He has the balls to salute you as he gives the signal to shoot.

Mike is nowhere near ready to shoot, there’s no way you’ll be able to aim and shoot –

And then you hear singing behind you.

You whip around and see Eren tripping over his pants as he pulls them off.

You spin to face the front again.

Erwin pauses, staring at the nude boy running towards him at full speed. His mouth hangs open, and he stares at you curiously, but he gives the signal anyway.

Eren jumps off two feet and his tail smacks into the railing when he grabs it.

And then it makes sense, what he’d said about his range.

His voice is amplified, his song alluring in a way it hadn’t been before, and Erwin’s whole crew stops moving, spellbound.

Unfortunately, yours does too.

“Are –” you begin, but you get cut off.

“Eren!”

Eren nods at the side of the ship, flipping his tail through the railing so he can sit comfortably, and you sprint over.

Ymir waves at you from the water. “You’re not Eren.”

“Eren’s a little busy at the moment.”

“Why aren’t you affected? Is everyone else still immobile? Do we need –”

“I have no idea, but everyone else is still stuck, why?”

She opens her mouth, but Jean cuts her off. “Figure out why later. We’ve got Reiner, Bertl, and Annie, you’re free to sail away any time now.”

You glance up at _Maria_. “I’ll turn towards you, okay? You’ve gotta either swim at our speed or stay well below the water, or you’ll get keelhauled.”

The six of them nod, and you go back to Eren and kiss his neck – the highest part of him you can reach at the moment without standing on your tiptoes. “Ready?”

He rolls his eyes at you, but a faint blush tints his ears red, and you take that as a yes.

You almost feel guilty as you sail around _Maria_. You used to sail her, you aimed those guns when your crewmembers couldn’t, and now she’s sitting there, helpless, her crew unable to take down its enemy, felled not by a well-aimed cannonball but by a goddamn mermaid with an incredible voice. You swear you can see her longing to engage you in proper battle, or come to a proper truce, or do something other than sit there uselessly as her enemy sails past.

On the other hand, you’re perfectly content to not subject _Sina_ to a battle.

You pat the wheel. She’s a good ship.

You watch Eren as you move away from _Maria_. He swings his blue tail over the bow of your ship, letting it catch the warm morning light, and sings and sings and sings, his song carrying over the ocean like the waves existed to hold his beautiful voice.

He glances at you over his shoulder and smiles.

You wish you could just – just – you –

It’s just the two of you, just the two of you on your little boat, and it’s wonderful – you’re so happy to be alone with him, it’s been too long – and every particle in your body is rebelling against this moment, this one, right now –

Eren’s voice fades, and as you watch, his scales recede, fading into smooth skin that nevertheless catches the light.

“Jaeger, you stupid nipple wank, I hate you,” Reiner calls up half-heartedly from the water.

“I saved your ass, you ungrateful ball of seal fat,” Eren calls back cheerfully.

Mike sits on the deck with a groan. “You smell weird after you do that,” he mutters. “Like smoke.”

“Really?”

Mike nods.

“Is that bad?” Eren asks apprehensively.

Mike shrugs. “It’s just a different smell, is all.”

Christa’s blonde head pops over the railing just as Mikasa flies onto the deck, still in her nightgown.

“Way to go, Eren –” Christa congratulates as she flops onto deck.

Mikasa cuts her off. “Eren, what on earth just – oh, no, put some pants on,” she gripes.

“They’re over there,” he says, pointing at where he dropped them.

You grimace as he scooches his bare ass around on your railing. “You’re washing that railing when you’re done.”

He grins. “If you say so.”

“I do.”

“Wow, Eren, I’ve never heard you extend your voice that far before,” Marco says as he pulls himself onboard.

Eren shrugs as Mikasa passes him his pants. “Never had to before.”

“Why were your pants on deck, by the way?” Mikasa asks. You ignore her. She’s probably staring at you right now.

But Eren just rolls his eyes. “I woke up early and couldn’t get back to sleep, so I came up here. It’s a little hard to walk around without legs.”

“That’s –”

“Eren!” Hanji’s squeal is distinctive enough that you don’t even have to turn around to identify them. “Your voice is beautiful! Why didn’t I ever get to hear it before?”

“Because it paralyzes you?” You suggest.

You can practically see them ignoring you. “Levi, are you ready to talk about reincarnation yet?”

You roll your eyes. “What does that have to do with Eren’s voice?”

“Everything.” They appear beside you. “Levi, I’m going to tell you soon, whether you’re ready for it or not. The world is…” their eyes glaze over as they stare out over the ocean. “There’s no real intent, right now. All the lines are separated out. But they won’t stay that way. They never do. They crisscross and tangle, and you should know what you’re walking into. And you’ll need to know soon.”

“How do you know?” You grump.

“He’s here.” Hanji’s eyes slide to Eren, who looks back with wide eyes.

“What do I have to do with this?” He squeaks.

Mikasa steps to his side and crosses her arms over her chest. Nightgown or not, she’s terrifying, and you’d hate to be Hanji right about now. “What does Eren have to do with _any_ of this?”

“Everything.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Mikasa spits.

Hanji grins cheerfully. “It means there are no coincidences. The world is too busy sorting things out to allow for coincidences. And for someone like Eren – an anomaly twice over – coincidences just aren’t things that are going to happen. Anything out of the ordinary is notable. So why is he alone?”

“What do you mean, why is he alone?” Mikasa asks indignantly.

Hanji’s smile only widens.

“Why don’t you ask Levi?”

You sigh. “All right, all right, don’t give Mikasa a heart attack. Just talk.” You give up the wheel to Erd and glance at your crew. “Someone needs to make breakfast – or help Sasha make it, anyway – and someone – Annie, you’ve got the best eyes – here, take my telescope – keep an eye on _Maria_ back there. I want to know the moment she gets within Eren’s vocal range, all right?”

Annie nods and takes the telescope. Sasha turns an eye on Moblit, who shakes his head: “I’ve gotta sit here with Hanji.”

“I’ll help,” Petra says brightly, grabbing Auruo’s hand.

“I don’t want to help cook,” Auruo says.

“Too bad,” Petra replies cheerfully. “You grab Connie and I’ll grab Sasha.”

They disappear down the stairs carrying their mermaid cargo.

“Ready?” Hanji asks.

You nod.

They clap their hands. “Right. So you know the basics. You die and get brought back. But the thing is,” they say, leaning forward, eyes shining with the excitement that only makes an appearance when they get to explain things, “it’s not quite that simple. You don’t just get a second chance. That second chance is hard-won. Your second life will mirror your first. It won’t be exactly the same – that’s impossible – but it will be extraordinarily similar. See, reincarnation is going against the law: it brings a soul back from the afterlife, instead of ferrying it there. Going against the flow, as it were. That’s difficult enough without creating an entirely new life for you. The world wants you to repeat your life – it’s easier that way. You have to work to make sure you don’t. Or. Well. To make sure you don’t repeat the bad parts, anyway. Presumably, you’d like to keep the good parts. So here you are, reliving a previous life, probably sticking pretty close to it too. And then.” They turn their gaze to Eren. “This kid pops in. Twice. And he’s a mermaid-human shifting anomaly with a super-strong voice whom _you_ –” they point at you – “are very, very attracted to, even though you’ve known him for a day and a half and could have the pick of the lot if you bothered trying to find a lover.”

Wait, what? “Hanji –”

But it’s too late, they’re already moving on. “And then we have _you_. Eren, you’re weird. For all the obvious reasons, and then some.”

“Gee, thanks,” he mutters.

“Look at other mermaids,” Hanji continues, undeterred. “Have you ever met a mermaid who died alone? Who wasn’t followed by their lover? Ever?”

Eren opens his mouth.

His eyebrows pull together.

He closes his mouth.

Hanji grins. “You’re the only one, aren’t you.”

“He was eight!” Mikasa cries. “Who the hell was supposed to follow him?”

Hanji turns to look at you.

“What?”

“Levi, how old are you?”

“Thirty, why?”

“Thirteen when Eren died, thirteen years between your death and his birth…” they frown. “That’s a lot of thirteens.” They stare at you for a second before shrugging. “Anyway, my theory here is: you’re both clearly intertwined somehow –” Eren blushes furiously – “Eren’s abnormal as a pig in a basket, and Levi is reliving a life that probably didn’t ever have mermaids in it before. Mermaids are a pretty big problem, see – they’re reincarnated, but being part fish wrenches them so far out of their pasts that they don’t have to relive their previous lives; it’s a real second chance in a way that reincarnation isn’t. Mermaids and reincarnated souls generally keep their distance, because that’s a lot of abnormality and weirdness and coincidence that the universe doesn’t want to deal with. So the two of you together is weird, Eren’s weird, and this is all really, really weird.” They grin fiercely. “And now the two of you are on the same ship for several days – definitely going against the general guideline that mermaids and reincarnated souls should be kept apart – and you’re already showing some form of attraction to each other, and –” they sigh happily. “This is all very interesting. I can’t wait to see what _happens_.”

Mikasa looks like she’s on the verge of grabbing Eren and diving overboard. Eren looks like he’s just found out he’s a freak.

You hold up a finger. “What the fuck makes you think I’m reincarnated?”

“You’re dead,” Hanji says, like it’s obvious.

“Sorry?”

“Isn’t it obvious?”

“No?”

“You’ve been reincarnated. You’re dead. All reincarnated souls – mermaid or otherwise – are dead. Just – given more time. Sometimes in a totally different form, but still. Mermaid’s sing _hope_. They sing of hope and love and grief so strong that they were given a second chance to love. Their song is so strong that it affects all living creatures who are able to love. You’re not alive, Levi, you’re dead. That’s why it doesn’t affect you.”

You narrow your eyes at them. “Why didn’t you tell us all this about mermaids before?”

“Because you weren’t ready to talk about reincarnation before and nearly everything a mermaid is, is reincarnation.”

“Why is Eren’s voice so strong?” Mikasa asks in a tiny voice.

“Because he’s been reincarnated twice.”

Mikasa bites her lip and buries her face in her hands.

You pinch the bridge of your nose. “All right. So to clarify. All reincarnated souls are dead. Human incarnations are fated to repeat their previous life, unless they can get _out_ of that; mermaids are not, because they’re part fish. Reincarnation on its own is a big deal because it reverses the normal process of dying; becoming a mermaid is even stranger because it automatically pulls its subjects out of their life-repeating thing. The world hates coincidences and weirdness, and reincarnated humans and mermaids coming into contact at all is strange, let alone in a way that would have them together on a ship for several days. I’m dead, which is obvious, because I’m not affected by mermaid song. Eren’s abnormalities are because he was already reincarnated once before becoming a mermaid. He and I are together because…?”

“You were lovers in a past life,” they supply.

You squeeze your eyes shut. “Right. So I got everything correct?”

“You barely scratched the surface –”

“Wasn’t trying to –”

“But yes.”

You nod and open your eyes. “So how would this have worked? Timing-wise?”

“You were together in your first life. You died, thirty years ago, and were reincarnated into this life. Thirteen years later, Eren died and was reincarnated into his life with Mikasa. Seven years ago, eight years after being reborn, Eren died again and became a mermaid. And here you are today, on a ship together.”

Hanji beams around at you like they’ve just given you a wonderful gift.

Last you checked, headaches weren’t a wonderful gift.

Mikasa pulls in a slow breath. You don’t blame her. You’re having trouble breathing properly too.

Eren isn’t, though. He just leans against the railing, looking over his shoulder at the waves, the breeze blowing his hair towards you, the sunlight outlining his face. He turns to face you, though, like he can feel your gaze on him, and gives you a little half-smile. “Sorry.”

Sorry? “For what?”

“I know you didn’t want this.”

“Want what? To be reincarnated?”

He gestures at himself. “This. Me.” He smiles a little sadly. “I can leave or something. Swim along next to the ship until we get there instead of staying on the boat.”

“What made you think –” you glance at Mikasa – “Any of that?”

His mouth flaps. “I – you always seem angry.” He frowns. “Maybe not.”

“It’s a lot to process,” you admit, “but I’m not particularly angry about any of it.”

“You –” Mikasa starts up, but Hanji grabs her arm.

“Mikasa, let’s go talk about some of your intentions and why they’re not very good.”

You watch Hanji drag Mikasa downstairs.

“So you’re okay with this?”

No, of course not. You’re dead, apparently, and you’re going to relive whatever life ended in you dying thirteen years before Eren, and your _lover_ – the word sticks in your mind like glue – is a mermaid-shifter who’s been reincarnated twice and is currently over a decade younger than you. “Yes. Yeah, I’m okay with it. Are you?” Your heartbeat picks up. What if he says no?

A tiny smile graces his face. “Yeah. I am.”


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in which more about eren's abilities and such are talked about and mikasa has lines

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this took so long, I'm writing this in between writing another fic and two essays and studying for a couple tests, and fic writing kinda took a back burner. But I don't want to leave you guys with nothing for too long, so here's a chapter. I hope you like it!  
> The more imaginative insults are thanks to [alina](auofahumanjukebox.tumblr.com), and there's [more](http://under-my-umbrivaille.tumblr.com/post/82609683144/as-promised-i-tried-to-do-fanart-in-first) [fanart](http://under-my-umbrivaille.tumblr.com/post/82678477839/this-time-i-tried-to-draw-atargatis-turning-into) by under-my-umbrivaille and it's awesome and I'm in love ok

You shouldn’t be okay with this.

It makes no damn _sense_.

Of course, the problem is, it makes too _much_ sense.

Of course you and Eren belong together. Of course his hand belongs in yours, of course he belongs on your ship, by your side. It explains why you wouldn’t let him go, why he came back so willingly, why he’d found you again after disappearing for nine years, why he’d held your hand and why you hadn’t cared. It explains everything.

You shouldn’t be okay with that. Wouldn’t most people be freaked out by the fact that they’re dead? By the fact that their whole life is just a repeat of their past life? By Hanji’s explanation of it all, if nothing else?

But it’s almost calming, to know that you haven’t gone entirely insane. It’s nice to know that there’s a reason why you’ve been acting the way you’ve been acting.

It’s nice to be able to wrap your arms around Eren’s waist when you find him staring at the _Maria_ over the back of _Sina_. You can press your face between his shoulder blades and know that it’s okay, that you did this in another lifetime, that you’re perfectly entitled to hug him.

He smells like the sea.

His skin is smooth, soft from years spent in salt water, but it feels right, like it’s supposed to be soft, like it was always soft.

You feel his hand close over yours.

He doesn’t say anything, and you don’t start up a conversation.

You let your free fingers trail over his stomach, familiar and strange, and listen as Jean calls out “Hey Jaeger you pickle-dick cheese fuck! You made Mikasa sad!”

“Kirschtein, you horse-faced spawn of a boil-ridden asshole, she’s sad for no reason and you know it!” Eren yells back cheerfully without bothering to turn around.

“Why do the two of you fight so much, anyway?” You murmur against his skin.

It occurs to you that maybe he didn’t hear you, but he’s already answering.

“No idea. We just do.” He shrugs, and you feel his skin shift over his muscles. “He’s an asshole and I’m an asshole and he thinks Mikasa should be protected at all costs and I think she can handle anything I throw at her just fine. We’re both competitive and neither of us is willing to admit defeat. We don’t hate each other, but that’s about the best it’s gonna get.” He catches your other hand and holds them both out in front of him, looking at them like he’s never seen them before. “So you’re really okay with all of this?”

You press a kiss to the base of his neck, and it’s strange, it’s so strange – it’s not strange at all, not even in the slightest, like this is something you do every day, like you’ve known him for years and spent most of your life placing your lips on his skin like you are now.

You don’t even like _touching_ people, let alone kissing them.

But Eren feels right.

“Yeah, I’m okay with this. Why are you so worried about me? You don’t seem like you’ve had any trouble adjusting.”

He refolds your arms around him. “I knew I’d find you again. I just didn’t realize it would be because Sasha had decided to steal your potatoes.”

You frown. “What d’you mean, you knew you’d find me again?”

His fingers dance up your arm. “I don’t know. I just knew I would. Sometimes I was scared I wouldn’t, and I should’ve stayed with you on the beach, even if it would’ve meant people seeing me. But those times never lasted long. I knew I wasn’t scared of you, I knew I trusted you, and I knew you’d come back. Eventually. So I just waited. As to why I’m worried about you – I’ve known I was a freak for years. It’s actually comforting to have an explanation, however confusing it was. But it sounds like you’ve been fighting this for a while. And it’s a little weird to find out that, technically speaking, you’re dead. And it’s even weirder to find out that not only are you dead, but you’ve got a boyfriend that you don’t remember meeting or falling in love with. And it’s really, really weird to find out that that boyfriend became a mermaid, when mermaids usually get shifted in pairs.” He clicks his tongue. “Which is really obvious, now that I think about it. But anyway.” He sighs. “I just –” He turns in your arms to face you and wraps himself around you. You feel a little like a caterpillar in a cocoon. “It bothers me that I’m a mermaid and you’re not.” He huffs. “That came out wrong. It doesn’t bother me that you’re not double-dead. It bothers me that Atargatis didn’t bother turning you.”

“You’re worried I’m going to die again, and soon.”

“I’m surprised you haven’t yet.”

You snort, breathing in his smell. “I almost did, remember? I’d’ve died out in a little rowboat in the middle of nowhere if you hadn’t found me.” You frown. “And if you hadn’t come aboard and I hadn’t headed back into town, precisely where he didn’t expect me to go, Erwin would’ve found me within a few days. Of course, then we left before he passed us by and the fog hit, and we got stuck. I’d have died then, too, if it weren’t for you. Actually, you’re the sole reason why I’m still alive, I think.”

“Yeah, actually, I was wondering about that,” says a peppy voice behind you.

Eren sighs into your hair, and you feel every ounce of his frustration like it was your own.

It’s your turn to twist, your turn to put your back to his chest. “Were you, now,” you prompt Hanji. You’re not sure why you’re prompting them – they’re going to talk whether you like it or not.

You can practically feel another headache gearing up.

“Yeah, I was. I was wondering about the interplay of what the universe wants and what Eren wants.”

“I have control over the universe?” Eren asks excitedly. “Can I tell Jean that?”

Hanji rolls their eyes. “No. But maybe. But no.” They bite their lip. “See, this is what I’m having a problem with. You –” They point at you – “should be a mermaid right now. If we’re right, and Atargatis turns lovers, and if you’re Eren’s lover, you should be a mermaid. There shouldn’t be a big gap in between when he was turned and when you were turned, and nine years is definitely a big gap. And the universe keeps trying to kill you, and Eren keeps saving you. And Atargatis isn’t generally one to wait for a person to die before turning them into mermaids – look at Jean. I’m sure it has something to do with the fact that you’re already dead, but I’ve never heard of anything like this, and I’ve never been able to study it before.” They huff. “And I can’t figure out why Atargatis didn’t turn you the first time, instead of letting you get reincarnated.” They glare at you like this is your fault.

You shrug. “As long as I can still Captain my ship, I don’t really care.”

They roll their eyes dramatically. “Good luck flopping around with a mermaid tail. Although, there’s really no reason for you _not_ to be a mermaid shifter, like Eren. You’d have lived two lives before becoming a mermaid, so really, you shouldn’t have to flop around much. Maybe it’s the whole thing about living two lives, and having spent the second one apart, up until Eren died again.” They sigh. “I guess I’ll just have to ask Atargatis when we meet her.”

“Ask the Goddess herself?” Eren squeaks.

“What, is she not up for an interview?”

“She’s a _Goddess_ , you can’t just –”

“She used to be human too, you know.” Hanji shrugs. “If she doesn’t want to talk to me, or answer my questions, I won’t push them on her. But I’m not going to meet a Goddess without at least _trying_ to talk about her strangest creation.” Their eyes gleam when they look at Eren, and for a moment, you wonder if they’re seeing a person or a test subject. But then the gleam disappears, and Hanji’s back to their usual jittery self, and you can breathe easy again. “Anyway, I spoke to Mikasa, and she understands – or, well, she agreed to back off.”

“Are you sure she’s telling the truth?” Eren asks nervously. “Just because she said she’ll back off doesn’t mean she necessarily will. Or that her definition of ‘backing off’ is also your definition of it.”

Hanji grins. “The intent changed. Her intention is no longer to help you avoid difficult things, but to help you get through them as they come. Her intentions run with yours instead of against them.” They bow amiably as Eren applauds. “All the same, intentions are not set in stone, and maybe you should put on a shirt if you’re going to be wandering around squished up against each other like that.”

“Mm. Right.” Eren huffs. “But I’m just shifting back and forth, and there’s no point in putting on a shirt!”

Hanji sighs. “If you say so. I’ll tell you if Mikasa’s intentions change again.”

“Thank you,” Eren says gratefully, and Armin calls for Hanji before they can start on a new topic.

“Erwin seems to be staying back,” Eren says quietly. “What’s the point of him following us if he can’t come near us?”

“Keeping an eye on us. Biding his time. Figuring out where we’re going, trying to think of a way to get around your voice – do earplugs work? Would blocking their ears up protect them from your voice?”

He hesitates. “It would work if they were going up against a normal mermaid, but not on me. They would be able to get closer, though – it would cut my range in half.”

You twist away from him so you can look at _Maria_. She‘s not exactly so far away you can’t see her over the horizon.

“If they could get that close, and if they aimed well and got lucky enough, they could sink us.”

You can almost hear it: the crashing and splintering of a cannonball through wood, the instant influx of the ocean rushing in to fill up your ship, the frantic shouts of your crew’s attempt to pump the water out. And then you _can_ feel it, you can feel the waves crashing over your head, water rushing into your ears and nose and mouth, cool on your skin as it stings your eyes and fills your lungs. There wouldn’t even be enough time to pull in a breath before you went under, limbs moving slowly, uselessly, in your pointless attempts to get back to the surface. You know you’d stop trying, after a few seconds – you’d give up. There aren’t many things you’d give in to, not without a fight, but the sea isn’t something you can fight. The ocean is all-powerful, wave upon wave of deadly strength, dangerous even on its calmest days, and not only have you never learned to fight her, but you wouldn’t want to if you could. The sea is your mistress, and if she decided she’d given you enough and wanted you to pay off your debts, you’d go without an argument.

You’ve known for years that you were meant to die in the water.

“Levi?” Eren says quietly, and his hand ghosts over the buzzed part of your hair. “I won’t let you drown.”

You meet his sea-blue eyes.

Eren _is_ the sea, _is_ your mistress and your lover, and you trust him.

The problem is, you trust the waves that crash against _Sina’_ s sides, too, but if it comes down to it, they’d still drown you in a heartbeat, given the chance.

“I know.”

 

The ocean is quiet, and she rocks your ship as gently as a mother rocking her baby. Your ship, however, is a baby, and is loud as all shit and flatly refuses to be silenced. Your new passengers have incredible upper-body strength, and they put it to use, flying overboard into the ocean and hauling themselves back up the rope. Christa gets tossed bodily up onto your ship more than once, always landing in the arms of her girlfriend or Reiner, giggling uncontrollably as she drips saltwater all over your deck like she’s trying to wash it. But she’s not trying to wash it. Nothing is getting clean, and there’s seaweed all over the place.

Gunter salutes you from the rigging, and you’ve never in your life been more certain that a member of your crew was mocking you. You scowl back at him.

Eren proves to be absolutely useless, cheering Marco on – “You can beat Jean, just think about his horse face and _go_ , you’ll run away from it so fast you’ll grow wings and fly away” – and you’re about ready to dump him in the ocean, too, clothing and all. You don’t particularly care if he has to change his pants or walk around naked. Honestly, having Reiner onboard has stripped you entirely of your aversion to nudity.

Then again, maybe it’s just Reiner. Bertl doesn’t seem quite so confident. Then again, Bertl isn’t even confident as a seal, so maybe you’re just reading too much into his shyness.

Eren and Connie exchange insults – something about a buzz cut verses whatever hair cut Eren’s got – and you tune out, choosing instead to admire the way the sunlight pools between Eren’s shoulder blades.

“He could really stand to put on a shirt,” Mikasa muses as she comes to stand next to you.

“Hanji said the same thing.”

“Of course they did.”

You lapse into silence and wait for her to get to the point.

After several undeniably awkward minutes of silence – punctuated, of course, by Connie yelling something about how Eren and Armin should be known as the Freak and the Geek, for which Jean punched Connie in the face, yelling that Armin was a pretty good guy and shouldn’t be lumped in with Eren – you sigh. “Is there something you want to tell me?” You’re personally impressed with your polite tone and lack of insults or curses.

“I don’t know,” she muses, and you resist the urge to shove your boot so far up her ass she flies off the ship with your boot still up there. “I suppose I could tell you that if you hurt him I’ll kill you, or that if you touch him I’ll kill you, or that I’m still considering killing you for dragging him back in the first place –” is that humor in her voice? “But really, I think you understand that already, and in any case, I don’t think I will.”

“Thank you for sparing me.” You allow sarcasm to drip from your words like rainwater off your masts after a storm.

She snorts. “I like to think that Pirate Captain Levi would be able to match me in a fight.”

“Match you? Not beat you?”

“I like to think I’m good at what I do.”

You nod. You doubt she’d be out of place as a member of your crew.

“I guess it’s not your fault he died the first time, not if you died first. And he died the second time before you even met him. So none of this is really your fault, and if he chooses to be with you, it’s really none of my business, is it. So I don’t think I have much to say to you. Just one thing.”

You wait a minute before realizing she’s waiting for you to look at her.

Her eyes are strange. You’d like to say they’re black, but they look grey – green? – and if her brother’s eyes are the sea, hers are a storm.

Sometimes it shocks you that they’re not related, in spite of their clear differences.

“I trust you. Don’t fuck up.”

She walks away.

Eren takes her place in minutes. “What’d Mikasa do? Was she mean?”

You reach for his hand. “We reached an agreement.”

“Which was…?” He prompts nervously.

“Not quite sure.”

You don’t even have to look at him to know he’s rolling his eyes. “That’s informative.”

“I’ll give you information as I get it,” you promise.

“But she’s all right with everything.”

“Yeah. She’s all right with everything.”

He sighs, and as his hand relaxes, you realize just how tense he was. “Good.”

“What, were you going to leave me if she didn’t?” You say with a snort.

“’Course not,” he says. “I’d just have had to be a little quieter about this.”

Suddenly, his lips brush against your cheek, cool and soft. When you glance at him, his head is still hanging down a little, at the proper angle for him to see your face. He grins at you as he awaits your reaction.

You stretch up and kiss him, full on the lips.

When you pull away, his face is bright red, and he pulls both his hands up to his face. Your hand, still holding his, goes too, and you can feel the heat of his skin, so different from his cool hand it feels like it might burn you.

Your lips tilt up into a smile. A real, genuine smile, entirely unrelated to jokes about your mortality.

“Eren?”

He just squeaks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> shit's gonna go down soon I promise


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shit goes down  
> Alternate summary: shit goes down like rain

You’re not even surprised when Gunter catches your eye and points towards the clouds on the horizon.

Maybe the storm won’t reach you.

But it will. Of course it will.

Hanji explains that things like this make sense. You’re not going to have good luck when you’re an aberration making out with a freak.

They don’t put it in those terms. They put it in a lengthy but kind speech.

“Why didn’t you say this before?”

“I was really hoping I was wrong.”

“Are you ever wrong?”

“No.”

Hanji has never failed to impress you with their total inability to be useful.

You’ve never understood how a person with such a sincere love of sharing information manages to be so horrible at it.

You watch as the storm creeps closer. It’s coming from precisely the direction in which you’re headed. Of course.

“It’s gonna be bad, Captain, it’s gonna be really bad.”

You wish Hanji gave you information the way Gunter did: short and to the point. But no, instead they give it to you in long-winded, confusing speeches that ignore important information, like _the universe hates your existence_.

“If you don’t stop complaining, you’re going to start sounding like Jean,” Eren says, poking your cheek.

“Jean’s not really a big complainer,” you point out as you tilt your face away from his finger.

“He complains about me a lot.”

“Not much else, though.”

He rolls his eyes dramatically. “Does anything else really _matter_?”

“If you’re this whiny _now_ , what were you like when you were younger?” You ask.

He swivels, glances around, spots the object of his search, and screams, “Armin! Mikasa! What was I like when I was younger?”

Black and blond heads swivel towards each other for a moment. “Loud,” they yell back simultaneously.

He turns back to you. “I was loud.”

You snort. “Nothing’s changed.”

He grins happily. “Good.”

 

You were shocked to find that not a single seadweller wanted to wait in the ocean. Eren refused point-blank to sit around half a mile below the surface when you, Mikasa, and Armin were up here. Sasha refused to leave her food source, and Connie refused to leave her. Marco admitted that he’d rather not swim around in an unfamiliar part of the ocean if at all possible, and Jean squeezed his hand and promised they wouldn’t have to. Annie actually looked mildly surprised when you’d asked if she’d prefer to leave the ship, and if she wasn’t leaving, neither were Reiner and Bertl. Ymir said nothing, but the looks she and Reiner exchanged over Christa’s head said that she was staying, and if she was staying, Christa wasn’t going anywhere.

They get carried below deck as the clouds fly towards you like they’ve got a score to settle with you, and you and Eren shut yourselves into your cabin.

You wince as you settle yourself in bed, fully dressed and with your shoes on – if you need to run outside, there won’t be time to pull your boots back on, but fuck if you’re going to be happy about putting your boots on your bed.

Eren paces around your room like it’s interesting, and not just a tiny cabin on a small ship with a couple books in it.

The storm hits with a ferocity that would shock you if you didn’t know the universe hated you.

Eren stares at the walls like he’s scared they’ll implode at any moment.

If you didn’t know better, you’d say he looks seasick.

Shit.

You grab his wrist as he passes you and pull him into your lap.

The ship rocks wildly as you stroke his hair.

“Sorry,” he mumbles into your shoulder. “Storms are a lot scarier on a ship than in the water.”

You run your hands through his hair. “It’s fine.”

He wraps his arms around your waist and holds onto you as the ship tilts to one side.

You close your eyes.

If the ship sinks now, everyone goes with it. The universe gets you, but it gets everyone else, too.

The ship rights itself and begins falling to the other side.

You hear thunder boom so loudly it must be right above your head, and Eren squeezes you a little tighter.

“Breathe, Eren,” you say gently. “It’s just a storm. It’ll end eventually.”

You feel his ribs expand against you as he tries to take your advice.

You try to ignore the way _Sina_ tilts, swaying from side to side like she’s trying to get horizontal.

You can feel it in your stomach. You know the exact moment _Sina_ stands tall and straight, and the precise second when she leans to the side again. You can feel the water slapping at her sides, pushing her around like a toy in a bathtub. She’s your ship, and she’s holding up against the ocean’s cruelty admirably.

You press your lips to Eren’s hair, like you’re trying to communicate to him the way your ship is standing up against the storm – how rocking like this, moving with the waves, gives her a better chance of coming through without getting smashed to bits. You can feel the strength in your ship’s ribs, and if Eren could feel it too, maybe he wouldn’t be so scared.

Your eyes snap open. Thunder doesn’t crack. Even lightning doesn’t crack like that. _Wood_ cracks like that.

And then _Sina_ begins tilting the wrong way.

“Levi?” Eren says.

You shove him off of you, more harshly than you meant to, and kiss his temple quickly to make up for it. “I’ll be back, stay here.”

You grab your sword on the way out. It hasn’t seen any action in a while, but it’s about to.

You run up the stairs, hand against the wall to keep you from falling over as the ship tilts, yawning to one side, more than it should be –

You nearly slide across the deck when you reach it, but you don’t stop running. The main mast is down, an enormous chunk split off – if anyone was below it, they’re dead now – but no one should be under it, the hammocks are off to the side – you make it to the mast and hack away at it, chopping at the ropes and the splinters of wood that are tugging your ship over, wishing you had an axe – but you never saw the point of keeping an axe in your room and a sword is all you’ve got, and like hell you’re taking the time to go below deck to grab one – and you hack the wood away, and the fallen part has separated from the mast, it’s already sliding over the side, the Sina will stand tall again in just a second.

The rain lashes at you.

You breathe it in. It can’t hurt you, not now. You’ve cleared away its only chance at taking you.

Something tightens around your ankle.

You drop. Your sword clatters out of your hand. You slide across the deck, and for a moment, you catch on the railing – you’re holding on – you can pull yourself up –

Your hand slips.

You fall.

You hit the sea with a splash that’s covered entirely by the noise of the storm.

 

You always knew you’d die in the water.

 

Bubbles fly away from your mouth in a steady stream towards the surface, but even if you could swim you couldn’t follow them. A single glance is all you need to see that a rope is wrapped around your ankle, a rope that’s attached to your mast. If you manage to get untangled, you’ll be too far down to get back to the surface anyway.

 

You’re going to die.

 

You wish you’d said a better goodbye to Eren.

 

And when you look up, he’s there, but he doesn’t have legs – he has his tail. And you know he’s in your imagination, because you didn’t even try to recreate the beautiful blue of his tail – it’s mottled, a strange blue-brown.

You reach out for him, but he swims past you and goes for the rope around your foot.

You let out the last of your breath. Better to drown quickly, before your mind fails you and he disappears.

“What are you doing?” He yells, his voice warped by the water. “Hold your breath!”

You’d like to talk to him, but you’ve got no air left.

Water floods into your mouth, choking you. You pull in air instinctively, but it doesn’t help, there’s no oxygen here, only water.

Your mistress is cruel, and you’re paying for your years of good luck.

You close your eyes as Eren wraps an arm around your waist and pulls. He can pull if he wants; your mistress has come to collect you, and no hallucination can save you from her.

 

Your face breaks the surface.

 

It hasn’t stopped raining, and for simple drops of water, they carry a lot of weight – or maybe the ocean is just trying to drag you back under, trying to pull you back down. Eren can’t hold you – he’s not strong enough to hold you above the waves that tower like walls above you – and you might be breathing now, but you won’t be for long.

Eren’s voice rises above the noise of the storm, a commanding song that grabs your attention.

You’d thought he was a hallucination the first time you met him, too.

Maybe he is. Maybe this is just one lengthy hallucination.

Maybe he’s actually the living embodiment of the sea. The universe might hate you, but the sea might not.

Or he’s just Eren, the man who can call selkies from the depths of your ship to dive into the ocean and carry you back onto your ship, slapping your back until you cough up seawater, pulling you down below deck with a speed that makes no sense until Mikasa screams.

“Eren! Oh, Goddess, Eren, no, oh, no –”

Reiner sets you down beside Eren’s bed, and you stare at the mottled mess that’s trying to pass for his tail. “Shit, Eren, what –”

His hand reaches for yours and you take it.

“Levi, you’re all right?” He says breathlessly.

“I’m fine, I promise. Don’t worry about me. Were you wearing your pants when you shifted?”

He nods. You use your sleeve to wipe away the sheen of sweat – it looks more like sweat than water, you think – that’s forming on his forehead. “Are you sure you’re okay? You almost drowned, I –” he swallows. “You hadn’t come back and I got worried and I made it onto the deck and I saw you go overboard and didn’t have time to –”

You nod and brush his hair off his forehead. “Eren, you need to shift back.”

His hand tightens around yours. “But –”

You squeeze his hand. “I know it hurts, but you have to do it.”

His breath hitches and he squeezes his eyes shut.

You glance down at his tail.

The scales are slowly receding, but the pants are too – becoming part of his skin. They’re becoming part of his skin, just like the scales. Going inside his body, just like the scales. Cloth isn’t meant to be part of any body, let alone one that switches forms on a regular basis.

Armin sits there, his face white as death, helping Mikasa tease out the cloth mid-transformation, in the space of a second between when the scales begin to recede and when they fall entirely into Eren’s smooth skin. Hanji and Moblit appear within seconds, expressions grim.

You turn back to Eren. His eyes are open, focused on you with an intensity you’d never seen before. The angle is strange, and it hurts your back a little, but you rest your forehead on his and squeeze his hand.

“The first time I ever set foot on a boat, it was as a ship’s boy. My uncle had connections in the Navy, and he paid for me to get a place. I nearly fell off the ship within two days of getting on it – tripped, actually, over a broom –”

His harsh breathing is loud, louder than your voice, but it doesn’t matter. If you stop talking, he squeezes your hand harder and his breathing turns into whimpering. So you talk. You tell him everything you can think of, whatever comes to mind, your entire childhood and every moment you spent on a ship, everything you ever thought about, interspersing it all with I love you’s and you’ll be okay’s.

“It’s done,” Mikasa whispers quietly.

You stay where you are.

Eren’s breathing slows down. “I want to go back to your room,” he says. His voice is as hoarse as it would be if he’d screamed for an hour.

You pull away from his forehead to see that someone threw a blanket over his lower half.

Mikasa catches your gaze.

She nods. “Just don’t let him shift.”

She sounds exhausted.

Armin nods in agreement, his eyelids drooping a little as he leans against Mikasa. Hanji and Moblit rest against each other.

They saved Eren’s legs.

You have the sudden urge to hug them all, but it evaporates when Eren squeezes your hand. He needs you more than they do.

You release his hand and push one arm under his back and the other under his knees, picking up him and the blanket in one smooth motion.

“Lev – Captain – I can –”

“I’ve got him,” you promise Reiner.

“You almost drowned just a few minutes ago, I really don’t think –”

Just a few minutes ago? Only that long? Fucking incredible, how time works. “I’ve got him.”

“It’s still raining out there, and the deck –”

You push past him. Eren’s cool body is surprisingly light in your arms, his wet hair pressed against your chest, and you’re not giving him to Reiner.

The universe might hate you, but the sea does not, and the rain hasn’t ceased but the waves have calmed.

You make it to your cabin before you begin to feel Eren’s weight.

You place him carefully on your bed, and he grabs at your hand as you pull away.

You bring his hand up to your mouth and kiss his wrist. “I’m just getting undressed, I’m not going anywhere.”

He lets you go, allowing you to peel off your soaked clothing and hang it up to dry.

When you climb in bed with him, he buries his face in your chest. “You’re alive,” he whispers. “You’re alive. Alive, alive, alive…”

You push your legs under his blanket so they can press against his, smooth and soft and devoid of cloth embedded in his skin, leaving him open to infection and pain and –

You pull in a deep breath. He’s okay. He’s all right.

He’s crying.

He’s crying, holding onto you, shuddering as he sobs.

“You could’ve _drowned_ , you _moron_ ,” he yells with a voice that sounds like it’s scratching his throat like sandpaper. “You could’ve drowned and no one would’ve even been there – even seen – no one would have known until it _stopped_ , I –”

You curl yourself around him. It takes longer than it should – your limbs are heavy, weighted down like they absorbed the entire fucking ocean.

You don’t fall asleep until his tears stop.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren teaches Levi how to swim.  
> Also there's smut, but it's pretty obvious when it starts, and if you don't like smut you can just stop reading when it stops, you won't miss anything.

“I can help –”

“No.”

“My legs are _fine_ , they don’t even hurt, just –”

You glare at him.

He glares right back.

“If I’m not allowed to help, you’re not allowed to help.”

He throws his hands up in the air. “You’re just grumpy! You’re not allowed to help because _you_ nearly drowned and that’s not something you just get over! My legs are fine, it’s happened before –”

“You said you passed out that time –”

“Yeah, but I didn’t this time –”

“I had to carry you back to my room –”

“That was last night already –”

“You asked to stay in bed a little longer this morning –”

“I was being lazy!”

“Will the two of you shut the fuck up?” Ymir yells.

You and Eren glower at her.

“I’m the captain of this ship!”

“Well, you’re whining!” She yells.

Eren snorts. “She’s right, you are.”

“I wouldn’t be whining if you weren’t whining.”

“If I wasn’t whining, you’d be whining even _more_ because you wouldn’t be worried about appearing childish.”

He grins triumphantly.

You huff and lean back against the railing.

Your entire crew is up there, all of them, rebuilding the mast. It’s hard work – the main mast was right in the middle of all the lines and the masts, large portions of which were tugged down with it – and Gunter is slowly building up the whole system around the rest of the crew, practically tying them into it when they don’t have space to move.

You’re the one who introduced him to them in the first place. You should be up there, directing the work, helping him rework everything, helping everyone else rebuild your mast.

Eren should be down here. He hurt his legs. You don’t care what he says – if it hurt badly enough that he chose to tie a sheet around his hips instead of putting on a pair of pants, it was bad. “You can’t climb around in a skirt, anyway.”

“Says who?”

“Says everyone you’d flash as you climbed.”

He links his arm through yours. “All right. I guess there’s no point in going up there if you’re down here anyway.”

He watches Erd hammering a nail in with one foot on what’s left of the mast and one foot on a line without a trace of concern on his beautiful face, his hair and sheet-skirt whipping around in the wind.

You lean your forehead against his shoulder. He’s yours, all yours, and he’s okay, he’s all right, he’s alive and unharmed.

“I could teach you to swim, if you’d like,” he offers.

No. You don’t _need_ to learn how to swim. You wouldn’t have been able to hold yourself above water while the waves were that strong anyway, and you won’t be in the water otherwise – there’s no reason for you to be. Taking swimming lessons would show your whole crew that you don’t know how to swim. There’s no need for swimming lessons. “That’s probably a good idea.”

Sometimes you worry about the integrity of the connection between your brain and your mouth.

There’s an unfortunately short period of time between when you agree and when you stand in your pants at the railing.

No one was surprised that you couldn’t swim. According to Gunter, they’d known for years. They were more shocked that you were willing to leave the deck while they were working on your ship.

You were surprised yourself, to be honest. You didn’t want to leave Sina in her injured state.

Eren rolled his eyes. “You’ll be right next to her, I’m not exactly taking you halfway across the world.”

“Still,” you muttered, staring at the blue waves beneath you.

He brushes his fingers through your hair. “I won’t let you drown.”

He’s naked, missing even his sheet – apparently, it would be easier to support you and talk you through if he was a mermaid. Your grateful for his nudity; it means no one’s looking at you.

You pull yourself up and swing your legs over the railing, grabbing onto the rope that trails down the side of your ship. “I know.”

He dives right over the side before his tail even fully forms, and you slide down the rope, bracing yourself on the side of your ship until it curves under too far and you can’t anymore.

Eren’s waiting for you when you reach the sea, and he takes your hands. “Kick your legs, like this,” he says, his tail waving back and forth. “A little like you’re walking, though, one foot in front of the other.”

You walk.

“No, no, flowy-er, more like a tail. Pretend you don’t have bones.”

You glower at him.

“Shoosh, people manage to do this all the time.”

“I didn’t say anything.”

“You were going to.”

“Well, I didn’t.”

“You were thinking things.”

“I usually am.”

“Are you sure about that?”

“Yeah, I am, actually.”

“You’re not always thinking about everything, though,” he says, waggling his eyebrows at you.

What’s he trying to imply? “How do you know?”

He grins at you. “You didn’t notice you were treading water.”

You glance down at your legs, instinctually waving back and forth to hold your head above the salty waves that lap at your chin.

“It’s this easy?” Isn’t it supposed to be difficult?

“Well, you’re just treading water. Swimming is a little harder, but not much. It’s like – treading water horizontally and waving your arms around.”

“Waving them around?” You ask cautiously. You can feel your arms flailing wildly, pushing and pulling and doing nothing but using energy and air and pushing you down and –

“Well, maybe that’s not the right way to put it,” he admits, and the sound of rushing water dies down into that of waves. “More like –” He bites his lip.

Fuck, he’s adorable.

“I have to demonstrate. Maybe you should hold onto the rope –”

You release his hand and grab the rope. Like hell you’re letting go.

And then his body is awkwardly propelling itself across the waves, in circles that look accidental.

You laugh. You can’t help it. He looks so frustrated, swimming in crooked lines as he tries to go against the waves.

“I swim better underwater!” He whines.

“Whatever you say, kid,” you respond cheerfully.

He pouts at you. “Fine, I’ll go underwater and show you!”

He disappears.

You hunt for him in the waves, but between the sunlight reflecting off the water and the deep blue of the waves, you can’t see anything. He could’ve drowned and you wouldn’t know.

Good thing he’s a goddamn mermaid.

He pops up in front of you. “Like that.”

Water cascades out of his hair down his face, his bright eyes gleaming, clearly happy about being in the water again.

You hadn’t even realized he missed being in the water.

“Show me again, I missed it.”

He rolls his eyes, but doesn’t seem put out over it.

“Okay. Actually _watch_ this time!”

“All right, all right.”

He dives back down, and you lose sight of him within seconds. The sunlight glares into your eyes, pooling in the waves and reflecting back up, and you can’t see past it.

You pull in a deep breath and let go of the rope.

The waves pull you under immediately, and without the glare of the sunlight, you can see him there, wheeling his arms like a windmill. A graceful-ass windmill.

You wave your legs like he taught you, keeping yourself from sinking more deeply into the ocean, letting a single bubble leave your nose.

He sees you, and his eyes widen in shock as he swims towards you, his arms dropping to his sides and streamlining him, his whole body waving like a string through a loom and propelling him towards you.

“What are you – oh. You couldn’t see me up there, could you.” His voice comes out warped, muffled by the water, but it finds you.

You shake your head and let another bubble escape.

Your lungs begin to burn.

“Let out some more air, Levi,” Eren instructs. “You can’t hold it in forever. Just don’t breathe in.”

You roll your eyes.

The salt burns your eyes a little.

You let out a bubble, but they keep coming. Air floods out of your lungs, trapped inside for too long.

Eren grabs your shoulders and tugs, and you fly up to the surface just in time to haul in air, dragging it into your lungs like you’ve never breathed before.

Eren holds you up, his tail swishing around your legs as he holds you both above the water.

“You can’t hold it in for that long, you need training for that,” Eren says anxiously. “Part of swimming is coming up for air.”

You nod. “I wasn’t down there for that long,” you mutter.

“Then you have to pace your breathing.”

You nod. You’ve got no argument for that one.

You tread water. You can at least hold your weight up.

“Want to go under again?” Eren asks cautiously.

No, you want to go back onto your ship, dry off, and breathe air without having to hold your breath. “Let’s go.”

He stops trying to hold himself up, and you stop treading water, and the two of you drop as saltwater rushes over your head.

You let yourself fall, floating under the water, your legs coming up a little until you’re sitting in the water, Eren’s tail floating between your legs.

His hand cups your face.

“Breathe,” he whispers, and if his voice was warped before, you almost miss it now that it’s quieter.

You let a few bubbles drift out and up towards the surface.

He lets one of his hands fall to your arm, the other still on your cheek. His hair floats around him in a halo. His eyes match the sea, his tail matches the sea – he looks like he’s grown out of the ocean, like he’s always been here.

How strange that he’s the only one who can leave the ocean without needing to be carried the whole time.

You watch his eyes flicker to your lips.

Oh. You should probably exhale a little.

You release some of the air in your lungs.

Eren closes the tiny gap between the two of you and presses his lips to yours.

It’s not fair. You can’t open your mouth.

So you just press your lips to his until you have no choice but to exhale, and he pulls you back up to the surface, where you kiss him before even pulling in the air your lungs are aching for, tasting the salt on his lips and inhaling the air he exhales.

“Maybe someone else should teach you how to swim,” he says breathlessly when you pull away to breathe in air like it’s your last chance.

You tighten your hands in his hair. “No.”

“All right.”

Days pass like that, your crew rebuilding your mast and keeping an eye on Erwin, sitting out there on the horizon, watching you and waiting.

Eren continues your swimming lessons, and you improve quickly, rewarded by the glow in his eyes every time you accomplish something.

It’s shitty, how much control he has over you. You’ve never in your life needed anyone’s approval, never sought it or required it to progress. But here you are, learning to swim with Eren’s approval as your sole payment.

Swimming is exhausting, you learn. It requires your whole body. It tricks you into thinking that just because you feel lighter in the water, you don’t need to put in so much work to hold yourself up. And when you finally get out of the water, it stays in your clothes, drags you down.

It exhausts Eren, too – not the actual swimming part, but the shifting part. He insists on taking his human form whenever he’s on your ship. He’s getting faster at adapting to his legs, but he struggles with it. You can tell.

He rests his head on your shoulder one evening, the plate in front of him cleaned of all traces of food.

He sighs loudly, his gaze drifting over to his sister.

Mikasa rolls her eyes.

“Go to bed, I’ll wash your plate for you,” she says with a huff.

He bounces up with an energy you didn’t realize he had. “Thank you, Kasa!” He grabs your hand and pulls you into a standing position.

“Wait, I – my plate –”

Eren looks at Mikasa with wide eyes.

“Eren, no, I can clean my own damn plate –”

“I’ll clean it. You look as exhausted as he did before he bounced up like a jumping bean.”

You glance around for any of your other crewmembers, but they’re long gone – it’s dark out already, and the only one who waited to eat with you was Mikasa, who complained that for the first time in years she was in close quarters with her brother and was barely talking to him at all. He’d talked her ear off the whole time he was eating, getting visibly more tired as he did, and she seemed to be in a good mood.

She waves at you. “Go to sleep. We’re sailing tomorrow. Erd said we’re only a day or two away from the Sargasso Sea. Is that true?”

You nod. You hadn’t been moving as quickly as you’d like, with your main mast gone, but you’d been moving over the past few days. It had taken you a week to travel the equivalent of two days of good sailing. “We’re close.”

“Then go to sleep. You’ll need it.” She glances at Eren.

She’s thinking the same thing you’re thinking. You know she is. You’re dreading it just as much as she is.

In a couple days, he’s going to have to relive the worst moments of his life.

You badly want to turn around and head home. Fuck Atargatis. Fuck Hanji’s need to learn things. Eren shouldn’t have to relive that. No one should.

But Eren had almost slapped you when you suggested it. So you dropped the topic and worried about it in silence. If he wants to do it, there’s no reason for you to stand in the way. Considering the fact that he’s not exactly going out of his way to avoid Mikasa, you’re gonna go right ahead and assume that she’s keeping her mouth shut too.

You follow him up and over to your cabin, glancing behind you at your tall, newly-built mast, a long line in the dark. Gunter’s up there somewhere – it’s his watch – invisible and silent.

“You don’t have watch tonight, right?” Eren asks as you close the cabin door behind you.

“Nope.” He’s right, this is the first time in a week you haven’t had to rise at the shittiest time – you’d had second watch, meaning you got to sleep for a couple hours before getting up and wandering around your boat for a couple hours in the dark before going back to sleep before dawn. Eren had risen with you, ignoring you every time you’d told him to go back to sleep and boring a hole in you with his eyes the one time you tried to order him, as his captain, to go back to bed.

You’d given up telling him what to do altogether at this point. It didn’t work.

“So you don’t have to get up at all?”

“Nope.”

“So. Um. Would you be willing to stay up a little while longer?”

You turn to face him halfway through removing your pants. “Why?”

His face is flushed, but you get the feeling that it’s only partially out of embarrassment. He takes a few hesitant steps forward, eyes holding yours the entire time, right up until the moment they close as his mouth finds your lips.

His lips are soft, already parted by the time they reach your mouth. His hands roam down your sides and find your hips, pulling you against him, pulling you back towards the bed.

“Eren.” You pull his face away from yours, and he stops moving. “Are you sure you want to do this?”

He nods.

“That’s not good enough.”

“I’m sure I want to do this.”

“It’s a big decision to –”

He presses his hand over your mouth. “But it’s not. Not really. In another life, years ago, we already did this. It’s not a big decision. I –” he swallows, turns red, and starts again. “If you don’t want to, I won’t bring it up again. But I – if you’ve got nothing against it, I’d like to.” He removes his hand from your mouth and waits.

There isn’t the slightest trace of fear or doubt in his eyes.

You kick off your pants and push him back towards the bed. He grins as he stumbles the last few steps, untying the sheet wrapped around his waist and tossing it away before sitting down, pulling you down on top of him as he leans back.

You let your weight fall on him, pushing your leg between his knees.

He _whines_.

 _Oh_.

You pull your weight onto your hands so you can grind your knee into his groin.

He moans and drags your face down to his for a kiss.

His breathing is loud when you pull away, harsh and grating and beautiful. His cheeks are flushed, his pupils enormous, his red lips parted, and he looks up at you like you’re the greatest thing he’s ever laid eyes on.

You reach down and –

He grabs your hand. “I – I’m not gonna last forever, don’t –”

You ignore him and use your thumb to smear pre-cum over the head of his dick.

His whole body tenses, his back arching as he presses up against your hand. “Levi –”

You nip at his exposed neck, scraping your teeth down his jugular, listening to his breath hitch and shake as he exhales.

His hands slide down your back to grab your ass.

You pull away from him.

He watches you go without a trace of anxiety on his face. He knows you’re coming back.

He’s right.

You just need lube and a condom before you can keep going.

He’s onto something, with the idea that you’ve done this before. There’s none of the awkward first-time-screwing shit, none of the confusion over who tops and who bottoms or who likes what. He doesn’t even look remotely nervous when he pulls his knees up and gives you access to his perfect hole, is already relaxed when you circle a finger around his entrance and push inside him, watches you with hooded eyes as you stretch him out.

There isn’t a virgin in the world who watches peacefully as their partner sticks fingers up their asshole, but Eren seems calm, entirely unfazed.

He kisses you gently, unhurriedly, as though you’ve got all the time in the world.

A day or two from now, this man is going to have to relive his death.

In your mind, his calm, flushed face contorts with fear and panic as he falls from a cliff.

But it stays in your mind. It doesn’t try to leave, to fill your vision and your ears. It stays packed away in your head.

You cup his face as you kiss him. He’s happy, for now. Happy and safe and yours, all yours.

He kisses you back energetically, his tongue sweeping into your mouth and grazing over your teeth, invading your mouth with his taste.

You crook your fingers and he gasps into your mouth, digging his nails into your back. He practically holds himself in a sitting position, holding himself against your body, his hips rolling against your dick. “Please, Levi – please –”

You pull your fingers out of him, trailing your fingers up and wiping the excess lube on his dick.

Maybe you should’ve used it on your own cock. You are going to be sticking it inside him, after all.

The way his head falls back as you trail your fingers up his shaft assures you it was a good idea.

You slide on the condom.

You glance up to find him watching you, eyes locked on your cock.

You take your time lubing up, waiting for his hand to stray towards his dick before you lean in and press yourself inside him.

He groans and throws his head back.

You press your forehead into the crook of his neck. He’s tight, so tight, and _warm_ , there’s a part of him that’s warm, and it’s opening up to allow you inside even as his legs close around your hips.

You trail kisses down his neck until he begins rolling his ass against you.

When you begin moving, he moans.

You trace his jaw with your lips as you glide smoothly in and out of him.

He lets you take control, rolling his hips and pulling you close to him, but making no attempt to speed up.

The two of you must have done this before. There’s no other reason for you to move together so well, for him to be able to handle such a slow pace at such a young age.

You kiss the corner of his open mouth and he twists his head the tiny bit required for him to kiss you back, to suck on your tongue and nibble at your lips. His hands slide down to the small of your back, pulling you closer to him, and he whimpers against your lips.

You swallow the moan that makes its way out of his throat as you thrust into him, and kiss his throat when you reach down between you and grab his dick. His head falls back, and his hand finds your hair.

He tightens around you as you twist your hand at the top of his dick.

He’s going to cum soon.

So are you.

You can feel the heat building in your stomach already, building and threatening to spill out.

You brace yourself on your free hand and break your rhythm, pushing into him so hard he screams before pulling a hand to his mouth and biting it to silence himself.

You let your forehead fall against his as you groan.

“ _Eren_ –”

He cums all over your hand and his stomach with a yell that’s barely muffled by his hand.

Did he cum because you said his name?

You spill inside him as he squeezes around you, a wave of pleasure blasting through you so strongly you can’t even focus on it, can’t even think straight for a moment.

You let yourself rest on top of him for a moment as your vision clears.

He doesn’t seem to mind, running his hand through your hair, breathing as heavily as you are.

When you pull out and fall to the bed next to him, he burrows into your arms.

You tangle your legs with his.

He runs his fingers through your hair again, and when you fall asleep, they’re twitching with the last of his energy as he slips into unconsciousness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been a long week for me, and it looks like the weeks ahead are going to be long, too - lengthy essays and finals are, unfortunately, a thing for me. Also, as some of you may have noticed, I uploaded a jeanmarco fic a few days ago. I will be writing every other chapter for that, but it's much more organized than this fic, so it should go faster, and no, I didn't write the first chapter - my cowriter did. I'll do my best not to let it take time away from Sails, and this still gets first priority - don't worry, I'm not abandoning it.   
> Thank you guys for being patient with me and for leaving comments, they make me smile a shitton uwu plot things will be explained soon, don't worry. I only foresee a few more chapters.


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Really freaking depressing. tw violence, but it's not exactly lengthy or descriptive and is kinda just a line or two so it can be skipped over if need be

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took so long to update! Two reasons for that: 1. finals are literal bullshit and 2. this chapter is 2-3 times longer than most of my chapters. Enjoy! Or don't, actually, this isn't a happy chapter.

The Sargasso Sea isn’t exactly invisible. It’s an enormous area in which _nothing moves_. Seaweed floats on the lethargic waves with no plans to move anytime soon.

Most sailors, yourself included, avoid it like it’s a talkative acquaintance who loudly discusses embarrassing topics in public places. Entire ships get lost in there. People disappear without a trace.

So of course, you’re sailing directly into it.

Grilling Hanji has proven useless. Questions like “how does the process begin” or “how do we get out again” or “will we be sitting defenselessly in the middle of the Sargasso Sea while Erwin creeps up on us and blows us out of the water before we realize what’s happening” have been met with excited shrugs.

“I have no idea, but we’ll find out soon!”

Erwin has been gradually falling back, almost as though he’s slowing down. Leaving room for himself. Too unsure of what you’re doing to go full speed ahead into something that makes no sense, and is therefore probably a trap.

You wish it was.

But no, you’re just traveling into the _one place_ from which you cannot escape if someone aims a cannon at you. No trap, no plan, no superior tactics or abilities – except Eren’s voice, of course, which is definitely helpful, but which you can’t count on if he’s busy reliving his death. Erwin is a genius. He might not know what’s going on, but he’ll certainly notice when you become helpless. He’d be an idiot not to blow you out of existence the moment the chance arose.

Annie sits next to her canon at the front of the ship. She insists that if she hears a peep from any ship other than ours she’s firing. You’ve tried reminding her that the visions are projected onto anyone in the vicinity. She just stared at you.

“So?”

Bertl and Reiner strongly considered leaving so they could take down Erwin if need be. You reminded him that Erwin has guns and canons, and Reiner has muscles. Bertl looked so worried at the prospect of attacking a navy battleship that Reiner backed down before you even needed to pull your main card – if Erwin sinks your ship, Reiner and Bertl are going to be carrying people to land whether they like it or not.

“Eren.”

“If you ask if I’m sure I want to do this, I’m locking you in your cabin.”

“Do you want to be in your human or mermaid form?”

“I swear I’m gonna – oh.” You can practically see the wheels turning in his brain as his train of thought switches tracks. “Um. Does it matter?”

You shrug.

“Does Hanji have anything to say about it?”

“They’re being absolutely useless, right now.”

“Uh. Mermaid, probably. I guess?”

You look at his wide blue-green eyes, staring questioningly into yours. “That’s probably the safest bet.”

He looks over the railing.

You’re sailing at top speed towards the seaweed. You’ll hit it in a couple minutes, at most.

You wrap your arm around his waist and trace the shell of his ear with your lips, slipping gently over every piercing there. “I won’t let you fall.”

He rolls his eyes, but smiles as his skin turns scaly.

He unwraps the sheet with the hand that isn’t wrapped around you and stares at it for a moment. “If I –”

“You cannot throw it overboard.”

He huffs. “Fine. Kasa! Kasa where – oh.”

Mikasa stands up from behind the front canon. “What?”

“Can you take my sheet back to Levi’s cabin?”

“No. Just fold it up and set it down, we’re about to slow down anyway.” She sits back down.

Eren looks betrayed.

You laugh. You can’t help it. His sister said no and he looks like the world collapsed.

“Well, fine, then,” he grumps.

The ship slows drastically as you hit the seaweed. The wind begins to die down.

Eren flaps the sheet out with his free hand. “I’ll just fold it with one hand while struggling to stay upright. That’s cool. I got this.”

The seaweed practically climbs up the hull of your ship as Sina pushes through it.

Eren tosses the sheet to the deck behind him. “Fuck. I lied. I don’t got this. I’ll pick it up when I have legs.”

Sina slows nearly to a halt.

“Levi!”

Hanji’s voice is breathless, and they slide on the sheet and grab onto your shoulder to hold themselves up, nearly dragging you down to the deck. “Levi, something isn’t right – we’re going to sink –”

You look up at Erwin’s ship. If he sinks you here, if the ship goes down in this ocean, the mermaids will be in pain – Eren will be in pain –

“No, not Erwin. We’re going _down_.”

Hanji’s face is white. They look – scared. Terrified.

You’ve never seen them look like that before.

“What do you mean? Hanji, I need an explanation.”

“I mean, we’re –” they gesture to the sea. “We’re going down. Just. Down. I don’t – well – it has something to do with the –”

The seaweed begins crawling up the side of your ship.

Enormous clumps, just pushing up the side of your ship like they’re sentient.

You can’t really assume they’re _not_ , though. Not with the way they’re crawling up your ship and forming fingers, hands –

You drag Eren back away from the railing, and Mikasa appears by your side and Annie by hers. The four of you stand – well, Eren hangs on you – in front of everyone else, between them and the seaweed groping its way over your railing.

“It has something to do with the seaweed,” Hanji says quietly.

You push Eren off of you, letting Mikasa catch him and fall back.

“Levi –”

“No.”

You glance at Annie, and she nods and drops back.

You’re the captain. You’ll face the goddamn seaweed monster.

It keeps piling on, forming – a – body. A person. Curvy. Is that a description you can apply to a clump of seaweed?

Its body certainly isn’t well defined, its face less so, but the seaweed parts into a mouth and it _speaks_.

“You have mermaids aboard.”

That is definitely a feminine voice.

“Yes.” Maybe you should’ve lied, but it wasn’t a question, it was a statement, and you are nowhere near large enough to cover the mass of mermaids on the deck behind you.

“You intend to speak with me?”

You look at the mass of seaweed standing on your deck. You did _not_ come here to commune with goddamn _seaweed_.

And then Hanji gasps. “ _Oh_.”

“Yes.” The word comes out of your mouth regardless of whether you wanted to say it or not. Hanji didn’t gasp because the seaweed monster was unexpected, they gasped because they understood something. The answer was yes.

“You are aware of the price you must all pay? The pain you must endure?”

The visions. “Yes.”

“You are aware that regardless of the immediacy of the pain, you will all experience it?”

“Yes.”

“You are all willing to pay this price?”

You glance behind you.

Ymir and Christa somehow manage to look equally tough, in spite of Christa’s childish features. Connie leans comfortably against Sasha’s shoulder, the two of them looking like they’re about to go for a day at the beach instead of to relive their death. Jean looks fucking bored, and Marco looks like he’s down for anything Jean’s doing.

Eren meets your eyes and nods.

Your crew stands around them, expressions set but not scared. Reiner and Bertl look prepared. Hanji just looks excited.

You turn to face the seaweed monster. “We are.”

The monster doesn’t answer. Not with words, anyway.

Seaweed piles up on your deck, surging up towards your mast, crawling onto your ship over every side, and you feel it. You feel your ship jolt.

You’re sinking.

You whirl and meet Hanji’s eyes.

“Oh. Oh! Oh oh oh oh oh oh!” They say, voice rising to an excited shriek. “It’s not – the pain caused by the water is the pain of reliving the saddest moments of their _lives_ , not physical pain or – or maybe it is, maybe the process of reliving itself is painful – or –”

“Hanji, how are we going to _survive_?” You interrupt urgently. “Not all of us can breathe underwater.”

They pause, mouth wide open. “Um.”

Eren drags himself towards you. “Call it off. You shouldn’t have to die for –”

“No one’s going to die,” Hanji says reassuringly. “The intent is not – for once in Levi’s lives – to kill anyone. No one’s intentions are stopping, the threads are still tangling past these few moments – but we’re going down. I don’t know. I don’t know how we’re going to survive.” A grin stretches across their face. “But I can’t wait to find out!”

Eren pulls you down to the deck with him. “If you can’t breathe, float. It won’t be hard here, there’re no waves. It’ll feel weird – seaweed is gross – but you’ll be able to breathe, okay?”

You push his hair back out of his face. “I’ll be all right.”

“You were the one who was just worried two seconds ago!”

You press your forehead to his. His breathing is speeding up. You don’t blame him. Sina is sinking, and you can feel that she’s not just being pushed anymore – she’s being pulled. There’s water seeping in below decks. How you’re going to get out of this is beyond you. This could very well be the last time you see Eren, and vice versa.

But if the last thing you see before you die is his face, you really don’t think you mind dying. And hey, you’ll be right next to Atargatis, she’d be nice enough to change you into a mermaid if your lover already is one, right?

You pull back when water hits your feet.

Your crew looks pale and a little nauseous – the seaweed surrounded you while you weren’t looking, practically crawling up your limbs. All three selkies have their sealskins in hand, ready to change so they can hold up as many people as possible and carry them away if need be – everyone can swim, but it won’t be easy if the visions are as painful as the seaweed monster suggests.

As you sit down, your deck already an inch or two beneath the surface of the water, you reflect on the fact that your pants and shoes are somehow dry, the fact that no mermaids are screaming in pain in spite of the promised hell, and the fact that the seaweed monster said “are you here to see _me_ ,” not “are you here to see _the goddess_ ,” and that the seaweed monster is probably Atargatis in seaweed form.

The water rises around you as the seaweed covers you, slowly wrapping around your legs, your hips, your waist –

“Captain, if we don’t make it out alive, I’m blaming it on you.” You don’t have to turn to recognize Auruo’s voice, or to know that the slap you hear immediately afterwards was Petra, or that it was Erd who muttered “bickering to the very end.”

“Ah hush we’re not gonna die!” Hanji says cheerfully. “You’re all acting like we’re drowning when we’re just going to meet a goddess.”

You’ve never in your life been grateful for Hanji’s support, yet here you are, thanking them from the bottom of your heart for their reassurance.

Eren grabs your hand. “Hanji? How do we know who goes first?”

“Not a clue!”

Eren nods. “Great. Thanks.”

“You’re welcome!”

Eren watches the rising water apprehensively. You get the feeling everyone behind you – except Hanji – is wearing the same expression.

The seaweed has all but taken over your ship now, and you have a feeling it’s responsible for your continued dryness. The goddess protecting you, swarming around all of you and entangling your limbs and torso, until it reaches your face and you’re worried it’s going to suffocate you – but no, just as it’s somehow dry in spite of the fact that it’s seaweed, you can breathe in spite of the fact that the water is rising above your face.

And then you’re underwater entirely and still breathing, still alive, still extant.

Good thing you didn’t drown your entire crew.

And then you hear a strangled shriek from somewhere behind you.

And then –

You’re not you anymore.

 _You’re running. Where is she? Where is she?_ _Sash, where the fuck are you you said you’d be right there you said it you swore, you swore you’d be right there – it can’t mean what you think it means, it can’t, she’s not allowed to be anything but living and whole, sad and hungry maybe but – living. Alive. Alive. She has to be in her little –_

_You duck into the alleyway, sprinting towards the little alcove, the tiny space worn away by years of water build-up and three cave-ins and fires, the hole in the wall in which Sasha stayed, storing all of her food and her worn-out blanket and, in the rare times when she’s not wearing it, the silver chain you found in a gutter one rainy day –_

_She’s not there._

_You freeze for just a quarter of a second, but that’s all they need to catch up to you._

_She was your backup, always your backup. She had the arrows, she had the knife, she knew what to do with them. You grabbed the food and ran, she popped out and made herself visible. Shot a man in the knee once, when the threat of her wasn’t enough. The two of you always worked together the best, and when you kissed her her lips fit yours the best, and her hand slid into yours the best and –_

_Maybe she just wasn’t there. She’s always been forgetful. Well. Not really. Never, actually. But maybe this time she slipped up. Maybe this time there was something more important than you and food. You don’t even care what it was. Just please, something that doesn’t mean she’s dead. Anything. As long as she’s alive._

_Someone grabs you by the neck and smashes your head into the wall – once, splitting pain that makes your vision turn white for an instant, twice, something red is dripping down into Sasha’s home, three times and –_

You don’t know if it’s Sasha or Connie crying behind you, but you don’t have time to recover from the feeling of having your head beaten in before you’re someone else again.

_Your stomach growls._

_You pat it. It’ll be full soon enough._

_Maybe not full. You haven’t been full since your mama died five years ago. You still remember the feeling, though, the feeling of no pain and something you didn’t have to worry about and being able to fall asleep properly._

_A bald head pops up a few feet to the right and on the ground._

_You smile as your hand moves from your angry tummy to the silver chain on your neck. Well – it’s too dirty to be considered silver, really, but it was, that day Connie brought it to you. He’d been bright red in the face and hadn’t met your eyes as he’d held it up. “I should’ve sold it, but I – thought you should have it. You can sell it if you want. It’s just a thing I found in a gutter, probably worth a good meal or two, I don’t know why I didn’t sell it really but –”_

_You’d turned around and pushed your hair out of the way. His fingers had slipped six times while he tried to hook the clasp properly. When it had dropped on your neck, warm from the heat of his hand, you’d turned and kissed him. And he’d kissed you back. And it was the greatest moment of your life, including every day you spent full and with your mama._

_He approaches the food stall, just another street rat everyone ignores._

_You scramble off your feet into a crouching position, bow in one hand and arrow in the other, ready to draw, aim, and shoot at a moment’s notice._

_You lick your lips, prepared to deliver the wolf whistle that catches the attention of anyone who tries to run after Connie._

_No one’s allowed to hurt him. No one._

_He’s more important than the food he steals for you._

_Connie grabs a full loaf of bread – an entire loaf! – and –_

_Oh, that’s an entire gang of people running after him._

_You spring to your feet and –_

_For a moment you don’t even recognize it as pain._

_You just know that for the first time in years, your stomach is full._

_But you don’t eat metal._

_And then the knife_ twists _._

_You won’t be able to help Connie._

_He’s going to die._

_And then the knife doesn’t matter anymore._

You find yourself grasping your stomach, breathing so heavily you almost can’t hear Sasha and Connie’s gasping cries.

_“My mom says spots on your skin are signs of sickness. Maybe they’re why you’re sick.”_

_“My mom says they’re just freckles,” you protest. “And I just have a cold.”_

_Jean shakes his head and scrambles out of his chair to join you on the couch. He squishes you over, but you grew more than he did. You take up more space. He always forgets that now that you’re 12 you’re bigger. He huffs and says it’s because he’s 12 too and he’s still smaller so why would he remember that you’re bigger? And then he squishes into your space even more and you have to sit there and deal with it._

_He’s doing that now._

_“We should count how many you have, just to keep track of them. My mom says it’s bad when new ones appear.”_

_“They’re freckles – sometimes they appear just because I sit out in the sun –” you protest, but it’s too late, he’s looming in front of you, close, too close to you, you can smell him and see precisely the shade of gold-brown his eyes are and how even though from far away they look like they match the top part of his hair, they’re actually just a shade closer to the bottom part of his hair. You can see every strand of hair on his head, including the ones that he always shakes out of his face even though they’re not in his eyes. The eyes that are currently focused on your face with the kind of intensity that he only shows when he’s made up his mind about something, and you can’t talk him out of it anymore._

_“One, two, three, four… wait, I counted that one already…”_

_His voice is your favorite voice._

_You hate when he gets close to you like this._

_He hurts you._

_In your chest._

_Your chest caves in, your heart stops beating properly. Breathing hurts, you can’t breathe when he’s this close, but you push yourself to do it anyway because he smells nice, like the ocean and like lavender. So you pull in a deep breath even though it makes your chest bigger. And that’s a problem because when he gets close like this your heart shrinks too, shrivels up all tiny, and if your chest gets big your heart slips down into your belly, which is full of butterflies, and when your heart gets down there the butterflies just hit it and hurt it more._

_Jean hurts you so much, he hurts you, and he doesn’t even know it, and you’ll never be able to stop it, because you can’t leave him, you just can’t. Even though he hurts you so badly you want to die to escape it, you can’t survive away from him. It’s even harder to breathe when he’s not next to you. You worry about him, want him next to you and near you. You_ want _him to be close to you like this._

 _But he doesn’t want to be close to_ you _like this. He’s just doing it because you’re his friend._

_His chest doesn’t fold up when he gets close to you._

_He isn’t in pain because of you._

_And you’re happy. You don’t want to cause him pain._

_But he’ll never like you. You’ll always be in pain because of him and you don’t care, as long as he keeps counting your freckles and making sure you’re okay you’ll always tell him you are._

_He finishes with your face and sits back on his heels. “I’m counting again in a week to make sure they haven’t changed.”_

_Your chest tightens so much you don’t think your heart will be able to get back into it, even tiny as your heart is._

_“All right.”_

“You idiot, I loved you, I’ve loved you since the day you gave me your shirt ‘cause I got chocolate on mine –”

Unlike with Sasha and Connie, it’s not at all difficult to differentiate Marco’s harsh sobs from Jean’s rough voice, even if he _is_ speaking through his tears.

“Jean, Jean, I –”

_Mean, he said he’d wait for you._

_Maybe not. Maybe that was last time._

_Shit._

_You don’t remember._

_Do you yell at him or not?_

_Not. He knows you’re joking, but there’s always this look that flashes over his face when you do that makes you wonder. It’s been a long time since you’ve even jokingly yelled at him. You should keep this streak going._

_You hate making him unhappy._

_Your toes find sand._

_He’s always smiling and happy – unless he’s exasperated with you, of course._

_You’re a selfish asshole._

_Really, you should stop talking to him. You’ve only ever seen him look even remotely unhappy around you._

_But at the same time, his whole face lights up when he sees you._

_That doesn’t really counteract the fact that you make him sad, though._

_You should leave him alone. Let him be happy. Cut him free instead of dragging him with you everywhere._

_But to tell the truth, you can’t. You can’t do it because you’re a selfish son of a bitch._

_Without him, your chest is tight. You can’t breathe. It’s been like this for years now, years, and the only time it ever lets up, the only time you can properly inhale, is when you see his freckled face light up. When he smiles at you. When you’re near him. When you come up with an excuse to touch him, because you’re a big enough asswad to come up with excuses to touch his face and hair and hands even though he doesn’t love you and never will. Even though if he knew why you were touching him, he’d probably hate you._

_He’s already out in the ocean. You can see his brown hair bobbing in the water._

_He catches sight of you and waves, and even if he’s still too far out for you to see him properly, you know he’s grinning._

_He has precisely 22 freckles on his face, mostly on his nose. You know this because somehow, it became a tradition that you’d count his freckles once a week to make sure he wasn’t dying. You have no idea why the hell you just counted the ones on his face – it’s not like he didn’t have freckles literally everywhere else on his body – and you have no idea why he lets you do it, but a year or two ago you realized it was fucking creepy and didn’t do it and he looked at you and said, in the weirdest voice you’ve ever heard come out of his mouth, “Not counting freckles today?”_

_You’d turned bright red and said, “Why, do you want me to?”_

_He’d laughed. “How else will we know if I’m dying?”_

_And you’d grinned the whole time you’d counted them. His eyes are beautiful. You’d kill for the chance to be close to them, and here you are, close enough that if things were different you could push forward just a little bit and touch your lips to his and maybe watch his eyelids flutter shut and –_

_You’re such a fucking asshole. You shouldn’t even be thinking about him like this._

_Marco swims towards the beach, stroking powerfully through the water._

_You’re just a few feet away from the ocean when he jerks, his whole body moving backwards like it was_ pulled _–_

_And then he goes under._

_“Marco? Marco!_ Marco! _” You scream. Why is he underwater, what pulled him, please just – no – not – please just be seaweed or something, maybe a prank, just a joke, just –_

_You dive into the sea, and his arm pops out of the water, and you grab his hand and pull and –_

_There’s so much blood._

_So much._

_You haul him out of the water – is it you breathing like that or him? Please be him, please let Marco still be breathing –_

_He is, he is, but fuck, that’s a lot of blood, half his face is gone and oh god he’s missing an entire arm – you can’t breathe, you can’t breathe, this is just a nightmare a nightmare a nightmare not real fake, it’s fake, his breathing isn’t actually slowing down like that – “Marco, fuck, don’t die, don’t die on me, just – just – keep breathing, okay, we’ll get you help, this –” you pull off your shirt and tie it around the stump of his arm, dear god will that even stop the bleeding if the whole damn thing is gone?_

_You press your shirt over the hole. You can feel the warm blood – Marco’s blood – soaking it. “Marco, stay with me, Marco, don’t go – Marco, oh god, Marco, Marco, Marco –” You wipe impatiently at your tears. What do they think they’re doing, obscuring your vision like that? “Marco, Marco, no, nonononono, no, Marco, Marco –” no, this isn’t good, you can’t say his name properly anymore, he won’t be able to understand you if you keep mangling his name like that, he won’t come back to you – the fuck are you talking about_ come back _, that makes it sound like he’s already gone, he can’t be gone, he – Marco – no –_

This time, their sobs blend in with Sasha’s and Connie’s.

Are you going to have to watch Eren die the first or the second time?

_“Want it?”_

_Historia looks up at you with those enormous blue eyes of hers. “Don’t you dare. I’ve got more than enough money –”_

_You grab the bracelet out of her hand and hold it up where she can’t reach as she jumps for it._

_“Ymirrrrrr!” She whines as you dig out your wallet with your free hand._

_“Christaaaaa!” You whine back as you pull out a few bills._

_“Come_ on _, I have more money than I know what to do with –”_

_The cashier snorts. “There’s plenty of other stuff here to buy if you want to get some of that off your hands.”_

_She ignores him. “Ymir, you don’t have that much money –”_

_“I have enough to buy you a gift.” You pluck one hand off her hip. It still makes you smile that you have to bend for it – she’s so tiny._

_You roll the bracelet onto her wrist and watch the pale yellow and baby blue beads slip over her skin. “It wasn’t exactly expensive. It’s not a big deal.”_

_“Then why’d you have to buy it for me?” She retorts._

_“Because I wanted to. Shh. Let me buy you something without you fretting over it for once, okay?”_

_“You said that last time.”_

_“You didn’t stop fretting, though.”_

_She huffs. “Fine.”_

_She shakes her long sleeve down to cover the bracelet and her hand._

_It very nearly manages to hide your hand when you slip it into hers._

_The two of you always wear these long, billowing, bell-like sleeves when you go out. It means you can hold hands without anyone noticing – although Historia’s so short they probably notice anyway. Your hand doesn’t exactly reach hers._

_Historia rolled her eyes the first few times you did this, but as her bodyguard, you insisted. A relationship with her wasn’t good to begin with; a visible relationship was dangerous. She’s always in danger. Just being outside puts her in danger. But that’s why you’re here: so she can go outside, leave for a little while, have some form of freedom._

_She deserves all the freedom in the world._

_Her skin is soft under your thumb. She hums quietly, but you don’t recognize the song. The two of you wander through the crowds, unnoticed and ignored, just the way you like it._

_Whenever you end up pressed against a wall, out of the way and in the shadows, she tugs you down for a kiss._

_She’s beautiful._

_“Ymir…” she begins, but she trails off into silence._

_You grin at her. “Love you too, Historia.”_

_She grins at you._

_And then your stomach twists into a knot so tightly tied that you nearly puke right then and there._

_“Ymir?” Historia asks._

_You can’t breathe properly._

_It was the biggest rule. She’s the only one with that name in the whole damn city, it’s why you picked Christa – it’s the most common name. You couldn’t say her name. You couldn’t say it._

_And then the color drains from her face as she realizes your mistake._

_“Time to go home,” she says, tugging on your sleeve._

_But you already made the mistake._

_You already screwed up. You can’t fix it now. You can only hope it doesn’t ruin everything._

_You look at her face, gorgeous, trusting, open, tiny. She’d gone through the same martial arts training you had, and passed with flying colors, but only when practicing on boards and bags – she couldn’t bring herself to attack another person. How could anyone hurt her? How could_ you _hurt her, you who just sacrificed her like an animal?_

_Your lungs inflate again. Your heart pumps. Feeling comes back to your body, and it hurts, it hurts worse than you ever thought it could, but it doesn’t matter. Historia is in danger, and it’s your fault. It’s time for you to protect her._

_You grab her wrist and tug. You know these streets better than anyone else. If anyone can get her home alive, it’s you._

_But you see the way space somehow forms around you as you move, the way the noise level drops when you pass._

_It’s too late._

_You look behind you and you don’t even see Historia anymore. You see a walking corpse._

_Your throat is tight. You can’t breathe again. She’s going to die and it’s going to be your fault._

_You push your lungs to inflate._

_Breathing isn’t easy._

_You suppose it doesn’t matter, though._

_If she dies, she’s not going to die alone._

Ymir is crying.

You –

_Something’s wrong, you know it is._

_It’s not that you couldn’t say it. Ymir knows you have problems saying it. She knows what it means – it’s a verbal statement of the fact that, in spite of the danger around you, in spite of the number of bodyguards who have died for you, you want her around. You’re not allowed to want that. You’re not allowed to ask her to die for you – you can’t. You won’t._

_She knows that, so why does she look like she just swallowed poison?_

_You know what happened before you consciously realize it._

_She said your name._

_You tug on her sleeve. “Time to go home,” you say urgently. You hate your home, with its steel gates and guards and permanently closed windows, but if it means getting yourself and Ymir to safety you’ll willingly stay there the rest of your life._

_But she’s frozen._ Let it go, Ymir, _you silently beg her._ Let it go. I need you.

_And she does. She pulls in a sharp breath and grabs your wrist._

_She tugs you away without a word._

_You’re not going in the direction of your house, but it doesn’t matter. Ymir will keep you safe – and even if she doesn’t, to be perfectly honest, you don’t care._

_You’d rather die today at her side than years from now without her._

_Of course, living would be preferable._

_But you’re not blind. You see how you catch people’s gaze now, in a way you didn’t before. You see how they move away, like they know who your father is and how many people he’s killed – and they probably do. He’s killed them, their families, their loved ones, and you’re his daughter and you can’t even blame them for wanting to kill you._

_You follow Ymir down an alleyway, ducking into a house, running through the household without a single apology to the inhabitants, running out the other side and down a side street. Back out onto a main road, where you slow to a normal pace that doesn’t attract attention, behind a stall and then you turn around and head back the other way. Into an alleyway and up stairs onto a rooftop, and you can see what Ymir’s doing now – lose anyone following you, and if you can’t do that, at least get the advantage over them._

_Her sharp eyes scan the street, looking for your father’s employees, anyone who might help you, but –_

_“Ymir!” You cry, and she turns around and releases you just in time to deliver a roundhouse kick to one of the seven people approaching you, all of whom have knives, and all of whom are twice your size._

_She gets one into a headlock and takes a punch from another._

_She doesn’t even ask you to fight._

_You don’t want to fight. You don’t want to hurt people. You hate –_

_Someone punches Ymir in the face so hard something cracks._

_You leap into action, kicking, punching, and avoiding the knives at all costs._

_You’re not enough._

_You’ve never been enough and now, when it matters most, you’re falling short._

_You throw a punch but someone wraps an arm around your waist, and you kick at him but someone else is coming towards you and it’s too late because Ymir catches your eye and she doesn’t say a word but she’s apologizing because she’s on the edge of the roof and_ we didn’t gain higher ground at all did we darling we just trapped ourselves I love you, present tense I love you, I’m so sorry we never got to be together properly like real people I’m sorry for every kiss we had to hide when it was pointless we’re dead anyway I’ll always love you, Ymir, _and god you hope she heard you somehow because then the person in front of her pushes her off the roof and you stop struggling. There’s no point anymore._

_You close your eyes and instead of the Ymir of two seconds ago you see the Ymir of twenty minutes ago, smiling as she told you she loved you._

_You’ll never hear it again._

_The person holding you snaps your neck as easily as the person who pushed Ymir snapped your heart._

You hardly have time to register Christa’s voice raised with the others in her own emotional distress before –

_The ocean is far, far below you._

_Good._

_If it was any closer you don’t know if this would work._

_Your vision blurs and you wipe the tears away._

_You couldn’t shed any when he died, were too weak even to feel anything, but you’ve been making up for it for a while now. “I’m sorry, Levi,” you whisper. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” The tears fall faster now, unstoppable, the way they’ve been falling for years now whenever you’re alone. You can’t help it. You can’t stop it. You keep seeing his smiling face, seconds before you pushed, moments before you realized he wasn’t resurfacing and remembered that he couldn’t swim. Hours before you accepted his death as a fact. Years before you could properly react to anything, let alone the fact that he was gone, dead, that you’d never be able to teach him to swim like you promised, that you’d never go sailing with him again, that he’d never look at you with that softness that he only ever showed you. He’d never look at anyone again, at all, and it was because of you, it was all because you let him drown, you pushed him and let him drown and he didn’t even get to be angry at you. You’d willingly face the full force of his anger, that terrifyingly cold anger that poured out of him like the ocean if it meant you could see his icy grey eyes again._

_You never_ did _find his body. He’s stuck there, in the ocean, forever._

_You have no idea where._

_You’ve got a long search ahead of you. It could be years before you find him._

_You smile anyway._

_“I’m coming to find you, love. Wherever you are, I’ll find you. I just hope you waited for me.”_

_You take the last couple steps, your last breath, and you jump off the cliff. The air rushes past you, and for a moment, you’re free, happy, falling and on your way to seeing him. Levi. You’re going to see him again._

_A blinding pain shoots through you._

“That wasn’t it. That wasn’t how I – that wasn’t how I died, I –” Eren gasps, his hand squeezing yours so tightly you can’t feel it anymore.

You move to grab him – after all, all the mermaids are done now – but –

_Eren’s eyes really are the exact color of the sea._

_You never really_ knew _before. You’re not one to go to the sea. The ocean has never been your favorite place._

_But Eren asked you to come._

_You honestly don’t think you’ve ever said no to Eren._

_Maybe you should start._

_But he grins at you. “So? Is it as bad as you thought?”_

_You glower at him half-heartedly. “No.”_

_He adjusts the single sail on his little fishing boat, the sunlight outlining his muscles, and returns to you._

_You rest your forehead on his shoulder and nigh-instantly feel his fingers playing in the hair at the base of your neck. He likes the short hair there – has since you met him._

_You hear yelling off in the distance – another boat close by._

_“Hmm…” Eren says with a frown. “Is that the_ Morning Sun _out there? I can’t tell. You have better eyes than I do, can you see?”_

_You look up, but can barely see the damn boat, let alone read the name. You stand and squint._

_“It is_ not _that far away,” Eren says._

_“Really? Then you read it,” you retort as you step forward towards the front of the boat._

_He joins you there, squinting just as hard as you are. You push your shoulder into his. “A little far away, huh?”_

_He shoves you back. “No. I don’t have good eyes and you know it.”_

_You’d like to disagree with that – his eyes are just fine in your book – but he_ shoved _you and deserves retribution._

_You shove back._

_You’d recognize that playful gleam in his eyes from a mile away._

_His shoulder slams into yours._

_You’re going to have bruises after this, but you can’t find it in you to give a shit. You push back._

_He whirls around, grinning, and you answer with an instinctive grin – who could resist his smile? – as he pushes, both hands on your chest._

_You stumble backwards and fall._

_Your stomach drops out of your body._

_Your back hits the_ water.

_You can’t breathe._

_You can’t breathe at all for a moment._

_And then you inhale and it_ burns _, the water burns your throat and lungs and you pull it in, searching for air, but there is none, it’s just the horrible rushing water and you can barely see the light anymore and you pull yourself towards the surface but you can’t even breathe, there’s no air, you can’t see anymore, you can’t breathe and you can’t see Eren. He’s gone. The water this deep isn’t even the color of his eyes anymore._

_You want to see him again._

_You’ll do anything to see him again._

_You can’t breathe._

_It’s so dark._


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Atargatis and explanations

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long, I rewrote this chapter a good three or four times as opposed to my usual method of procrastinating for three days, writing the first paragraph, and then writing the whole thing in two hours a day or two later. It wasn't coming out right, and I didn't want to stick you guys with a chapter that even I couldn't read without cringing.   
> Also, with regards to Atargatis: under-my-umbrivaille drew an [Atargatis](http://under-my-umbrivaille.tumblr.com/post/82678477839/this-time-i-tried-to-draw-atargatis-turning-into) a while ago, and while it was drawn without any input regarding her description, the drawing is great and pretty close to my idea of her anyway.

“Eren –” you gasp as the seaweed falls away.

You’re vaguely aware of Hanji chattering excitedly behind you, but it doesn’t matter, the seaweed is unraveling and you’re pulling it away and your hands find Eren, gasping and sobbing beside you as he sits amid a mass of seaweed.

“It’s all my –”

You cover his mouth with yours. “No,” you mutter harshly when you pull away. “No, no, no, no it’s not, it absolutely is not, don’t you ever say that when it’s not your fault at _all_ –”

“I _pushed you_ –”

“I started it –”

“Barely, I –”

“Eren, no –”

“ _Goddess_!”

Hanji shoves their hands in between you and Eren. “Levi, Eren, you can do this later, there’s a goddess _right there_ –”

You almost throw them off the ship.

You settle for standing on shaking legs, eyes glued to Eren’s face. He wipes furiously at the tears streaking down his face.

Your hand twitches towards his face. You should be wiping those tears away, you should be kissing them off his face, you should be reassuring him it’s _not his fault_ , it isn’t, it just isn’t, how dare he –

“Eren,” you whisper. “Eren, look.”

Eren stops crying.

His head bumps against your thigh.

Atargatis is –

You always thought goddesses were supposed to be pretty.

Atargatis is not _pretty_. She is the kind of creature that only exists in mythology, beautiful and graceful in spite of – or maybe because of – her near-feral look, hair wild and thick with salt, her gaze nigh-accusatory as she stares at you, her power evident in her thick turquoise tail, swirled with intricate gold designs that swirl up past her tail over her torso and arms, ending at her collarbone. A white shell hangs off a cord around her neck. She is enormous, far larger than any human, and she looks like she could eat you alive.

You never understood why mermaids had the reputation of drowning sailors. Certainly none of the mermaids behind you would do it. But Atargatis – she could. She could tell you to walk into the ocean and never come back and you’d do it without a second thought.

“Hopeless lovers,” Hanji says conversationally. “You turn hopeless lovers into mermaids.”

Atargatis’ teeth are pointed when she smiles, and when she speaks, it reaches your ears warped, as though she’s speaking through water in spite of the fact that none of you are underwater. It echoes off the rock that makes up the – grotto? – you’re in. It’s terrifying, animalistic, and chills run up your spine even though she only speaks one word: “Yes.”

Hanji takes a deep breath and continues. “Neither Eren nor Levi were hopeless, the first time they died, so you couldn’t change them.”

When Atargatis nods, you feel like the earth should move. The whole universe should react to her existence, to her movement, the shifting of so much power. “Precisely.” Her smile widens.

“The second time Eren died, he was hopeless, even if he didn’t know it. There’s not much that’s more hopeless than someone who doesn’t even know their lover exists, let alone that they haven’t found them yet.”

“Exactly.”

“You didn’t turn Levi.”

“I _could_ not,” Atargatis corrects, her smile disappearing like it was never there.

“Why not?” You ask sharply.

She turns her gaze towards you, and you feel your courage drain away.  She looks like she’s about to kill you.

But she answers.

“All living beings have an energy, an aura, distinct and coded to their species. During death, this aura fades – all beings die, death is not specific to one species. At that moment, this aura can be manipulated and species and life cycle can be altered. There are other times –” her sharp eyes leave you, to your relief, and find Jean – “When an emotion is felt so strongly that it overwhelms the aura and puts it into a state that resembles that of death, in which all but a person’s basic existence is muffled and weakened. I can manipulate auras in that state as well.” Her eyes find you again. “Reincarnation forces the reincarnated to follow in their own footsteps. It is difficult to alter an energy that is dead set on remaining the same, and you have never experienced any form of emotion strong enough to overcome it. I cannot change you until your energy becomes changeable.”

Hanji actually _laughs_. “And that’s why you became a mermaid in the first place! It all makes _sense_!” They clap their hands. “You drowne –”

“Glasses,” you snap, “Shut it.”

Atargatis nods, though. “The pain of drowning your own lover is… unimaginable.”

Eren weaves an arm around your leg and, for the first time in your life, you’re grateful for your short stature – it means you can reach down and find Eren’s head without difficulty, stroking his hair as Atargatis continues.

“I saw no reason why I should go unpunished, and when my crime was excused, I chose to take things into my own hands. Presumably, the ocean took control of my entirely nonexistent aura, and –” she gestures at her tail – “I never did figure out if it was a gift or a punishment.” She must hold the ocean in her lungs; when she sighs, you smell salt and fish, you hear the roaring waves, you feel the cold water on your skin. “Hanji Zoe, I cannot answer all your questions. You have too many.”

Hanji just looks thrilled that Atargatis knew their name. They nod. “Of course not.”

“However – Eren Jaeger, I hope I have answered yours.”

He starts at the sound of his name. “I – uh, I’m able to switch between human and mermaid because my – human energy, I guess? – was too strong to override entirely?” He guesses.

Atargatis actually smiles at him, but her fangs make the smile a little more terrifying than it should have been. “Correct.”

Her smile doesn’t fade as she scans the faces of the rest of the mermaids, but she doesn’t speak to any of them. If you didn’t know better, you’d say she didn’t know what to say.

Then again – you look around you. The grotto is enormous – you can’t see the bottom at all, assuming there even is one.

And it’s empty.

Atargatis must spend most of her time alone, in solitary punishment for an accident made centuries ago, saving others from loneliness and hopelessness in an attempt to repent for it, given the power to save her lover too long after he died for it to be any use.

You slide your fingers through Eren’s hair.

“Thank you.”

Atargatis turns to look at you before you realize the words were yours.

“For, uh –” suffering so Eren doesn’t have to? Saving Eren from her fate? Giving the two of you a third chance? Not blaming Eren for the same thing she blames herself for?

She nods.

For the first time, you’re able to hold her gaze.

Without another word, the seaweed begins to crawl up your ship again.

You sink down to the deck and pull Eren into your lap. He slides his arms around your neck and presses his forehead to yours. His tail settles between your legs.

You don’t know if Atargatis is lonely or if she’d prefer to be alone, you don’t know if she’s punishing herself or if she’s killed more men than you could count, you don’t know if she eats the seaweed that surrounds you or if she eats people or if she eats at all in the first place but she’s giving you Eren, and he’s breathing normally, and he’s not apologizing or crying and he’s _alive_ , he’s alive and he’s yours and you’re allowed to have him and you can breathe with him and he’s yours and to be perfectly honest, you don’t care what she did past giving you and Eren a third chance.

The seaweed doesn’t engulf you, this time. It drapes itself in sheets over your masts and railings, forming a waterproof lattice above your heads.

You’re aware of the slight motion this time, if barely.

Eren rests against your chest.

You stroke his hair and fight the urge to sleep. “Hanji?”

“Hm?”

“What did you mean? About Eren and I having hope?”

They don’t even hesitate. It’s like they’ve got the whole answer planned out. “I meant, when everyone else died, they had no hope. No goal. It was just _goodbye_. The end. So sorry to see you go. We’ll never see each other again. The two of you weren’t made into mermaids, though. You wanted to see Eren again. It was your last thought. Not that you’d _never_ see him again, but that you _wanted_ to, as though you expected to see him again. You fought for him until you died. It would’ve been different if you’d accepted it – maybe if you’d gotten to see him again, you’d have accepted it, lost the hope that saved you, and gone mermaid. But you didn’t, so you were reincarnated instead, and Eren was left floundering and alive. He should’ve been with you and wasn’t, because you had hope. And when he died, he died solely so that he _could_ see you again. He had hope, he was full of it. I don’t know if the universe forced him to have hope because you had already been reincarnated, or if the two variables were independent, but he had hope, and he was reincarnated instead of changed into a mermaid.” They sigh and lean back. “And then Eren was eight, and falling off a cliff, and there really isn’t a pair of lovers more hopeless than a pair that doesn’t know they’re a pair. Eren had no hope of meeting you again, and you didn’t know who he was either, and he became a mermaid. You had hope the first time and were reincarnated. Eren didn’t have hope the second time and was changed into a mermaid.”

“What happens if I have hope when I die again?”

They shrug. “I’m not sure. I don’t know that hopelessness is a prerequisite, anyway. I think Atargatis chooses who she changes, and can change them anytime their human energy signature is weak. She just chooses to reincarnate the hopeless lover. I think your situation might force a kind of hopelessness anyway – if you have hope that she might change you, she might not, and you’ll either die or be reincarnated again, both of which would force you and Eren into yet another impossible situation and make you, in effect, hopeless lovers, in which case, having hope when you die would make you hopeless, allowing her to change you into a mermaid. If you have no hope when you die, you’re a hopeless lover, and you get changed. Either way, I don’t think it matters – I doubt Atargatis would leave you human, not when Eren is a mermaid.”

You frown as you attempt to work through their shitty explanation, but Eren sighs contentedly against your chest. “Good.”

Armin pipes up suddenly, his voice urgent. “Hanji – are you saying that if Levi hadn’t wanted to see Eren again before he died, the two of them would have become mermaids right then and there?”

You twist to look at him and feel Eren lift his head off your chest to look too.

Hanji swivels to face Armin. “Yes, I think so. Of course, Eren himself had something to do with it – he said he didn’t feel anything for quite some time afterwards. His human energy signature, presumably, would’ve been unalterable. I don’t think Atargatis particularly likes changing lovers separately – although, obviously, she made an exception this time. Unless Levi didn’t get reincarnated – maybe she’d have made the exception that time and changed him? It’s hard to say how much of it was Levi’s hope and how much of it was Eren’s unchangeable state. Why?”

Mikasa lets out a deep breath. “Because if you’d had just a little less hope, we’d never have met Eren. He wouldn’t have even been born again, and he’d never have been able to come up on land to even meet us.” She leans her head against Annie’s shoulder. “So thank you, I guess. For giving me Eren.”

Hanji snorts before you can even begin to formulate a response to that. “Holy hedgehogs, the universe is weird. Weirder than me, even.” They nod at Mikasa. “Told you you'd be thanking him for Eren's life someday." 

Mikasa looks like she's swallowing down an incredible amount of pride. Annie rubs her shoulder. 

Hanji claps their hands. "Right! Well, you all look absolutely exhausted -" you almost laugh at that; Sasha's asleep over Connie's tail in what looks like the most uncomfortable position in existence, Ymir looks like she's running solely on adrenaline, and Jean is falling asleep on Marco's shoulder. 'Exhausted' is just the nice way of saying 'ready to pass the fuck out.' "- and from what I can tell, we won't be anywhere near Erwin for at least a day - at least, Erwin's intentions change in a few hours, like there's something he didn't know about, and Levi doesn't intend to engage him until around twenty-one hours from now, and -" their whole body droops for a second, the way it did when you first met them and they told you the universe intended more for you than just piracy - "and we've got time," they continue, straightening and replacing their smile like it was never gone. "So we should all get some sleep while we can! We won't even surface for a few hours, so there's no need to set a watch schedule right now." They grab your hand. "Time for you to go to sleep, Captain! Busy day ahead!" 

"Hanji -" you begin, but Eren begins shifting from mermaid to human, and you scan the deck for the sheet he was wearing before he shifted. Hanji passes it to you before you even realize they're holding it, and you drape it over Eren. 

"Let's go, kiddies! Atargatis might be the equivalent of thirteen cups of tea, but sleep is just as necessary as calmness! Bedtime!"

"Kiddies?" Ymir mutters, but Hanji's already sweeping Christa into their arms and heading below decks. 

"Can't sleep in the water tonight, sorry!" They call over their shoulder as Ymir huffs at them. 

"Hanji!" You yell after them, but they're not coming back up until tomorrow. They're  _avoiding_ you. They  _know_ you've got questions and they're not gonna fucking answer them. "Dammit!" You slide your arms under Eren and arrange your feet under you so you can stand.

"Levi, I can walk -" Eren protests.

"You've only just shifted," you interrupt. "I know you can't and you know you can't, not without pain." You kiss his forehead. "Don't worry about it, you're not heavy." 

He sighs. "Levi, I'm sorry I -"

"Don't be."

"If I hadn't -"

"Then we wouldn't be here." You smile at him. "You got us extra time, if anything. Shit, I should be thanking you."

"No, I ruined -"

"You didn't." You set him on your bed, and he wiggles under the blankets while you strip. "You didn't." 

He curls into your chest when you lie down next to him, and you rub his back and tangle your legs with his and whisper "not your fault" every time his breath hitches in a sob or carries the sound of an apology. 

You don't fall asleep until he stops shaking. 


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hanji managing to keep information to themself long enough to get them to this point is truly a miracle and one day maybe Levi will appreciate how carefully they gave and withheld info in order to manipulate everyone here

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [More art](http://under-my-umbrivaille.tumblr.com/post/87479949692/hehe-sorry-i-was-planning-to-draw-earlier-but-i) by under-my-umbrivaille is up and as always it's p friggin awesome

Hanji was right, of course.

No one wakes you up until several hours later, which is still nowhere near the amount of time required to recover from yesterday. Eren looks at you like he’s going to cry if you say the wrong word, or even the right word, and you don’t blame him at all. You, personally, would like to retire with him to a private island for the rest of your life, but you’ll settle for being able to smooth the guilt away from Eren’s face.

The two of you aren’t the only ones who look like shit. Jean and Marco are already up on deck, and neither of them appear to have slept at all. Reiner and Bert appear with Ymir and Christa, holding hands in spite of how much trouble it’s causing the selkies, holding on so tightly their knuckles are white. Hanji and Moblit follow with Sasha and Connie, who collapse against each other the moment they hit the deck.

Armin finds Eren and, with a nod at you, drags him away.

Before you can protest, Hanji meanders over to you. “I want to know what it is about Atargatis that numbs emotional pain like that. Not one of you cried when you saw her, you were all perfectly calm, and then she disappears and you all just – not that you don’t have the right to cry, of course, but –”

You huff. “But we didn’t while we were with Atargatis, I get it. That’s irrelevant right now. The _Maria_ is headed for us.”

You stare at the approaching ship, still a good distance away from you but steadily advancing.

“Maybe it’s just the fact that she’s your goddess? Would that make a difference?”

You spin, trying to get your bearings.

“Don’t head for that island, head for the abandoned one.”

You snap your head around to look at Hanji. “What?”

“You’re considering going to that island over to the west –”

“No, I’m not.”

“Fine, I’m a little early then. Head to the tiny one that doesn’t have people on it. Erwin is fair. He’ll listen if you have something to say.”

“There’s not much I can say that will –” you frown. “Are you telling me to meet Erwin on an uninhabited island?”

“Yes.”

You meet their eyes. “If it’s uninhabited, there won’t be any docks. No way to get the ships up there. We’d be going in rowboats. One or two people at the most, and probably just one. Unless, of course, I brought a mermaid with me, but they’re looking pretty exhausted today.” Your eyes find Eren, his head resting on Armin’s shoulder, barely holding his eyes open. “Hell, I’d feel guilty asking Eren to come with me. If I had my way, he wouldn’t be leaving the ship for days – swimming might be easy for him, but right now, it looks like a lot of work.” You turn entirely to face Hanji. “Are you suggesting that I go to an uninhabited island, by myself, to try and talk _Erwin_ into giving me amnesty?”

“Or your crew,” they correct quietly.

“He’d want something big in exchange for that. A guarantee that we wouldn’t cause any more trouble. It’s not like my word will be good enough for him, and gold won’t buy him off.”

They nod in agreement. “No, no it won’t. Erwin doesn’t like things he’s not sure about.”

“Hanji –”

“From the moment I met you, I knew every decision you’d make for the next nine years leading to your death.”

“You haven’t – my death?”

“They were tenuous, of course, and lots of them haven’t come to pass, just because of the way your life has intersected with others’ lives. But if Annie hadn’t changed her mind at the last minute and said yes, hadn’t joined your crew, the major decisions would have stayed the same. They still are, actually. Past this moment, after these few turbulent days pass, you go back to the path you were on, the one that matches your previous life closely enough to satisfy the universe. Eren’s involvement only means that every time the universe will try to kill you, Eren will save you, and you’ll keep going, on the same exact path, until you die, and to be perfectly honest, I don’t see any intent after that. I don’t know what that means. I don’t know what happens after that.”

“I thought you said you normally don’t see intentions past a few weeks?”

They pat your hair like you’re a child. “You were reincarnated, Levi. Your intentions were pre-determined.”

They point towards the island of their choosing. “Rocky bottom near the shore. A flat-bottomed rowboat will get through just fine, but even mermaids would have trouble getting there around all the rocks in the way.” They meet your eyes. “For once in your life, Levi, you have a choice. Your mind isn’t being made up for you. Don’t fuck up.”

You look at the island, with its thin line of sand between the ocean and the trees, weirdly reminiscent of the one Erwin dropped you off on, years ago.

“I wonder if being around Atargatis invokes the peace of having your life returned to you,” they say softly. “I can only imagine that the process of being changed into a mermaid is a relief, after the pain of dying.”

You pull in a deep breath. “Erd! Drop the anchor!”

“What?” Erd yells back. “I don’t think I heard you right.”

“Yes, you did.”

“Are you sure?”

You turn to glare at him. “Which one of us is the captain?”

He drops the anchor over the side without a response.

“Captain, we can’t beat them in battle. Unless –” Petra looks at Eren.

Auruo snorts. “He’s exhausted, would he even be able to sing for long enough for us to sink them?”

“He could do it, I’m sure,” Petra says, but Eren looks nauseous.

“Do we really have to _sink_ them?” He says cautiously.

You feel your jaw twitch as Auruo goes to answer. “We’re not sinking them.”

Auruo’s head whips around. “What?”

“I’m going to work this out with Erwin.”

Mike sniffs. “You’re lying.”

And you’re going to chop off Mike’s nose. “I’ll talk him out of it. You’re all going to stay here, so Erwin knows I’m not looking for a fight. Eren, if anyone heads towards the ship, I need you to hold them off. Are you up for that?”

Eren frowns. “No, I’m coming with you.”

“No you’re not, you’re staying right here. Erwin won’t come anywhere near me if you’re with me.”

“But –”

“Do you really think I can’t hold my own in a gunfight with Erwin?”

Eren opens his mouth, but Annie cuts him to the chase. “You’ll need the rowboat.”

Eren goes to speak again.

Hanji claps their hands. “Now we’re getting somewhere!”

“Levi –”

“Gotta make sure Erwin sees me going over. I’m sure he’s watching, but I don’t want him to think I’m pulling any shit.”

“ _Levi_ –”

You hook your leg over the side of the boat and someone grabs you, nearly pulling your arm out of its socket.

“Levi, there’s gotta be a less painful way to do this,” Eren chokes out. “There are drugs that kill you painlessly –”

He’s on the verge of tears again, you can see them pooling in his eyes.

You could hold Erwin back indefinitely, with Eren aboard, and he’s not going anywhere, you know he’s not. And you also know that, no matter what you do, he will always have a reason for you not to die. He doesn’t want you to suffer. You’ll listen to him; you don’t want to suffer either. That’s usually pretty low down on your list of things to do.

You look at Hanji.

They stare back, expression neutral. They won’t make this choice for you.

You kiss Eren. Not frantically – it’s not like you’re never going to see him again, after all. It’s just a kiss, even though you have to swipe away a tear. “Does it hurt? The transformation?”

He hesitates. “Only for a minute.”

You try to ignore the way his voice cracks. “I’ll see you soon, love. Try not to watch.”

He shakes his head. “I won’t be able to look away.”

You almost ask Armin and Mikasa to take him below decks, but the fear in his eyes is turning into determination and nothing could take him away from the railing now and you’re not dumb enough to suggest it again.

You kiss him one more time and hop into the boat, slowly lowering yourself into the water.

You can feel Eren’s eyes on you as you row away.

When you’re several yards away from _Sina_ , you stand up, raise your gun above your head, and shoot into the air.

If you didn’t have Erwin’s attention before, which you highly doubt, you have it now.

You sit back down and continue rowing.

You’re not close to _Maria_ , but the tall, slim blond lowering his rowboat from the ship could only be Erwin.

There’s no one else with him.

Good.

If he’d brought Nile with him you think you’d have shot yourself long before Erwin had a chance to. Boring, arrogant son of a bitch.

You watch Eren get farther and farther away from you until you can barely see him.

If you don’t make it back, he’ll never forgive himself.

Mikasa and Armin will take care of him, and Annie will watch him when he’s in the ocean where they can’t follow. He’ll be all right.

You twist to look over your shoulder at the fast-approaching beach.

You look forward again at Erwin, quickly gaining ground. You won’t have to wait long.

When your boat scraps up onto the sand, Erwin is close enough for you to see the muscles rippling in his back as he rows.

You climb out and pull your boat onto the beach, far enough that you won’t have to worry about it floating away. When Erwin reaches you, you help him out of the boat – not that he needs it – and pull it up next to yours.

He shakes your hand like an old friend would. “How’re you doing? How’s Hanji? Moblit? Your crew?”

“They’re all fine. As fine as they can get with a British Navy ship on their tails.”

Erwin nods. “Sorry about all this. I hate to do it to you, you know. But I have to do my duty.”

You nod. “Why aren’t you shooting me, then?”

“You didn’t come out here to get shot.”

“Yes, I did.”

Erwin raises one eyebrow. His entire face looks lopsided. “Mind explaining why?”

“I have a deal to propose.”

“It involves you getting shot?”

You ignore him. “My crew isn’t made up of pirates. That’s what they’ve become, but I was the shithead who got them into it in the first place, and if I told them to take their portions of the gold and go home they’d do it. I've instructed them to leave once you do. I’m the only thing holding them together, and you know it as well as I do.” He doesn’t. It doesn’t matter. It’s a lie. “Presumably, you’re going to hunt us down until either we surrender or you find a way around Eren’s voice.”

He nods. “It’s an unfortunate situation.”

“I’d like to propose a solution. Shoot me now, and let my crew go. They won’t cause any trouble.”

“You can’t promise they won’t want revenge.”

“Yes, I can. They wouldn’t have let me come alone if they were just going to go after you.”

Erwin looks towards your ship. You keep your gaze trained on him. You can’t see Eren from here anyway.

“And the mermaid? Eren, I think you called him?”

“He’s agreed not to hunt you down. Again, he wouldn’t have let me come if he wasn’t prepared for me to die.”

“He’s happy with this?”

“He’s not _happy_ , no, but he’ll let it be.”

“That’s no guarantee.”

“And if I live, there’s no guarantee that he won’t kill you anyway, just for threatening me. You have no defense against him. And he won’t agree to this again in the future.” You pull your gun out of your belt and toss it a few feet away. You raise your arms away from your sides. “Shoot me quick, before you lose your chance. Do your duty.”

He raises his gun and points it at your chest. “I don’t want to do this, you know.”

You close your eyes. Eren’s waiting for you and he’s watching this and the faster he shoots you, the better. “Don’t draw it out, then.”

You open his eyes as he pulls the trigger.

The _bang_ doesn’t shock you.

What shocks you is the fact that it doesn’t hurt.

You heard it, you see the red stain spreading, but it –

Oh. Oh, it does hurt.

You pull in a breath and it _hurts_ , it burns, it’s a bullet why are you on fire it shouldn’t burn your breath shouldn’t ignite a thousand tiny fireworks in your heart and it shouldn’t take you this long to fall but it does, and when your back hits the ground the shock travels up and down your spine and you can’t even breathe anymore.

The pain fades slowly, sliding into the background.

Erwin comes into your field of vision.

Something wet hits your forehead.

“I wish it hadn’t come to this.”

Salt water hits your tongue.

Erwin’s version of respect: fucking baptizing you as you lay dying. With seawater.

You always knew you’d die in the ocean.

Your vision turns fuzzy around the edges.

You can’t feel your body anymore.

How long is this supposed to take

When you went to Atargatis everyone’s visions cut off when they were dealt the fatal blow

Is it supposed to take this long

Will you ever see Eren again

You can’t see anymore

Where is your goddess

At least the sea is with you

Eren

Eren?


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> you guys are all freaking out for no reason, did you forget that people have to die in order to become mermaids and that the whole 'only turning the hopeless' thing is Atargatis' personal decision more than a requirement? cause yeah that's still very much a thing

_She’s not coming._

_You should have said goodbye._

Dying isn’t at all what you thought it would be.

You don’t stand up and walk away, only realizing you’re dead when you see your body lying behind you. You don’t float away, a tiny ball of light that calls itself a soul. You don’t fade silently into non-existence, your consciousness fading into nothing. No one comes to lead you to the other side.

Death is an explosion.

All your energy bubbles up to the surface like champagne in a bottle that’s just been opened, but the cork’s still on, you’re still stuck here and you can’t move and it doesn’t even _matter_ you’re leaving, you’re leaving soon you know it, and it doesn’t matter that you won’t exist as yourself. All the energy of your physical form is going out into the universe, where it belongs, where it came from.

You can feel it rising, like fear, like euphoria, like an orgasm, like horror, like slow recognition that burns through you until you remember, building inside the you that soon won’t be you and you’re ready, you’re ready to go this time there’s nothing that can save you and you’re ready to be a part of the universe, it’s been missing you since you left it and it’s been wanting you since you left it again it’s time to go _back_ –

You can’t _scream_. You can’t move. Your body isn’t yours to manhandle anymore. It’s one of the two components that made up _you_ that’s going to return to the earth it came from. Separation of the two main components is necessary.

But you haven’t been separated yet.

And when someone touches your energy your body feels it, too, white-hot and burning over your skin and into your _bones_ through your muscles cutting through your tendons and bursting through your skin and your energy is changing, altering, too disconnected from your body to hang on to its original shape and too connected to your body to _leave it like you were supposed to_ and that’s changing too _it’s changing it’s her_ and it hurts Eren said it only hurt a little _Eren exists of course he’s back there_ so why is it burning through you hurting you killing you but not letting you **die** why won’t you _die you were supposed to **die**_ you can’t go back twice _you’ve already been back once_ your energy isn’t made for that it’s been set in stone too long it needs to **leave** _you’re supposed to **leave leave now go why are you suffering like this why are you in so much pain**_ it hurts it sears your legs are stuck they’re breaking your bones are breaking _you don’t have bones anymore you’re not supposed to still have bones_ you’re being changed you’re being **warped** _beyond belief_ it hurts so much you can’t breathe _why do you need to breathe you’re dead dead dead_ but you’re not you’re in your body again dying away – no – wait – the opposite. Your energy is – fading. Sinking. Lowering into your bones. Into your body. Yours. Your body. Not the universe’s.

You see her, for a moment. In the split second between when you land in your body and when it becomes yours again, you see her, hovering over you, pushing you down. Her legs are indistinguishable from a tail – or her tail is indistinguishable from legs – or she has neither or both, seamlessly meeting her skin, her entire body glowing with energy, her face calm and relaxed, a genuine smile gracing her lips as her hands fall into your body.

You’re okay.

She’s here and you’re okay.

The pain is over.

You can feel your body and it’s whole. Yours. Alive.

And then she disappears.

You suck in a deep breath that stings, lungs expanding like they weren’t expecting to.

“Levi!” Eren yells. He’s nowhere near you – or is he? – but when you heave yourself off the sand, Eren’s there, leaning over you and holding you down. “Levi, are you doing all right? Breathing? Everything working?” Oh. Just one ear is out.

You frown. “Can’t hear right.” You raise a hand to your ear and you touch something _slimy_ , oh god that’s –

A piece of seaweed.

There’s a piece of seaweed in your ear.

You tug it out and stare at it.

Atargatis was here.

“Can you hear better now?” Eren asks.

“Why are you sitting on me?” You ask suspiciously. People don’t normally sit on the stomachs of the newly undead.

His smile freezes in place. “Well – I just – don’t want you to – freak out. Like I did.”

“Like you did?”

“It’s – a little weird, the whole. Dying. Coming back. Getting up and finding out that you have a tail instead of legs. I was scared to breathe – under water and all, didn’t know I had gills – but I guess that doesn’t really apply to you.”

You reach up to push his wet hair away from his face. He must have swum here.

Of course he did. You took the boat.

“She didn’t exactly let you know, did she. What she was doing. What was going on.”

He shakes his head.

You prop yourself up on one elbow and pull him to your chest.

“Didn’t have you, either.” His voice is muffled against your skin. “Everyone else is terrified, but Atargatis usually drops them in the ocean or on the beach – they usually find each other within seconds of waking up, and that makes things easier. But I was just – alone.”

He turns dry eyes up to you. “I didn’t want you to wake up like that.”

You press a kiss to his temple and ignore the way your voice cracks when you say, “I didn’t. I didn’t. Thank you.”

He sighs and smiles a little, and then his scales slide across yours as he slides out of your lap.

He holds your gaze for a moment before curiosity gets the better of you.

Your tail is about the same length as your legs were, a steely gray, thick and strong and boneless.

You lift it up.

If you had knees, you’d have just broken them.

You drop it back down to the sand with a _thump_. You can feel it thump down, and you’re surprised. It doesn’t look – real. You’re not supposed to have a tail.

You lift it again, and it obeys your command. Your eyes follow it as it flops around on the sand, following your orders just like every other part of your body, and when Eren laughs at you, you laugh with him. When he collapses onto your shoulder, laughing so hard he can’t breathe, you whack him with his tail, and laugh until you cry at his offended expression. When you kiss him he kisses back, just as unreasonably happy as you are, and when he pushes you onto your back you pull him with you, grabbing his face and kissing him as he laughs.

He sighs against your mouth. “We should probably go back now,” he murmurs.

You press your forehead against his. “Yeah.”

You lie there for several more minutes anyway before finally sitting up with a sigh, threading your fingers through Eren’s and allowing him to slide off of you. “We’ll have to bring back the –” you scan the empty beach. “Where’d the boat go?”

“Annie swam over with me. She brought it back.” He laughs. “She almost threw a fit ‘cause you were still dead. Didn’t realize how long it takes.” You must not be hiding your confusion as well as you thought you were, because he adds, “It’s not instant. It can take hours. Two minimum, I think. Usually no more than six, though. It’s been around four hours since you died.”

That’s a long fucking time.

Eren squeezes your hand. “It’s fine. It was good, actually. We all sat there and looked suitably devastated while Erwin came aboard, apologized to us all, and sailed away on the _Maria_.”

“He apologized,” you grumble. “Of course he apologized.” You go to stand up before remembering you don’t have legs.

“Quite the gentleman,” Eren says dryly as he tugs you the few feet to the ocean. You watch how he uses his tail, pushing himself along, mostly using his stomach muscles to hold himself up.

You pull him to you for a kiss. You don’t think you’ll mind learning how to be a mermaid if Eren’s your teacher.

Water rushes up around you, cool and welcoming.

You always knew you belonged in the sea.

Eren laughs as he pulls you in, and you suck in a deep breath – and release it. You have gills. You can breathe.

You can feel water rushing around your throat, bringing you oxygen as you swim around a rock, emulating Eren’s fluid motions, tail rolling like a wave as it pushes him forward. You follow him into the open ocean, a grin spreading across your face as he laughs and turns to face you. “Guess there was no point in teaching you how to swim.” His voice comes to you amplified instead of muffled, as though the water knows you belong here and is doing its best to stay out of your way.

“No, I don’t think I’d have any idea what I was doing if you hadn’t.”

Eren grins at you. “If you say so.”

You push yourself towards him and he dances back, his grin spreading.

How old does he think you are, five? You’re not playing chase.

He bites his lip and swims a little farther back.

You chase after him like a five-year-old.

He laughs as he swims down, where light doesn’t reach, where you’d have no chance of returning to the surface if you were human.

You follow him.

Your eyes adjust.

Your gills pull in air.

You don’t drown.

He lets you catch him, his tail curling around yours as he kisses you.

You pull him up towards the surface. “People are waiting for us, remember?”

He huffs, but follows without complaint.

You find out that the ladder Reiner made is pretty fucking hard to climb without legs, and that Eren has the arm muscles of a Greek god. You also discover that spending years hauling an anchor out of the water has built up your own arm muscles, and you’ll shoot anyone who says you were out of breath when you reached the deck.

Your crew lets out a cheer when they see you, and a gasp when they see your tail. Hanji is all over you in seconds, taking note of the light grey scales on your elbows and pulling your mouth open to take note of precisely how sharp your teeth are and lifting your tail, muttering to themself about leg-to-tail transformations and other shit you miss. Moblit nods along, commenting on your gauzy fins for a minute before Hanji looks up at you with a gleam in their eyes. “Can you shift?”

You shrug.

Eren grins. “It’s not hard, just gotta learn how to control your own energy.”

Your own – oh.

You remember the bubbling like it was in a dream, fading from your consciousness even as you consider it.

You remember Eren’s transformations, though, swinging his tail or his legs, and you flop your tail around, feeling your muscles moving, energy escaping, and you push down – or maybe you should pull up? – you have no idea what you’re doing, but you pull your tail in opposite directions like you’re trying to rip it apart, and you feel your energy shift in a way that shouldn’t be possible – if you actually rip your tail in half, you’re going to shit on someone – but with a feeling a little like blood rushing back into dead limbs your scales recede into smooth skin, and with an ache like a cramp your tail separates and your muscles disconnect and you have legs again and also a dick, which is a bit of a problem since you’re not wearing pants, but Annie tosses you a sheet before you have time to look around for one, and you decide to worry about the fact that your bare ass is against the deck later instead of now.

Hanji shrieks in excitement, Eren tackles you with a kiss, and you feel yourself relax. Your ship is still yours. You can still run it. You’re still alive, you're not trapped on sea or land, you’re free of Erwin, you’re safe, safe, safe, and so is Eren, safe in your arms on your ship, surrounded by family.

Mikasa helps you stand after Eren shifts, his tail splitting into legs much faster than yours did, holding both of you up as you struggle to stand on legs that are too busy relearning how to exist to hold you up. Eren leans on Armin, laughing as you mutter about getting a cane, something to help you stand that isn’t another human being.

Eren’s eyes are bright and clear when he looks at you, and you grin back.

You pull in a deep breath.

You’re free.


	17. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cause Erwin still exists

“Levi! There’s another ship up there!” Eren yells.

You turn away from Ymir in time to see a ship – much bigger than _Sina –_ pulling up next to yours.

“Why would someone be doing that?” Christa asks.

“No idea. Eren, you coming up?”

“’Course.”

He’s by your side in a second, swimming up with you to where the ladder hangs in the water.

You pull yourself up into your cabin, dropping yourself to the side so Eren won’t land on you.

A year after transforming the first time, with more practice shifting back and forth in a day than Eren used to get in a year, you can shift quickly, easily, and you know how to stretch to reacclimate your muscles in a few minutes instead of an hour.

But you don’t get the chance to.

You’ve barely hit the floor when you hear footsteps heading towards your cabin.

“Erwin, there’s nothing –” Erd’s voice is calm, moving from muffled to focused as the door swings open.

Erwin stares at you.

Eren freezes as he appears in the window.

You sigh as you tug your kilt over, covering yourself as the needles spread down your legs, your muscles cramping as they separate. “Damn. I was hoping you’d ignore us if I was dead.”

Erwin flaps his mouth at you for a moment before sighing. “I should’ve known, really. You’re not one to give up unless it’s temporary.”

Eren slides in through the window, apparently deciding it’s safe enough to come in. He watches Erwin just as carefully as Erwin’s watching him.

“I’m not going to shoot you again,” Erwin says, his gaze sliding back to you as you shake your legs out, bending and unbending them.

“I appreciate it.”

Erwin smiles like you said something humorous. “We should work something out, Levi. We don’t need to be out to kill each other.”

“I was never out to kill you.” You grab your cane from its place below the window and pull yourself up.

“That makes two of us.”

Eren snorts.

“Really,” Erwin adds. “I did my duty and no more.” He stares at you. “I did my duty. There were enough witnesses to vouch for me. You are considered dead.”

“Does that need to change?”

“No one ever said it was my duty to report the undead.”

“Then why are you here?”

“I was told that a ship that was supposed to be retired was sitting off the coast. If you were all that held them together, I was to find out what it was that was keeping them here.” He looks at Eren. “I suppose the dead Captain’s boyfriend would be enough to hold a crew together. A mermaid who can plunder sunken ships can get the gold to keep pirates happy.”

You finger the gold ring that loops around your finger. He _is_ pretty damn good at that.

“Unless you start causing trouble again –” he glances at you before looking back at Eren – “I see no reason why I should report any trouble, or the potential for it. You may want to consider repainting, however. A new name. Something not quite as notorious as _Sina_. You’ve made history, you know. A ship with a crew of humans, selkies, mermaids, and a seer. A captain who gave himself up for the sake of that crew after becoming one of the more successful pirates of our time. It makes quite the story. Let it end there. No one needs to know the rest.” He bows his head to Eren. “Captain. Take care of your ship and crew. You're free to go. I’ll see myself off, since you don’t look quite up to it yet.”

He doesn’t even glance back at you as he turns and walks away, Erd shutting the door as he follows Erwin up.

“Well, Captain,” you say casually. “Looks like we need a new name. Got any ideas?”

Eren looks vaguely alarmed. “No?”

You shrug. “We’ll fix it next time we make port somewhere.”

Eren takes your hand and pulls himself up. “Did Erwin just make me captain?”

“I think he did.”

“Does this mean I get to order Mikasa around?”

“Armin, too,” You remind him. “And Hanji and Moblit. And everyone else.” You’ve found that Hanji is much less insufferable when they’re a permanent part of your crew, forcing you to sail all over the world so they can study different specimens of fish.

“Yeah, but Mikasa’s gonna be _pissed_.”

“As long as she doesn’t piss.”

Eren grins. “I guess I’m your captain too, huh.”

You nudge him with your shoulder. “Always have been.”

He blushes red as a rose.

“Rose. _Sina_ ’s getting renamed _Rose_.”

“Where’d you come up with that?” Eren asks as he opens the door of your – well, his cabin now, you suppose, if it belongs to the captain.

“Just something my captain did.”

Eren pauses and stares at you, eyebrows pulling together in consternation. “Are you – serious? This is really my ship?”

You shrug. “It’s getting a new name and a new coat of paint and it’s had a new job for a while now. I’m a pirate captain. This isn’t a pirate ship anymore. I’m not the proper captain for her anymore. She’s yours.”

You’re almost shocked to discover that the idea of no longer captaining your ship doesn’t bother you.

Almost.

You’re giving her to Eren, after all, and you’ll still be on it all the time. You’re not giving her up, just giving her away.

Eren smacks a kiss on your nose. “I’ll take good care of her, then.”

“Captain her well.”

“I’ll captain _you_ well, too,” he says, his voice dropping several octaves and several decibels. “But not now. Now I’ve got a ship to sail! Sail us to freedom, _Rose_!” He cries jubilantly as he hits the deck.

“Eren, the fuck are you talking about?” Mikasa yells from across the ship.

You lean against the doorframe as you listen to them bicker.

She’s sailed all over the world for you.

You watch Eren point at the _Maria_ as she sails away, telling Mikasa the whole story.

You’d sail all over the world for him.

You suppose you and your ship can follow him together, now.

“Right, Levi?” Eren yells over his shoulder.

You have no idea what he’s talking about. “Right!”

“Like I said. Sail her to freedom! Someone pull up the anchor! We need to go somewhere she can get repainted!”

Erd glances at you.

“Nearest port possible.”

Erd nods.

Eren saunters up to you. “I have no idea how to do this.”

You push his hair back. “I’ll help. Don’t worry.”

He grabs your hand and holds it against his cheek. “Thank the goddess you’re here.”

You can still feel her sometimes, when you shift. Blessing you with the ability to live by Eren’s side. Letting you keep your ship and your crew and your lover. “Thank the goddess,” you murmur. “Thank the goddess.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed it! Thank you for all the kudos and comments, they were wonderful and kept me going!! you guys were the best readers, thank you for coming back for every update uwu  
> Quick reminder that I have [three](http://archiveofourown.org/works/1393945) [other](http://archiveofourown.org/works/1363945) [ereris](http://archiveofourown.org/works/1229695), if you're interested


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